treatment goals worksheet (homework)

I no longer have a therapist due to lack of insurance funding. My G.P will only book appointments i month at a time and then only to prescribe more meds. 2008, Hope you are well before then.x

mother

Hi Tania, Try not to shut your mother out of your life as if even as you say she brings you down with her own depression. Try to limit your time with her, have you tried talking to her about the way you are feeling without bringing up her own depression? As A Mother myself, I would hate it, absolutley hate it if I thought that my own depression would spark off theirs. I know it has an effect on them as they are concerned for me but I promise you that if i thought that either of my children were suffering in this way my 1st instinct would be to protect them. Maybe if she knew how deep your depression lies and you told her that you cannot be around any negativity for a while so you can heal she may be able to hold herself together because she loves you. i do hope so. Please talk to her. Keep it about you and the way you feel and not accuse her as she obviously has her own issues to deal with. Good luck. x

I Will Not Go Down

Lady, You know we have our good days our ok days and more often than not at the moment our terrible days. Today you have one of the terrible days. Your feelings are real and so are your tears, pray tonight for the strength to get through this. You will. Hold on tight, even if the tears wont stop. i had this myself last week and went into a terrible self destruct mode that i thought I couldnt get out of but here I am today feeling ok ish. Am tired, cant sleep and worrying about DRs appointment tomorrow but in my head the fog has cleared al little. Yours will too. just think of a crying baby, they exhaust themselves crying and all they want to do is sleep. That is what is happening to you. The crying and despair you feel right now is a lot to do with being tired as well as depressed. A vicious circle. Make dinner for your son, try to eat something yourself and then try to read a story to him or get him to read something to you then you can have an early night and start with a fresh mind tomorrow. maybe you can take a relaxing bath? Please hang in there. The better feelings will come back, in your heart you know that. Just go with the flow today and think what a crap day. But its only a day and you have a life time in front of you. Do this for your son, if you cant be strong for you right this second, do so for him. He loves and needs you. Hold tight lady, do you have any meds that may calm you a little at this horrible time? x

What???

lady, OOOo the teen years, boys are especially tough. My son seemed to loose the ability to speak from 13 until 20. It was just a grunt. never sat on the sofa but layed across it with his large feet on the coffe table. Trainers left especially to trip you up, one in the hall as you walked in the door, the other in the lounge. He seemed to take up all the room in the house, his stuff everywhere. His total lack of enthusiasm for anything other than hanging out with his friends was more than frustrating, but i was well then and could argue my case. How difficult it must be for you when you are feeling so desperate. Teenagers seem to have a me me me brain and the whole world is revolving around them. Try not to take his behaviour personally, he is not being mean to you. I know that is difficult, you were doing so well, you are doing so well. Hang on in there. Your son will come right but unfortunately not before he is an adult. Just pile up his stuff and throw it in his room and tell him if he wants to live in a mess he must keep his mess and attitude to himself. You will still love him but prefer your part of the house to be ordered. Be firm and strong. He needs boundrys. I remember my son really moaning about how I wouldnt allow him to go to this club, he was only 16. I was the worst mum in the world, but later he admitted he actually didnt want to go but also didnt want to loose face with his friends so it was easier for him to say he wasnt allowed. You can do this. You can. Hold on. x

homework

Thanks so much maggie, dumpling, casey, Today I am shattered but happy I got through yesterday. Wanted the feeling to last but am a little down today, not too much though. Look at the wreath on the outside of the house and feel good about it. They have invited me to the somme in france for the rememberance at 11 oclock on 11th day of the 11th month. The day 1st world war ended. I thanked them but declined but was delighted to be asked. My thoughts will be with them. Next year they have arranged for a hurricane jet to fly over the house. Hopefully I will be well by then. Thank you for your encouragement. x x

