oops I'll try again
Mom of 3, I don't think we are self-absorbed so we are depressed. I think the depression cannot allow us to see anything but that. I think that is why CBT has us focus on documenting so many things that lead up to those negative core beliefs. I haven't gotten to the part where I challenge my negative core beliefs, so I can't speak to that very much. But I think become aware of them helps me, however, slow the progress is. I recognize that I let others mistreat me, talk unkind to me, run over me, etc. I think I deserve that - that is the negative core belief. Being aware of it is the first step and then I have come up with (I am not less than anyone else on this earth) so therefore, since I compliment people, treat them with dignity and respect and love others, that I am worthy of that too. Has this lessened my depression - I don't think so at this point. But when I work through subsequent sessions I hope it does. I think these are self-esteem issues and I think it's related to the depression. I don't know which causes which, but they, in my mind, contribute to each other.
I think self-absorbtion is not necessarily always a negative thing. People tend to view it that way. When we are thinking of self we tend to take care of self. But because of our depression (self-esteem) we tend to think of ourselves negatively. We dwell on those aspects of self that WE expect to be different (could be because it's something said to us over and over, something subconscious, etc). like, I'm stupid, I'm crazy, I'm hysterical, I blow everything out of proportion, I cry too easily, I am too laid back, I don't care, I'm unattractive, I don't dress up enough, I need to fix my hair, pluck my eyebrows, I need to talk less, listen more, I can't get my thoughts together, I'd forget my head if it weren't tied on, I'm scatterbrained, I don't think straight, I'm too emotional.....I can keep going) I know you have your list too. I'm challenging these. You know Mom of 3, some of them may be not be negative beliefs but who I am. I don't dress up. I like to wear casual clothes (even at work in a professional capacity), I don't have to change that if it is acceptable to my boss. It drives me nuts, everyone wants to tell me I need to be different in this aspect of my life....but I need to accept that I don't have to please them (that's the negative core belief) not that I have to dress up or I don't look nice.
I think, though, I didn't state it very clearly that we agree on the I/E thing....I tend to analyze, justify or rationalize and not recognize that's it's okay to feel. And mom of 3, it's okay to feel the pain, it's when I let the pain control me, that I recognize it's a problem. I'm so tired of letting my depression control me and I THINK that is what your are saying. It is tiring, exhausting, and time consuming to fight it continually and when things get overwhelming (all the things that cause us pain) occur at once....I think it is natural to feel numb.....we have to have some self-defense mechanism. My self-defense mechanism is sleep, when I'm sleeping I ain't thinking or feeling. I think that is why I come home and crash after work, why I sleep on the weekends and why when I'm not asleep, I'm on this computer. It's a distraction. Work is a distraction from my depression. There is no not being depressed at this point, it is either distraction (but in those few moments, seconds, minutes and sometimes longer during the day, rolling over in the bed, or on the computer it comes creeping in and the feelings take over again).
It is beneficial that you are realizing the similarities between yourself and your son. Often children will mirror the behaviour they see their parents display. By helping your son manage his emotions and experiences, you will be able to help him develop proper coping mechanisms and strategies for future situations.
Enjoy the time you share with your son and your Christmas!
Sarah, Health Educator 
