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I finally have my answer

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Mom of 3, hang in there, you can handle it. Remember we are here for you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Have a good day today! And just so you know, I have a whole bunch of people praying for you. do oyu have a clergy man or woman you can talk to, sometimes that can be helpful too. Take care today! We are here for you!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 64

Try to concentrate on one thing at a time or you are going to panic... We are here!

PS. You are not failure just going trough a rough time. We already had this discussion and if you are not a caring, sensitive person who really has to offer a lot who else it is?!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi everyone

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I am still numb but there have been periods where I think I might loose it. I just keep squashing it down for now. There is no place for me to loose it. I am either home with my son or I am at work. I thought about stopping somewhere on the way home and having a good cry, but once that barrier comes down I don't know what will happen.

Rose, I can't bring myself to write about the issues right now. I will at some point but I just can't go into it all right now - too much pain that I can't afford to get into without some safety net (like a counselor I can run to or something) I really feel that close to loosing it now. I have to keep functioning for now. Thank you for your encouragement, it means a lot.

Goofy, I appreciate your suggestions and insight. Thanks to you, Breanne and Sheba for the advise on dealing with telling my son. My husband does plan to move out to create some distance, but says he'll be around almost as much as he is now. This I have to take his word on. He says he wants to try to work things out. I do think there needs to be some physical distance.

Ralph, thank you - your words encourage me even though I'm afraid to hope. Thank you for the prayers, I need all I can get.

I will write again later when I can elaborate more. I have rather shut down my feelings tonight so that I don't loose it. If I write much in the specific realm I won't be able to hold on. I did not get to call the counselor today - we were very busy, no lunch, no bathroom until I was completely finished. I am very tired, but wanted to tell you all how much I appreciate you.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Mom of 3

At least like you said it is a seperation and that does leave it open to getting back together, not matter what it looks like to you now. Also like you said, miracles do happen, so there is always hope. You never expected to be in the situation you are now, who knows what tomorrow will bring. It could be better than you ever expected, not worse. you just don't know right now, so the big thing is to take care of yourself. Try not to blame yourself, you are not a failure, you are just going thru a very tough time in your life. I hope you can find a good counselor to help you find your way. take care! You will be in my prayers.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3,

What you are going through and what you are feeling is completely normal. It is a very difficult process to go through, especially when there are children involved. Are either you or your husband planning on moving out? If so, it will be tough, but children are resilient, and if you two are strong, your son will follow suit.

Hang in there mom of 3, we're here for you.

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

dear mom, i'm sorry you're facing such uncertainty and i know the hardest conversation in the world is coming up - the one between you and your son. i've been there, you've been there before, too. now you have to look at the positives - you have a good job, right? and a nice house that you're not leaving, right? you're not a failure. maybe a bad picker like goofy! the only thing wrong with you is that you have an illness called depression (big black dog of doom) that you didn't ask for in any capacity. i feel for you i really do. i hope the counselor helps. christmas will no doubt be gloomy for you, i can relate to that too. one son is dragged by the nose to his mom-in-laws and the other son is in jail! woe is me, woe is you. regardless, of our families we still should make time for us and take care of us and be there for each other. please bring up these "issues" here, you have eluded to them, but never really said. maybe we could help. anyways, thank you for all the good advice you've given me these last 2-3 months, hope you don't go away.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 64

Hi Mom of 3!

Sorry to hear that things didn't work out. From a daughter point of view I can tell you to be fair to your sun and consider him a person. Explain to him what's going on and that is no one to blame. It just didn't worked. Another thing is important to keep a calm atmosphere at home and don't fight in front of him... don't even be sarcastic etc. Just accept what's going on and it will be easier for him, too.

My parents are not divorced but fought often... at least some years ago it was hard to hear them like that every day.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Mom of 3,

I am sorry to hear about you and your husband separating. You are not a failure and you can't take the blame for it all nor lay on the blame on the depression. In my opinion, half the blame in relationship issues belong to the other party. It does take two.

We all have things we aren't capable of dealing with and even all those "normal" people out there have that as well. We can all learn and grow and you've shown a propensity to do just that. I'm sure that head strong determination you have will help in this.

My son's father and I divorced. I would give two pieces of advice. As you have, recognize his emotions to the issues, try to make things as smooth as possible, refrain from saying negative things about each other in his presence. The second thing, is recognize that children are resilient and that he may be relieved if all the issues in the household were impacting him (this is not a guilt trip, but an indicator that you and your husband are doing the right thing, to step back and work on yourselves).

Recognize that alone is not such a bad thing (some of us enjoy it).....it's the lonely part that gets us. You have three children I assume and their lives in which to be involved as well as family. IF you are alone, then take time to look up those local support groups, church groups, interest groups that you can find to comfortably involved in. Maybe just a short time thing, like handing out/serving a Christmas lunch, toys for tots, etc.

Keep in mind that you are not alone in one sense, and this is a very big comfort to me, because I have this support group and there are many people here, including you, who help others along the way and we can provide you with some support. I am glad you are going to a counselor.

I hope to hear from you regarding this issue soon.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Thanks Breanne,

I am still very numb, but have been for months now. I love him deeply but can't seem to find a way to make all the mess our lives have become go away. I know there are things wrong with me, but also realize that he has some of the same issues. I thought he was everything - I think I made him my idol and he attempted to be that. I now know the pressure he has been under and it is not unlike my own. We share the same pain but can't seem to come together to take care of it. That would seem to be the right answer, and yet it doesn't seem to work that way. The pain each of us has is so great that we can't see past it. I am also very aware of the pain I've caused him and it is mostly depression related stuff. Stuff I can't see or am without the skills to deal with. I am a failure.

Now, in light of everything, I realize the only way it could ever work out is if we take some steps backward to gain perspective again. Sort out the good and the bad and allow each other some healing time. It also means that it might never resolve and I will be alone. I don't know where we will end up, I don't know what will ultimately happen to me, but I will try for my son's sake. I am afraid.

My son is my biggest concern, he doesn't know and I don't know how to tell him. I don't know what to tell him. I am so emotionally drained that I'm unsure I can help him. He is an innocent victim of all his parents are not. I know he will be negatively affected by this. If we can work things out it may minimize but never completely. I really don't know if it can be worked out and can't rely on that hope. This is why I'm in such a panic now.

I don't want any of this, but I don't really see any other way. I could fight it but it would only bring more pain since I see so clearly now what the issues are. It just doesn't make any sense to keep going as we have been. Nothing is changing for the better and the pain is increasing.

I sometimes wish I had better foresight in things. All of my best laid plans, all of my good intentions become ruin.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????? WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL??????????

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I finally have my answer