I stopped drinking 39 days ago. I feel pretty good. Sometimes I have down days, but not nearly as many as I used to have. My triggers come and go. But I've been here before. I've gone many months without drinking. Then I relapsed. I thought enough time had passed that I should be able to enjoy an occasional drink. Wrong. It was different when I relapsed. My drinking pattern changed. Instead of drinking every day, I would drink once or twice a week, but I would binge. It was impossible to stop at two. And in the end, I was drinking more than before. My goal is abstinence, but I'm afraid I'll be at a party or out with friends and the temptation to have "just one" will be too strong to resist. Then it will start all over again. I've been avoiding occasions like that, but I can't avoid them forever...
Welcome Calixto. You've taken an important first step in acknowledging that you want to change and need help to do it. It's not easy, but it's worth it. I too tried cutting back. It didn't work for me, but I believe it works for some. It does feel great to say goodbye to those hangovers and wasted days. It's been about six weeks for me and I find that my memory has improved, my thinking is sharper, and I've got more energy. Little by little. One day at a time. We're with you. Please keep posting.
Thank you everyone for your great advice. I've renewed my resolve. I do exercise regularly. I've dropped my weight and try to be careful about what I eat, because food is my go-to substitute when I feel those cravings. A big bowl of air-popped popcorn often does the trick. I read, watch Netflix, walk the dog, write, and, as always, neglect my housekeeping.
Athena, I think AA is a great idea. It will provide the support and structure you need until February 29. If you live in an area where there are lots of options for meetings, try out a few if you don't find a good fit right away. I also want to comment on the fact that you have young children. I know there are several others out there in the same situation. When my kids were little, I loved them dearly, but that's when my drinking picked up--especially in the evening. By then, well, I really needed a break. Being a mom of little kids is stressful, especially when you're new to it. Plus, as lovely as they are, kids just aren't at our developmental level and hours of playing kids games, fixing kids meals, arranging schedules, dealing with tantrums, etc., can get a bit mind-numbing if it isn't your calling. We all need adult stimulation. So be sure to arrange some relief and take some time just for you.
It's definitely a hurdle. I felt just like you do. My then-husband went with me to my first meeting. He didn't come in with me, but he got me to the door. Then he went to an al-anon meeting in another room. I felt welcomed and included. It was in a big city, so I didn't see anyone I know. But remember that if you do see someone you know it will be a kindred spirit who knows exactly what you're going through and, yes, must respect your anonymity. I didn't speak at all except to introduce myself, and that was fine. The stories people shared were heartbreaking and inspiring.
Thanks Dave. I really appreciate your support and advice. I especially like the image of burying alcohol like its dead. Might be worth a ceremony... I will keep what you say in mind. Thanks!
Good stuff! I'm going to adopt your celery and dip idea. And you will love Hawaii. It's beautiful and relaxing and MUCH better experienced sober. Be sure to do a little snorkeling...
Athena, I feel for you. I've been in that so place many times. It's okay. Just start again. And please don't blame yourself. It's not you or anything that's wrong with you. It's the alcohol. It's distorted your thinking. Everything you're feeling is normal, including the idea that you should be able to handle it with mind over matter. You've got a good plan. You're reaching out for help. Rehab will give you the tools and support you need to clear your mind, take hold of sobriety and hang on to it. You can do it!
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