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I finally have my answer

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Goofy,

Thank you for your kind words. I am looking at things exactly as you have written them. I think the medication helps with clearer thinking and doesn't allow that downward spiral I've had so often lately. My Dr was encouraged by the progress I've had with the Abilify. He and my couselor talked and I have to go weekly for now but that's ok, I think. I'm anxious to straighten myself out. I am lucky to have such a caring Dr.

I also hope I don't need to use my secondary plan but things don't seem very good right now. I'm hardly being talked to and I feel very ignored. In a way it might be good that he's not here to ignore me. My parents have said they will come when I need them to help once he does move out and I am thankful that they are willing to.

I thank you all for talking to me about all this, I really need an outlet and you all have been very kind and patient as I've gone through so many phases. I'm hoping to have some better things to share soon.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Mom of 3, sounds like you have thought things out well in terms of the legal aspects, if you need them! You know what you want to do, when you want to do it, who to call and what to ask for! That's great! It's also a start for not letting him walk over you. Seems like it's the first step toward that goal!

Of course, ultimately, I hope you don't need that plan but it's great that you have it in place if needed. Now Plan A....maintaining the strength to work it out or revert to plan B (above). It sounds like with your job, you have some diversions and are helping people (do your best at the time, no one can ask for more). You have your son and I know that's a full-time job, you've set some boundaries with your parents, and you are really being busy taking care of you by deciding you don't want things to continue as they are, don't deserve the pain he has brought to you over the past months, and you maintain hope (that is so important). The strength comes shining through- I hope you can see it as clearly as I can.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Ralph and Goofy - Thank you both for your advice and support.

Ralph, You are right in that I really don't know how this will turn out. I do know that right now things look bleak in terms of working things out. Is there something better for me if it doesn't? That is a big question. I do know that I am to the point that I can do without the hurt he has brought me over the past months. I am tired of the way things are. And still I continue to hope it will ultimately work out.

Your story about helping your sister-in-law is very touching. It sounds like you have alot of people who care about you all. You're right helping someone else really does feel good. I've been having major panic attacks lately and it's been difficult to concentrate or function well. I work in healthcare and do surgery for skin cancers, I have to provide support to these individuals while they are having this done. It is difficult to focus sometimes but it does take my mind off me for a bit. However I don't feel like I'm doing as well as I can when I'm not so stressed. It becomes difficult to constantly be supportive of others when you are in so much pain, but when I succeed I am better for it. Once I am more stabilized I will look for more things to volunteer for.

Goofy, I filed for divorce from my first marriage. It did not go well and I certainly do not think I won anything but heartache. I was also told to file first for custody when I found out my ex-husband was going to do so. I did it and it was a disaster. I certainly didn't get any advantages. I do not want to be divorced and refuse to be the one to file. (Unless I have proof of infidelity.) If he wants a divorce he can file, my son will know who filed and for his sake it will not be me. I have a lawyer I used for my daughter's child support case and she does divorce too, so I will call her if I need to. If it comes to divorce I will ask for all that I am entitled to under the law and not feel guilty about it. Sometimes I think he thinks I'm going to let him walk over me. I do not intend for that to happen, I just need to get well enough to have the strength to make sure it doesn't.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Mom of 3,

I am going to write some advice (I believe in taking or leaving it).

I have a philosophy about divorce, he who files first - wins. Of course, no one wins in a divorce, so that is relatively speaking.

You should ask for Alimony, child support in most states is usually set by a formula, in Kentucky you can find the formula on the internet, you might try that for where you live. You are not at his mercy in terms of filing for a divorce, if he's telling you it's over and that is final.....then be proactive!!!!! You can do it!

Let us know what you find out with the doctor and the counselor. I think you are doing a great thing in setting those boundaries with your parents

!!!!! I also think you are doing great with your son! And you seem to be doing much better in making plans for you! Take care of you, young lady!!!!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Dear Mom of 3, Have been hesistant to say anything, because I really didn't know what to say. wish you could find some way to distract your mind for awhile, but I know how difficult that can be because I have been there. The one thing I will tell you is that there is HOPE! There is always HOPE! Things may not turn out the way you anticipate, but they may turn out better for you in the long run. You didn't think you would be where you are now did you? Well things have just as much chance to turn out for the better as they do for the worse. So HANG in there! You really don't know what is around the corner and that is very scary, but it might be GOOD! The one thing that I helped me was doing some things for others, it made me feel good, it made me realize that I wasn't the only one going thru hard times and it always seems to come back to you.
I will give you an example, we recieved a Christmas food package from our church,because I am unemployed, big ham, 2 big shopping bags full of food, it was very thoughtful and made us feel good. However, my wife's sister is on disability and now has her 18 year old son(unemployed), his girl friend and their 3 yearold daughter living with her. So we decided that since we were doing ok, we would give it to her. Needless to say, she was extremely grateful and I will tell you it really helped me, because even if I wasn't able to help myself, I was able to do something,by helping someone else. The thing is a week later, my wife comes home with a couple hundred dollars in gift cards they gave her from work to help us get thru. So we ended up getting more than we gave.

