Thank you for your sympathy for the fish. The big koi was incredible. I'm surprised I was attached to it as I was. The fish aquarium is lacking now. It was about 14 inches long. Beautiful fish it was. It would wag its tail at feeding time like a cat or dog would. Sometimes if I walked by the aquarium and didn't look at it, it would try to splash me with water. It has got me a few times. I will miss that.
I think it was the staying busy part and being productive for me today and I forgot how much I enjoy baking from scratch. I used to bake a variety of cookies years ago in a days time. So it was a nice reminder of how much I enjoy it. It felt very relaxing and stress free to be in the kitchen and honestly, I didn't want to rest because I was concerned I would take a nap and get off schedule. I know I won't have a problem sleeping tonight at all.
I would definitely put a few fish in the pond. They are relaxing to watch and would be tasty to eat as well. As for the encore, I'm going to gain some weight by eating the loafs of bread. I will freeze all except one of each variety. I've already devoured half of the Cinnamon Apple and that will be my breakfast this morning. Not the other half, just a slice. :) Then I will go outside to the flower beds to weed and deadhead.
As for popular, I had to giggle at that. It reminded me of 20+ years ago when I had to individually tell co friends of my first marriage during the divorce who were being asked to choose sides and not by me, that "I wasn't born to win any popularity contests, I'm not going to start now". Needless to say, they didn't take to well to that. CBT let me think about that and not feel a thing except that little giggle.
The past two weeks have really been a test of my Panic disorder and Agoraphobia or should I say it's testing the CBT skills I've learned. From the Vertigo, to the power outage, to overnight guests last night, to waking up to unexpected banging this morning. Boom, Boom, Boom. I sat straight up in bed, my first thought was someone had started a load of laundry and the washer is off balance. My heart started racing at the urgency of "why in the heck did you start of load of laundry while I was sleeping, to that can't be my washer" as the constant Booms continued. Quickly out of bed to the laundry room I went as I realized the sound was not coming from there. To the living room I went, when my groggy mind realized it was coming from outside. But wait, where are my guests, I pondered as I noticed my unlocked door. To the guest room, I went. Empty of occupants while the boom boom boom continued. At this point, I went to the door and opened it, to see a landscaping crew repairing the yard damage with a dirt tamper on a heavy backhoe beating the ground. I think to myself, Thanks for the phone call to let me know in advance that you were coming to repair the damage. As frustrated as I am at the past and current events, I can say its been very stressful. I'm coping with these stress challenges with the skills I have learned, but feeling something today I can't quite put to word yet. I feel sensory overloaded.
Quote: I'm coping with these stress challenges with the skills I have learned,
but feeling something today I can't quite put to word yet. I feel
sensory overloaded.
I'm coping, but struggling with the coping with so much going on. Am I missing something in my CBT? Which leads to the question how do any others on here handle or cope with sensory overload?
Today must be my coal day. My sensory overload was sound and people. Looking back a couple of weeks I recalled the hedge apples by the creek. I put in my earplugs, but did not turn on any sound and went and kicked some hedge apples into the creek. I did manage to take a nap as well. I feel a bit more composed now than I did earlier. The only sound I hear right at the moment is my typing on the keyboard and a few birds in the yard.
I asked myself the questions you responded with and found a few answers to each of them. Now, I just need to find a coping skill for when I have sensory overload. I'm out of flour, so no baking this evening. I have fabric for a quilt cut and ready, but not prepared for the sound of my sewing machine. The evening is young, I have ear plugs, so that could change. Accomplishment is good.
Welcome, I've been here for 8-9 weeks and it's a really good program. There are many people on here who feel the same way. You're not alone in your thoughts. CBT retrains how you think and you learn coping strategies to help. I have learned through the forums there are no short cuts, but I didn't look for any. I have done my homework diligently. Today, I have to learn a new coping skill for a new feeling that arose. Don't be shy about using the forum. Someone might have gone through the same thing or have a suggestion that could help.
I brought my tablet camping because there is wifi here, but is very slow. Using my cell phone now and a stylus to type. Last night was chilly. Rainy today. But its so peaceful and relaxing.
You have a way with words. I could actually picture what you described in great detail. My description would have been a brief comical short on how Panic Girl went camping with A.D.H.D brother and survived to tell about it. I just got home and I can still smell the scent of campfire on me. It rained 70% of the weekend, but didn't bother me in the least. I actually went and played Bingo by myself while camping so I had some great exposure therapy. Also won a few dollars playing bingo. Now to unload the car and get everything put away, then I have flower beds to tend to.
Driving was my longest avoided fear. I can go get in the car and drive around a parking lot with little to no anxiety now. I drove while camping. My biggest issue was the windows rolled up, so I had to roll them down to calm me down. I was not able to make left turns (that's something I need more exposure therapy with me) but, I knew I wanted chocolate bars for smores and the only way to get it, was to drive to go get them. I got rewarded (smores) for driving and it gave me a sense of freedom and success. I had to pull over once and compose myself. I knew in advance where the pull off was and that helped me with getting behind the wheel. I also repeated, I got this, this is no big deal and you can handle a little anxiety, soon you will be calm. I hope this helps...
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