Welcome to the group. I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time. My only advice to you is that you don't have to handle it all and you are not responsible for everyone. I read a book called titled Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and it helped me a lot. In fact I think I need to read it again. You might want to give it a look see at your local book store and see if you think it might be helpful to your situation. Please go easy on your self and focus on getting well.
Just wanted to say Hi and let everyone know I'm still here and feeling relaxed today. I take your hand Grumbles and want to extend my hand in friendship and support to others in this support group.
First off I want to welcome you to the group. I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your kids. I have very little contact with my son also, its seems that the kids grow up and get their own lives and mates and that their mates family becomes their whole life. They work hard to keep it all together in a tough world. My partner and I both have grown kids that are very busy living their lives and seem to have forgotten about us. We both have lost our parents now and the kids & grand kids were all we had left. Familys today do not seem to as close knit as ours were and now all seem to live in different places not just a couple of miles away. I have had problems with my son and his wife saying I do not see my grand children enough but when ever I try to make contact they are to busy and I really do not feel welcome. Kids just do not seems to understand that having a relationship is a 2 way street and it requires some effort on their part as well. Any way to make a long story short it is just easier for them to blame it all on their parents than take some responsibility for how it is. I have grow tired of trying to be perfect in everyone elses eyes I am trying to do the best I can to get along in this world and be happy. I just try to remember what I was like at 38 and try to remind myself that our kids still have a lot of of things to go through in life, as so do we on this journey called life. I have been feeling depressed with the holidays coming thats for sure. My partner and I have each other this year to spend it with and I will be thankful for that. Hang in there Lance and continue to work on getting better because you are worth it. We all are worth it and need to remind our selfs of that every day.
Welcome to the support group. I want to let you know that your are not alone in your feeling of be tired of being depressed and having your depression make you tired. I too find it very exhausting fighting the depression.
Good morning every body ! I wanted to extend my hand in friendship and support to everyone this morning. I am extending my hand in friendship and support to the next dc member in line.
The holidays are hear again and I am dealing with the holiday blues again. I love all the holiday lights and decorations and music this time of year but my family or I should say lack of family makes it very painful. They have their get togethers but I am not included and if I am invited no one talks to me its like I am invisible. I received a call from my son yesterday which was nice he said he and my daughter in law and the kids are going to her mothers house for thanksgiving which by the way is 5 minutes from my house. I told him I had made reservations for dinner since I had not heard from anyone. I asked him if he wanted to come by while he was here but he said he didn't know, the kids would want to visit with their grandma and I told him I am a grandma too. He said he would see how it goes. This is how my holidays go every year and it can be very depressing and I find myself falling into the pit again. Last year at Xmas I was not allowed to take my grandchildren their presents so I mailed them, my daughter in law said the didn't want company for Xmas. My son called on Christmas eve day to talk and he and I found out the other grandmas were coming to his house for Xmas day. Any way this is why I keep traveling and looking for a new place to live farther away from them where it won't hurt so much. I am tired of running from this depression and sometimes wonder why I am still here. My husband passed away Nov 6 2003 and the rest of my family have all passed away. This holiday thing has been going for 10 yrs now and I really need move on, and find happiness. I am very thankful that I have had a new partner in my life for the last 4 1/2 years, he makes life worth living. I do not want to let this depression ruin our lives together. I am looking for a way to deal with this holiday depression for good. Any advice from someone who has dealt with this kind of thing would be greatly appreciated. I forced myself to go to the pool yesterday before my son called and that helped but this morning the depression and grief hit me hard again. I know this is long winded but writing this is helping me I think.
Thank you for the response. I have already invited my son and his family to stop by and visit while he is in town. I told him I had a dinner reservation for 1pm and would be coming home shortly after that and would like it if they come by to visit while they are here. He said he would have to see how it goes and that they might be able to come by but the kids would want to visit with their grandma meaning his mother in law.
Any way I think I have done all I can do to have a relationship with them and it is time to move on and enjoy my life with my partner with out them. I feel it takes both parties to work on a relationship and both parties have to be willing to put some effort into it for it to work. My son knows I feel this way and I have suggested this to him many times before. I have suggested things such as family barbeques, picnics,camping trips etc and have asked him to let me know when he can fit it into his schedule. I am going to take your advice and enjoy the holidays with my partner. I have gotten through these depressing times before by remembering that I am never really alone because of my spirituality. " I will not leave you or forsake " has gotten through many tough times as has the "23rd psalm" and the poem "Foot prints in the sand". I am thankful that I have God and my partner to spend these holidays with and keep reminding myself that " This is a day that the Lord has made and I will be glad and rejoice in it. I want finish this posting by wishing everyone here a very happy holiday season.
May God bless you all and be with you during this holiday season,
Who & What ? Has helped me the most on this journey:
My partner and my faith in god have helped me the most on this journey.
The poem" Footprints in the sand"
The framed " Twenty Third Psalm " which belonged to my Great Grandfather from Scotland
Someone who told me what their pastor said to them to remember in their time of grief and despair which I wrote on a piece of paper and put up in my kitchen. " This is a day the Lord has made I shall be glad and rejoice in it"
Someone who I met at the hospital while my husband was sick and dieing . I had planned on dieing shortly after him because I felt I had no purpose left in life and she told me to remember this. That God had said " I will not Leave or forsake you" that I would not be alone and that God would decide when it was time for me to leave this earth and that god had a purpose for me in this life.
The book " Boundaries" and many other spiritual based books
Grief groups held by Hospice
Long walks and exercise
Quiet and solutitue
These are the things that have helped me the most on my journey through grief and depression.
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