So you never know what will happens. Please take solace in the fact that you have alot of friends here, praying for you, thinking about you and rooting for you. We will do what we can to help, so you are not alone! Hope this helps some.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Thank you all for your suggestions. I didn't sleep well last night and I had thought I would. Taking these meds makes my brain more active and I don't sleep. This is not good, but at least the panic pangs have dulled somewhat. I called the Dr and he said to hang in there until I see him Friday, so I will. The counselor wasn't in today due to the holiday and I let my Dr know this as well. He had tried to call her also.

Goofy your suggestion of going during the day only and making it seem like I am at work may be a solution. I know I need to stabilize in order to go through this. I'm trying to take one day at a time and not take on too much, but that's hard for me to do.

Rose, I assume we'd have shared custody but my first husband did put me through a custody battle and it was hell. I don't want that again so I'm being reactionary. I would never want to take my son away from his father but I don't want his father to try to take him from me. I don't trust him anymore and will protect where I can. My parents are angry about my situation but I've already warned them that no matter what - he is the father of my son and no one is to say anything bad about him to my son or in the realm of his hearing.

I do not own a house, we sold when we moved a few years ago and moved into a rental. Then the prices went up and we never bought, but I do have a decent job. I assume I'll receive child support and I could possibly request alimony since he makes more than twice what I do. I don't really know since I haven't spoken to anyone yet and don't plan to until I am handed divorce papers. Until then I'll continue to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Thank you all for your support - Have a Happy New Year!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

mom, boy i hope it doesn't come to that - a custody fight. shared custody is best. just remember he is leaving you (good riddance) not your son. don't look at it like a popularity contest like i did. you want to encourage their relationship - for alot of reasons, selfish ones, too - you're gonna need a break from time to time. he is a boy, he needs a father. and i tell you from experience if you hold the hate in your heart for too long it starts to burn you up!!! i'm assuming you have a nice house and a good job. you're way ahead of the pack in that regard so try to find some contentment. there are times i woulda begged to go into the hospital - if your doctor really thinks you should - defer. you will get custody unless you are deemed unfit and unfit means a drug addict, prostitute, criminal. you are none of those things. don't worry about mental health issues. judges know they can't use that against you. you have rights! americans with disabilities act......i'm gonna say it again, you have rights!!!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Mom of 3, I'm sorry to hear that he has confirmed your suspicions. I know this is a difficult time for you. I admire your determination and perseverance. I agree you have a right to feel angry, frustrated, sad, and resentment toward him.

I am also glad you have an understanding physician and maybe hospitalization isn't the answer but some places have what's called partial hospitalization where you just go there during the day and come home at night. It's something to check into and your husband wouldn't have to know where you are going and sometimes a person doesn't need to go all day just part-time, so to speak. And remember what Sarah said about your concerns with hospital and custody. Your doctor is your doctor and will help you as best he can. I hope you can speak to a counselor tomorrow, he should be able to make that happen or at least ask his assistant/nurse/receptionist or whatever to see if he can!

Remember your son needs you now and always! Be patient with him (the son).

Get back on Facebook, write, write, write to us, and remember we are here for you!!!!!

Thinking of you and continuing to pray that you have the strength to deal with whatever happens today...just for today!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

Mom of 3, You are right when you mention the increase of education about mental issues and illnesses with the general public. When your doctor suggested admission to the hospital, did you tell him why you have chosen not to go? Perhaps he will be able to work with you and support you, if legal issues do arise. Does this sound like something that would be helpful? Doctor's notes and records are often considered in these situations. Your doctor seems like he has your best interests in mind. Continue to communicate with him as you go through this difficult time. You are absolutely right when you mention that you need some time to take care of yourself!

Do you have anything in mind that you would find useful? Don't forget, we are here for you every step of the way. You can do this!
Sarah, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Rose,

Perhaps you're right. I don't know anything for sure right now. I just came from the doctor and he wanted to put me into the hospital. I told him no - I can't afford to give my husband something to use against me should we end up in a custody battle. I know there's supposedly all this enlightenment about mental issues but there is still stigma and the courts would not look favorably upon something like that.

He gave me some Abilify to help until the Celexa fully kicks in. He said it's usually for bipolar issues which I am not but he said it would kick in immediately. He gave me 3 and I see him again Friday. He also wants me to get in to see the counselor tomorrow but I'm unsure that will be possible. I will try however. The only thing I probably won't do right away is call my parents to come help with my son. I'll probably wait until he moves out to help my son with the transition and help me take care of me.

Wish me luck, I have a feeling I'm going to need all I can get.

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I finally have my answer