highs and lows

Yesterday i felt good for the 1st time in a long long time. I was tired but I felt i had achieved something and done my homework. Why then do i feel so low just now? Although the low is not the low I felt a week ago it is in stark contrast to yesterday. I went to see my spinal surgeon today and was hoping that he would find something that could be fixed. I knew in my heart that this was unlikely but I hoped for it just the same. It was a real dissapointment to be told that nothing more can be done. the next step is a pain management programe. I dont want to loose my mind to the fog that comes with the heavy pain meds on top of the depression. They understand and listened to me and said we would find a balance in the pain that was manageble to me without fogging my mind. A trade off. No pain = no brain. Some pain= some brain. heavy pain = o.k.brain. I am going to try to settle for the middle one but selfishly want no pain and o.k brain. I hate this. The depression thing is bad enough to cope with but the pain is terible too. Am I wrong to want a life? I love the theatre, but at the moment cant sit for the duration of a show. My passion is to travel but long plane journeys are out of the question. My husband keeps telling me there are people that are worse than me. I know that. I know people are living with terrible disabilities but it doesnt make me feel any better and then I feel terrible about feeling bad because others are worse off. I felt so good yesterday. A real positive step forward. I dont want to go backwards and feel that my medication is helping me a lot. The tears are not coming nearly as much. Sorry to ramble, its 1.30 am and my mind is racing, i feel irritable and husband is sleeping. I want to be able to switch of the thoughts in my head. I have had a relaxing bath, put on my favorite music, breathed deeply and nothing is working. I dont even feel like doing something constructive like the ironing. I am tired. i have eaten so much chocolate and cake I feel guilty about that too. When will the good days be more than the bad?

highs and lows

Hi, Thanks for the encouragement. i am trying to work session 3 but it is slow going, keep having to go back to session 2. Have persuaded husband to go out to lunch tomorrow as my activity. Will make me put on some make up instead of just slothing around the house. Really cant be bothered as food is not the pleasure it once was but i know that i must make the effort. Will enjoy once i get out and hopefully can encourage my son and his girlfriend to join us. Have organised some things for every other day next week so i am trying hard. At the moment have to give myself a day in between as I dont know how my back and mind will hold up.

I Will Not Go Down

Lady, i am also taking longer to work through session 3. Have to keep going back to session 2. Not sure why, just slow to take it in i guess. Had a good day last week followed by a dissapointing hospital visit so had to keep going over my thoughts and trying to turn the negative into a positive. Really hard at times. I get so frustrated with myself. I have arranged an activtity for every other day next week and although its what i should be doing I cant help feeling anxious about it. Have found though that if it involves just myself i tend to find any reason to cancel but if i offer to do something for someone else i wont let them down so wont cancel. Its the only way I know to actually make sure I do the homework.

highs and lows

whoosh, the low has come back big time. Why why why. I am taking my meds. Last night I watched the hours go by and just couldnt sleep.5 am and I was still clock watching. This morning I got up and my husband made me some tea and i just started crying, shouting. I was angry that I felt like this. Angry that although we had the big family talk and all were going to be supportive it seems to me in my irrational thoughts, that its all talk no action. What has happened to their active presence to help me with pleasant activities? i have been trudging through this misery as always alone. I know it is me that needs to do the work to get well but why do they promise to help then do nothing. It just makes me feel let down and worse than before. They were going to learn about my illness. Have they bothered to? Far to busy for that. I feel let down and hurt. I know the 'meeting was only a week ago and I should give them a chance but i am struggling day by day. My luxury is not wow lets do something nice next month. Next month might as well be next year. i know I am being unrealistic, but cant help/stop these thoughts. Nobody cares, thats how I feel. They just want me to pop back to normal. Its not a cold. I cant get over this in a couple of days. My guess is that as they spoke to me on my good day they think I am over it. what is happening, why am I so angry, i feel agitated, tired, exhausted by all of this. Its just too big a struggle to keep going.

treatment plans

wildcat you are an inspiration. I struggle with the home work. Have not done a thought record today inspite of a bad start to the day. Things got better as the day went on and now I am back agitated and anxious. not kept a mood report or anything. You must be the ideal pupil and will certainly succeed in completing the programe and be able to take control of this silent illness. Well done. x