Thanks Kera7
Today got better thank god, but i now feel agitated and anxious again so your positive vibes definately reached me. Will pray and think of you and try to send some positive energy back to you.
Everyone is in bed sleeping and this time of night is awful for me, just turned midnight here in U.K. I just wish the sleep would come. I feel sure I could cope with the day better if I wasnt so tired and irritable.
Have agreed with my husband though that I will change my regular Doctor as 1. He is not regular, I invariably end up seeing a stand in.
2. He had had me on a cocktail of drugs that are apparently unsuitable.
Luckily have a new spinal surgeon who suggested this so hopefully will have some support from the new dr with my depression.
Maggie,
I have felt 'left out' for most of my life. Cant remember specific bullying at school but i remember that I never seemed to fit in.
Never had the right 'in' clothes etc. It wasn't until i was an adult that i became aware that as a family we were very poor when i was a child and that is why my parents just couldnt afford the clothes etc.
i guess this has had an effect on me as i still try to conform to what people think I should be.
Who am I?
It wasnt until a therapist asked me what I like to do that I really didnt know. Had never thought about it. i couldnt answer the question without saying, oh my husband likes to do this or go here or my son or my daughter.
I have defined myself as always being somebodys daughter, wife mother etc. Have never looked out for me as an individual person.
Dont know if thats possible now at my age as lots of things I would have liked to have done would have been in my youth. I have learnt to be an invisible person. This is probably why i am so frustrated and depressed.
You are not alone.
There are a lot of people who feel as you do. Not sure what the answer is but I am trying so hard with the program maybe when i get to the end I will have discovered myself! x
maggie,
you dont have to apologise for anything you post,
I think its what we are all here for to share each others experiences and help if and when we are able.
It also makes us question ourselves, which is good.
As I posted earlier to you i hadnt thought about this much but it is very real for me and is obviously a question i need to deal with myself and have some resentment towards my husband for always living his life.
What happened to mine?
I think you are quite right when you say we seem to get to an age where we kind of stand up for ourselves.
Maybe its more to do with realising that you will not like everybody and you cant make everybody like you no matter what you do.
Its important to have friends we like and trust and we know that they will be few and far between.
I think I have known this weakness in myself as I have gone out of my way to encourage my daughter to be strong and have her own life outside of others. She has high self esteem and doesn't apologise for herself. If only i had learn't those skills for myself.
I am trying now but old habits die hard.
Other people dont know how to react to you when you try to stand up to them. They are so used to you blending in.
We need to try and change their behaviour towards us as well as changing our own behaviour. Easyior said than done.
Good luck.x
goals,
I feel like the England football team, always trying but not succeeding to achieve the amount of goals that i set.
Its just another thing that I cant do.
Another failure, not achieving the goals.
I try to be realistic in setting the goals but its frustrating when 1st goal is to get up, shower and put on a bit of make up.
When even that is a challenge how do we get further?
My goal for tomorrow is to do just that and get into London to meet friends from overseas for lunch. They have come from a different country and i am struggling with the thought of driving a couple of hours.
I feel pathetic and ridicules, Cant think of what to wear, (will they care)
What if i cant get parked? All these stupid questions going around in my head just to do what used to be so easy i did it without thinking.
Another goal before then is to sleep. now thats one I would really love to win. x
dumpling,
You've hit the nail on the head.
I am all of your list, except maybe above normal intelligence.
My big question these days is what is normal?
When I was at school i was always at the top end of the top stream, however when at university I seemed to be on a level with others in my group.
When I started work I did seem to climb the professional ladder quite quickly but then I became a full time Mum and Lost myself.
For only 6 years I was me. For the rest of my life I have been defined as a daughter, wife, Mother etc whose needs come after everyone else.
Who am I? I dont even know what I want.
All I do know is that I want to be in control of this depression and it is one hell of a battle.
Just when you think you doing o.k. something small sends you back in the black hole. Although when I look at the mood sheets I see that the tears are not coming as often. I want to feel happy, or feel anything apart from the numbness.
Lady,
I guess that if you feel that you dont belong here then none of us do.
We all do, You included, You are having a bad time with your kids. That is tough for even the most stable minded, believe me, I really dont know anyone who has been through the teen years without incident.
I know that doesnt make it easier for you, i just want to reassure you that it is not anything you are doing wrong.
Your kids are testing the boundrys, it is how they learn just how far they can push you, and push you to the limit they will.
You must be strong and let them know you are dissapointed in their behaviour and will not tolerate them stealing from you or anyone else.
Josie is right, we know from previous posts that you are a good Mum.
Hold on tight, you could be in for a rough ride but you will come through it.
Have faith in yourself. You are a good person, if you didnt care you wouldn't be posting your concern.
There is no dress rehearsal for being a parent. We learn as we go along and we may not always get it right but we do our best.
That is all you can do. Its what you are doing. be kind to yourself. x
Maggie,
You say you cant expect your husband to know how you feel. My husband is the same, it wasnt until my son spoke to him that he even bothered to read a little about this illness.
Your Husband should find out how you feel. There is enough information on this web site. Print him the page that is symptoms of depression.
if you had cancer or another illness he wouldnt be so ready to brush your feelings to one side. Expect and demand more from him. He is your other half and you need his support through this.
Good luck x
Maggie,
I fully understand what you say.
My husband also top of his profession while I was a mere housewife and mother.
Problem is, they think because people at work hang on their every word, you would behave like that also.
The reality is of course you are his equal and not one of his employees.
The same goes for his family, they see the successful breadwinner and are proud of his achievements, he on the other hand should be proud of your achievments as behind every successful man there is a successful wife.
How could he do his job if you were not at home looking after every aspect of his life other than his job?
Do not underestimate what you do.
Being a mother is the toughest job in the world and one of the most important.
It is with a Mothers guidance that the future is born.
Educate woman and you educate the world, educate man and he looks after himself!
Make him see your contribution, write him a letter explaining how undervalued you feel.
As you say, for maybe you and me both, it may all be too little too late but we mustn't give up just yet.
We may give up on our husbands but we must not give up on ourselves.
We will be stronger, we will win.
Good luck x
Hi Angelmom,
this is my 1st on line group ever also.
I have been helped so much by the group so I am sure you will be too. Dont be afraid to post how you are feeling, we have all been there in one way or another.
I found it a great support to know others were taking their time and trouble to post back to me, the best part is that people really listen.
You will be given some great advice, i'm sure.
Try to work through the session diary, its tough sometimes but it will help. I have been on session 3 for what seems like forever. The lack of motivation is something this depression has an enormous effect on me.
Sometimes I cant even be bothered to get out of bed but now its one of my goals, just to get myself up, showered dressed etc.
Take each day as a new day. You will have ups and downs along the way but we are here when you need us.
good luck x
It’s been a while since you were active on this site. Please extend your session below
You have been logged out due to inactivity.
Please sign back in.
We use cookies to help us learn about how our platform is used and how we can improve your experience. To
learn more please see our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
