Hi
Hello everyone, I am PB, I have actually been on the sister site for quitting smoking for 6 months now, and decided I was putting the cart before the horse. I was diagnosed with chronic depression 22 years ago. I did the "meds thing" for a while, then decided I didn't like what it was doing to me in the bedroom. At 28 I had to go on the meds again, but again, it didn't last long because of what they did to me. Ever since then I have just been "dealing with it". I have been separated from my 2nd wife for over 3 years now. I feel like I'll never have a "normal" life. When I see couples I actually say to myself, I wish that could be me. I don't think I'll ever be able to love or trust anyone again. There is just nothing left in me to give. People who are "sensative", will actually move away from me rather quickly, because I give off such strong negative vibes. My life is the same old gray day over and over and over again. I guess I'm here now because the holidays are coming. I hate the holidays. I sat alone in my apartment on Thanksgiving Day, no meal, no family, nothing. I tried not to think about it, I tried to convince myself this was normal, but I know its not. Christmas should be just as bad, my oldest son will be away for the first time, he is in the Navy. My youngest son is 15, poor kid has to put up with me all the time. He is BiPolar, ADHD and Obsessive Compulsive. He may be home, but more than likely he'll be with his mom. He would much rather be with her than me, and I can't blame him, I tend to bring people down around me. Anyway, hello everyone. I don't know if I even have the energy to do this program, I am so convinced that this is who I am, and you can't change who you are no matter how hard you try, and if you do your living a lie. But I guess I'm here for some reason, we'll just have to see.
