Thank you everyone for your kind and encouraging words. I broke down driving home yesterday from work, that was a little strange, but the grief just washed over me as I was driving and I had a good cry. To Audrey, no we haven't had that heart to heart, there has been an awkward silence in my home for about 5 days now, my son just buries himself in his laptop, and I bury myself into something else, typical male behavior in my family, if it makes you upset..ignore it.. LOL Anyway, I'm going to take him for a steak dinner tonight, I have to drop him at the recruiters office tomorrow at 2pm, then I'll get to see him Thursday at the MEPS building from 10am to 12pm, then he'll get on the shuttle to the airport and thats it, he'll be gone. So I guess tonight will be my last chance to have that heart to heart with him, I better get it done. Thanks again everyone, I'm still hanging in there, and the junkie is still talking s$#%..
My Mileage
Smoke-Free Days: 73
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,516
Amount Saved: $700.80
Life Gained:
Days: 10 Hrs: 14 Mins: 48 Seconds: 45
My storys a bit different, dad quit before I was born, but I am the only one my mom smoked with while she was pregnant. Turns out, I am the only one out of myself and my two sisters who smokes. I remember loving the smell of it as a young child. I got caught smoking when I was 9, and got the butt whipping of a lifetime! I was caught again at 11, and was grounded to my yard for the whole summer plus a butt whipping. Then I started up when I was 14, mom and dad divorced when I was 15 and I was able to smoke freely then, along with a lot of other things I won't go into here...hehe.
My Mileage
Smoke-Free Days: 73
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,516
Amount Saved: $700.80
Life Gained:
Days: 10 Hrs: 14 Mins: 48 Seconds: 45
I really wish I hadn't read this...200 days and still thinking of it everyday!! I was hoping I was getting close to forgetting about smoking all together, but I guess I was fooling myself. I feel for you stubborn, I know how it feels for every thought in your head to be related to a smoke.
My Mileage
Smoke-Free Days: 73
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,516
Amount Saved: $700.80
Life Gained:
Days: 10 Hrs: 14 Mins: 48 Seconds: 45
Well, I did it, I had my heart to heart with him. I also took him to the steak house, I invited his mom, my X, and of course his brother came along. It was a nice dinner, I told him to get whatever he wanted, and he did, I didn't mind the $120 bill at the end, it was worth it. So after dinner we got home, and we sat down and talked, turns out I'm more worried than he is. I guess that would be normal since I'm the parent, I know I gave my parents ulcers when I was young. Today I have to drop him off at the recruiters office, he'll stay the night in a hotel tonight. Then tomorrow morning I can see him for a few hours before he goes to the airport to leave. It's coming fast, faster than I thought it would. Lets see, oldest one leaving the nest, midlife crisis moving in???? LOL Still smoke free, lots of deep breathing, gum, and coming here for inspiration.
My Mileage
Smoke-Free Days: 74
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,564
Amount Saved: $710.40
Life Gained:
Days: 10 Hrs: 18 Mins: 17 Seconds: 45
I just got home from dropping him off at the recruiters, I watched him get in the van that will take hime to Columbus, he looked so scared. Why do I feel so grief stricken?? I can't stop crying. I just want to start over, I want him to be a baby again. I will never get over this..I never thought in a million years it would be this hard..never..I have to go..I can't do this right now
ok, I've regained my composure, sorry for the outburst before. Tomorrow is going to be a nightmare, how am I going to be strong enough to set there and say goodbye? I am not looking forward to tomorrow. His mother is already trying to see if she can get him out of it..I told her it's not the boy scouts, you just can't quit when you want to. Anyway, I know it is what he needs, I know it is best for him in the long run, but I never thought I would react like this to a child leaving home. I thought I'd be dancing in the streets, but it is quite the opposite, and is the junkie in me loving this turmoil in my life...oh yes..it is loving it, whispering in my ear of how all hope is lost now, he is gone, your getting old, might as well live out your years enjoying your smokes. Whats a few years saved anyways if you can't enjoy life...yea I'm hearing it all. My evil little junkie, dying inside of me.
Thanks Sue, I need all the hugs I can get right now. I really need to turn this into a positive before it turns and bites me on the a$$. I think with time I will be fine, but how much time. What if he cannot come home for xmas, what about his B-day, this is not going to stop for a while, I need to use it as a motivator somehow.
My Mileage
Smoke-Free Days: 74
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,586
Amount Saved: $710.40
Life Gained:
Days: 10 Hrs: 19 Mins: 55 Seconds: 22
Now its a pizza, I'm losing it over a freakin pizza I bought for him, but he didn't eat it before he left!! So I'm cooking it, and scrubbing, and doing laundry, and cleaning, and anything to get my mind of of this horrible day! I don't know if I'll get through it. I really want to go buy a pack now. I know it won't help, and I appreciate everyones encouraging words, but setting here alone, with all of these memories around me, its just so hard. This weekend will be a true test of will.
My Mileage
Smoke-Free Days: 74
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,586
Amount Saved: $710.40
Life Gained:
Days: 10 Hrs: 19 Mins: 55 Seconds: 22
Thank you Martha, I am strong for him, he never see's me like this. I save this for when I'm alone. I'm doing better right now. I guess I'm feeling a little responsible for all of this, I kind of steered him in this direction, because I knew it's what he needed. But when I see the fear in his eyes, it just crushes me. I know a boy is going into bootcamp, and a man is going to come out the other end. I know he will get to see the world, I know he will never forget his Navy experience, as I never forgot mine. But it still hurts. Suprisingly my junkie is weak now, almost nonexistant.
My Mileage
Smoke-Free Days: 74
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,586
Amount Saved: $710.40
Life Gained:
Days: 10 Hrs: 19 Mins: 55 Seconds: 22
Thanks to everyone, I think I will shower and go to bed early. Another hurdle awaits me tomorrow, I'm going to need my rest.
God Bless all of you, I wouldn't be where I'm at in my quit without you.
My Mileage
Smoke-Free Days: 74
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,586
Amount Saved: $710.40
Life Gained:
Days: 10 Hrs: 19 Mins: 55 Seconds: 22
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