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I finally have my answer

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

mom of 3, if you are like me there is some old popcorn in those cabinets, get it out and start stringing it, don't hang up those ornaments that are so sentimental, make new ones - out of paper, off the internet, get creative. A tree is beautiful just the way God created it, why not leave it bare.....from another post....don't dwell on the past ......set some new traditions and Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Also, it's okay to have those "don't be nice to me days". I think they come with the depression/. Somehow we got something we haven't identified that makes us think we don't deserve it. I decided just cause mom and dad can't be here, they would want us to enjoy the holidays and have ourselves a Merry Little Christmas and I plan to do just that! With new traditions, plans....embracing the change or wallow in it (can't make it different), that's my choice.

Also, don't forget to celebrate the reason for the season....read that story! Hang in there mom of 3 and remember it is okay to cry! It's okay to be sad, but let's make the best of our bad situations! Let me know what you do to embrace the change!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 406

Mom of 3,

You are doing everything possible to make this holiday season a special one for your son! Include fun time for yourself, perhaps a skate outside with your son. I encourage you to challenge those negative thoughts of what you perceive as coming your son's way. We are always here to listen and provide support.

Hang in there!

Karen, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Goofy,

Thank you for your post and the song. It made me cry this morning as I don't know how this Christmas will ever end up being merry. I do appreciate your sentiment and understand that I do have the option of finding what I can to be merry about. My son is what matters right now and I will be merry for him even though I know what is coming his way.

I really am having problems with a time of year that is usually enjoyable to me but I can't seem to be able to keep the tears away this time. A little girl wished me Merry Christmas at the grocery store the other day and I had trouble maintaining my composure. A patient brought me a fruit basket in today and I didn't get to see him and his wife while they were there, but just as well, I would have reduced to tears. We play music during surgery and I don't think I can hear that song about the boy buying shoes for his sick Mom one more time before I break down. These are just the surface of the things that are usually so natural becoming a source of pain for me this year.

I don't know what I'm going to do about my Christmas ornaments this year. They are so sentimental to me that I'm unsure what to do. I'm thinking of boxing some separately so I won't have to pull them out next year if I don't want to. So much of me is wrapped up in my husband and our family - I don't know what to do. I know I'll figure it out but it doesn't feel like it right now.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Mom of 3,

Glad to hear it went so well! Also glad that you had the fore thought to get it on to paper, I am sure that helped your counselor, as well as, helped you organize your thoughts. I'd hang on to that paper or a copy of it! That's GREAT!

Now, I am going to try to sound like Judy Garland....here goes....

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Let your heart be light,

From now on

all your troubles will be out of sight.

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Make the Yule-tide gay

From now on

all your troubles will be miles away

Here we are as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more

Through the years

We all will be together

if the fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough

And have yourself a Merry Little Christmas NOW!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hello Mom of 3, Glad to see that you had your first meeting with the counsellor and felt heard. You are doing a very good thing for your mental and emotional wellbeing and hopefully the sessions will make you feel supported and give you a sense of direction as you move forward. You have the right attitude and your son definitely deserves a healthy mom! Enjoy the christmas holidays with your son and lets all send happy and positive vibrations to each other for a brighter and more cheerful year ahead. Faryal, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Rose,

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I saw my counselor for the first time today and although it was just an introductory meeting I felt like she understood me very well. I had my test results from here and I wrote up a sheet of my issues so that we had a starting place without me having to vocalize all of them. That was better for me.

I have no homework save to see my doctor to discuss my medication since I don't feel like the Celexa is helpful. I had already scheduled an appointment with him and see him 12/30. I agreed to start back on the Celexa because she convinced me that even if it is not entirely helpful it may stabilize me enough to work on my issues. I do hate the thought of having to take medication, but since I'm not getting anywhere doing things the way I have been I am going to defer to her for now and see if I get anywhere that way. I will start back in the morning as the Lexapro kept me up at night if I took it late - I don't need that so I'm not taking the chance with the Celexa. I don't know if the doctor can make an appeal for the Lexapro to the insurance but I don't hold much hope for that one! At least she didn't suggest that I go to the hospital, I was afraid that she might. I did keep it together better than I thought I would so that's good. Right now I just know that I need help and am willing to do what it takes to get it. If not really for me then for my son.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

dear mom, do something fun with your son, build a snowman or take him to see light displays. he needs you now more than ever. you know, you could come through the other end of this a butterfly! i see it......i really do. don't crash, stay with us. get a grip, can you get back on the lexapro? hang in there mom, we need you!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Rose,

I'm glad you have a different perspective on your children. You seem to have been beating yourself up about your son's situation for awhile now. If you are a doormat for some of the same reasons that I am then you understand that we allow ourselves to be walked over. We allow it because we always defer to what someone else wants and believe we are helping them. I've begun to realize that it does not help them but enables them to use us. Rose, be kind to yourself. I hope we can get those scrapes on our brains to finally heal up!

Goofy, I thank you for your insight and willingness to share. I myself am not quite able to write about some of the things that are residing within me. I wish I could sometimes but am finding it difficult to do so. I have spent so much time taking things in and not knowing what to do with the pain. I am numb but I know once I recognize the pain I am in it will be devastating. I don't know how I am going to get through this. My whole world is crashing and I feel like I'll never be the same.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

mom, thanks i needed that, too. between you and goofy, you are better psychotherapist than any "professionals" i've been to! have a great day both of you, you deserve it - ps, yes i am a doormat, i still have the scrape marks on my back to prove it! and then they traveled from my back into my brain and they have taken up residence. dammit!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Goofy and Rose,

You both brought up some very good points. Goofy, I really don't think that the first session with the counselor will be anything more than me venting some things and getting to know the counselor. I'm just happy to have a chance to talk to someone who is bound to keep a confidence and who may be able to figure a way to help me

Rose, I do feel like I should have been able to do better by my daughters. I don't know how because I do realize that my main mistake was to have married their father. Many of the issues were perpetuated by my ex. It made for a very bad situation. I wish I had been able to find a way to counteract his manipulations and abuses. I tried to rise above it but he is very good at what he does. I know my daughters have been negatively affected but I am also aware that they carry some of his traits. They are good at manipulating me also. Although I wish I could have been able to do things differently I am sure that I did try my best. It was a very bad situation. I do understand how you feel Rose, but I want to tell you not to beat yourself up. Our children have a free will just like we do, your son is in jail because of him not you. From what you have written here I can't believe you didn't teach your son about right and wrong. He could have chosen a different path but didn't, you did not choose for him. Please don't beat yourself up. Love your son and do what you can for him, but don't blame yourself for the fact that he did not make wise decisions.

As far as your children respecting you - I know what you mean. I am a doormat and my children all know it. They take advantage of me. I finally and pointedly explained that there were things I would not take and gave them my boundaries. Things are better. Rose, you deserve respect but sometimes, as Goofy has already stated, we must demand it.

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I finally have my answer