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I finally have my answer

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

I wrote under a new thread today as far as my stuff. I'm glad you're back, I've missed you.

Goofy,

Thank you for your answer but I did start a new thread on this stuff - My husband moved out today.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hello Mom of 3,

During my most recent bout of insomnia (can't sleep tonight as I am really sick, physically I mean, hope the antibiotics kick in!), I decided to catch up on some posts. I read your posts in this thread and wow, sounds like you have been going through a lot! I am so sorry I was not there to offer you support through such a rough time! I kinda needed to fall off the face of the world and reflect. I did figure some things out and I think thinks are slowly, but surely, looking up for me, I think.

I am sorry to hear you are going through so much. I was really glad to see you decided to seek help though. Throughout my life counselling or therapy have been godsends in tough times. I am convinced my current therapist saved my life when he took me on. A helping hand is sometimes needed.

Anyway, again, I am sorry I was not here. Hope to get more news from you soon.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Mom of 3, Glad to hear your counseling session went well and good luck on your search for a new home. I hope you find one soon. So glad to see that strength still shining through. Keep us posted......I'm looking for more posts from you!!!!!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Goofy and Karen,

Thank you for your posts. I just had another counseling session and actually did feel good about it. She gave me some really good suggestions and it was productive. Best of all, I can bring my son in for some family counseling and we'll decide from there if he needs something more.

I looked at a place today but it's going to be too far out for his dad and is actually too small. I have 2 places lined up to look at on Saturday. I really want a place to call my own.

Goofy, tell your Grandmother "Happy Birthday" for me. I bet she's really fun to be around! I also bet she's one of those "southern belles". My husband's grandmother was like that and they are really strong women! You're lucky to have her Goofy.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 406

Mom of 3,

Echoing Goofy's words, you are not the defective one. I hope the exercises in this program and the counseling also helps you realize this. I admire you for being the rock for your son, raising him by yourself...you have much to be proud of! The change of scenery is a good idea and I hope you find a new place to settle and start a new.

Hang in there, things can only go uphill from here.

Karen, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Mom of 3, I've been missing in action due to the recent 2 day celebration of my grandmother's 98th birthday! Wow, what a lifetime and she lives independently, drives and mows her own yard (3 acres). Talking about strong women!

And we fall along with her except a few years are missing (at least for me there's about 50). But I think about the "s***" I've been through and I think of all the changes that she's seen in her lifetime, endured them, embraced them, and conquered them. We can too!

I know you have your ups and downs and as I have said your growing strength shows! You know what you need to do and are making those calls, handling things with your son and looking for a "peace of mind" and you deserve that!!!!!! I'm glad you are not taking ownership of all the issues in the relationship! You recognize that even though you can't really identify them, they are present. You are not at fault, the defective one, or the whole problem. You are only 1/2 of it. That is getting rid of a negative core belief to the highest extreme. It also means that you are not taking it personally. And you shouldn't.

I wish your situation was different, but I am glad to see you making positive decisions, choices and plans. You are taking care of you and as a result - your son! I'm so proud of you and look forward to more posts. We'll help you through the down times, be here for you in the good times but for now in Western Kentucky lingo I gotta say - atta girl! (way to go)!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Wildcat, I don't think there's a women's center around but I'll try looking into it. I made some calls tonight and hopefully I'll be able to find something soon. I've decided that I don't want to stay here once he leaves. I need a change myself and hopefully I'll be able to have one. Thanks for the suggestion.

Hi Faryal, Thank you for your kind words. I think my son will know that we both love him but the fact that his dad doesn't really love his mom is going to be hard for him. Dad not being around as much is going to be hard, but dad hasn't really been here much anyway. I'm going to talk to my counselor on Thursday and I plan to discuss ways to help him with this.

And last but not least Rose, I've been in this limbo for months and you're right it's horrible. I don't remember if I wrote this or not but he has gotten a house not far from here and is going to be moving out but he is taking his time. Yes, I do think he's having some sort of midlife crisis and I do think he needs counseling but in his mind I don't know that he believes he does. I'm the defective one. I know I need counseling and am doing just that. If we divorce I know at some point he will regret the decisions he's making now, but by then he may be too late to save us. I've decided not to hold my breath.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

mom, sorry you're in this horrible "limbo" state right now. been there, done that. if he's gonna go why doesn't he go? the hot/cold thing, uugghh that must be maddening. i understand entirely about not wanting to go home. is he going thru some male menopause thing? sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it, too! think he needs the counseling way more than you do at this point!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Mom of 3, Your dilemma is agonizing for you, I'm sure. But the fact that you are putting your son first and are so concerned about his mental and emotional wellbeing is very commendable, especially given how you feel about your marriage and the tension in the home currently. The counselling is very crucial so that both of you have safe outlets to express yourselves and any other fears. Most importantly though, your son needs to feel reassured that you both love him and will always be his parents. You are in a challenging predicament but the answers will come. We are all here to support you and whatever is best for you and your son. Faryal, Health Educator