Well my son does! This is what he feels, I read it over and over asking why>
November 22 at 7:24pm Report
remember when we had that talk on the couch in crofton? about how you always wanted to be in my life and teach me all the things i needed to know about becoming a man, and how you didnt have a fatherly figure when you were my age, and how you didnt wanna end up like him? how he wasnt there for you, you had to teach yourself everything and practically raise yourself. and you told me you wanted to be a good dad and not be anything like your dad because you felt like he wasnt there for you and you didnt want to be anything like him. well you're exactly like your father. you took yourself out of my life at a crucial point and im having to teach myself how to manage my bank account, pay car insurance, find jobs, and save for an apartment all by myself. i know nothing about fixing my car because i didnt have a fatherly figure to teach me so im having to read into it to teach myself to be safe and not drive a car that could break down or cause me to get injured. I'm doing everything myself, and this was your biggest and probably your only promise you've ever made to me, and this is why I hate you. Yes, we all know you've f up by becoming an alcoholic like your father, leaving your family to deal by themselves like your father. honestly since ive never seen my grandpa and only heard stories about him, he sounds like a better dad than i had. mom taught me manners and how to be a gentleman because you were only home for an hour a day before i went to sleep throughout my childhood, then when you finally had time to stay home and spend time with me, you slept on the couch for 72 hours in a row. way to be a good dad. you wanted to know why you lost your "buddy" so im telling you how i feel. its not easy bringing out my feelings and im not sure if you knew that because you dont really know me but this is the best i can do in telling you why I do not want you in my life, because in my eyes you never really were. I am teaching myself how to become a man and soon I'll have my own house and family and I am not putting aside ANY of my time to re-welcome somebody back into my life. So i suggest you find someone else that makes you happy in life, maybe not as happy, but that will let you in their life because you are not welcome in mine. Goodbye.
Lance November 22 at 7:37pm
I saw the therapist lady yesterday ( still cant believe I need a therapist ) she reminded me it took time for the meds to work. I just need to slow down and be more diligent in my activities. I guess I was a little flighty, i was feeling to good and got off track. I didnt really know how to start my life over, so really wasnt??? That make sense, going thru the motions and not really doing anything. I think I need to slow down and focus. I know I cant be happy by making everyone else happy, cause thats what Ive been trying to do all my life and it didnt work. All I did was ruin all my relationships. i do need to find out how to make me happy, that I dont know yet.
I think the blur thing was from the meds, I guess, I just havnt been me, whoever that is. I hate being lost and alone.
So I took notes and I just need to get on track with important stuff, no more farmville! LOL
So I hope if I stay on task, I will be better, lately I havnt.
part of the bipolar thing. Im up Im down. I just would like to stay in the middle. Its like all I can do to get out of bed, then I dont want to go back. Weird.
When I was younger I was big in to photography, bat havnt been for a long time. I have real nice camera equipt. too but my daughter has it, she is taking photography this year.
I didnt really have anything I enjoyed, my hobby was seeing what I could do to make other think highly of me.
I had my homeowner chores I took pride in, yard etc, but now thats all gone. My beautiful 3,000 sq ft home, and nice yard all gone. So I dont know what I enjoy, hopefully in 8 days I will be on the road to a job I enjoy.
