Hi Karl. To answer your question, I'm not sure I'll ever have a normal relationship with alcohol. It's not my friend. Never has been. I've quit several times and started drinking again hoping I could enjoy in moderation, and it worked for a while, but then it got out of control again--even worse than before. I'm not going to take the risk this time. My goal is to never drink again. I'm on day 23. Yesterday was tough. I was very depressed. I spent most of the day watching Netflix, didn't drink, and I made it through. Today I feel better. One day at a time.
Thanks for your support Karl and Vincenza. I got through that really bad day and the days that followed were MUCH better. I feel great today, with much more energy and focus.
reddragon, you're right. There is no reason to beat yourself up about this. You racked up a lot of sober days and you'll do it again. There were many nights when I was home alone with my children and a bottle of wine. And also many evenings when I've been out in my car engaged in a debate: should I stop and buy a bottle of wine, no, yes, no yes, yes, I think I will. And then I detoured and did. I sympathize. Try waiting. Give yourself fifteen minutes. Sometimes the urge will pass. Or call someone who knows what you're up against. Or invite a friend or family member who doesn't drink to come over and play a quiet game of scrabble or something else until bedtime. My boyfriend doesn't drink, and when he's around, I don't drink either. I keep him around a lot ;)
A Drinking Life: A Memoir by Pete Hamill. Hamill is a journalist and hard drinker for whom booze is a lifestyle and affirmation of masculinity. One day he realizes it's ruining his life and quits cold turkey.
Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp. A high functioning alcoholic and journalist, Knapp uses the metaphor of a destructive love affair to share her story of addiction and recovery. Beautifully written.
A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. Frey writes an account of his addiction to drugs and alcohol and recovery at Hazelden. Oprah famously confronted him for making things up, but even if he did, who cares? The book is a frightening and compelling revelation of the siren call of alcohol and its mysterious, destructive power to undermine our will and good intentions over and over again.
foxman, thanks for sharing that number. It gives me hope. reddragon, another thought. Do you like to read? I posted my top three inspirational reads elsewhere on this forum. I highly recommend them for purposes of distraction and affirmation.
Hello everyone. I'm celebrating one month today. I've had my ups and downs, and I expect to have more, but today I feel focused, clear-headed, and energetic. Lately, my cravings have been mere flickers. I'm glad, because I continue to have a lot of stress in my life, and I spend a lot of time alone--both big triggers for me. Thank you for your support. I really don't think I would have got this far without you. Onward!
Welcome brokengirl. I'm really glad you're here. We can help. I too liked to drink alone and used alcohol to self-medicate for decades. Everything you're feeling is normal. Alcohol is sneaky stuff. It worms its way into our lives and then refuses to leave, and it causes a lot of harm. It's not you. It's the alcohol. It makes us feel hopeless and helpless. You're taking all the right steps and it sounds as if you have a great support network of people who love you at home. Be kind to yourself, because you deserve it. Take it one day at a time. And keep posting.
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