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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Ashley,

I think you are absolutely right. I have been trying to avoid therapists, and the like, because I fear that I am giving up control, surrendering myself to them and acknowledging I am weak. This scares me and I do often resist this. I have been trying to do this on my own, but it is time to admit that medication and my own research and insight is simply not enough. I am considering the option to go for therapy with someone new and start my sessions again. I cannot afford not to see a therapist anymore.

Thank you,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Hi Fallabe,

It might be a good idea to see another therapist to reassess your symptoms, especially if you feel that you were diagnosed incorrectly. They also may be able to prescribe different medications with further assessment. What are your thoughts on that?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Ashley,

I currently am not seeing a therapist. I have not been to a therapist in about a year or two. I do have a terrible memory, often forgetting what I said just a few moments ago. Also my memories are very disheveled and seem to not make any sort of organizational sense. Anyway, as I remember it, I was diagnosed with depression. I have been to several therapists/psychiatrists. I remained in therapy very briefly (only for two or three months). I feel that I my symptoms have not been given the proper amount of attention to by my therapists and psychiatrists, often assuming that they already know whats wrong with me before I even get to really explain it. Also, at the time, I did not have the self-awareness and insight that I do now on my condition and my symptoms, so I probably did to mention all of them that I have talked about on these forums. Also, because it was only briefly, perhaps i did not get enough time in therapy to truly make an accurate assessment. That being said, I currently am on the medication Zoloft, that I have requested myself. My mom's friend is a nurse practitioner and she calls in my prescription each time. We do not discuss my symptoms, nor do we do therapy together, I simply research it myself, tell her what I think I need and she gives me feedback and tells me of meds that have worked for other patients and that I might consider trying them. I did try Effexor XR once, but I only felt good the first few weeks, and then I crashed so hard and felt just terrible.

I do somewhat understand the effects of drugs and know they aren't good for me. Thank you for further stressing that point.

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Diva,

Thats ok. Thank you for the warm welcome. I look forward to hearing more from you in this post and/or others. I appreciate your being kind and friendly.

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Hi Fallabe,

What did your therapist or psychiatrist say about these other symptoms you are mentioning?

It's also to important to stress here that the use of illegal drugs is highly discouraged. Often these drugs can worsen symptoms and they have the potential to create permanent health issues. You seem to have a lot of insight into this. Often depression and other mental illness have concurrent disorders, in some cases addiction. People may look for ways to cope and alcohol and illegal drugs may be a maladaptive coping mechanism that is developed. Although you say it does provide you with some false relief, it is good that you are able to recognize this as an unhealthy coping mechanism. Please be careful.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hello Fallabe,

I realized I had not said Welcome to the forums yet. So welcome to the forums! As you have already noticed the people here are great! Post often!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

furgittit,

Thanks once again for your input. I fidn your insight and suggestions helpful. I have taken seroquel before. It made me extremely tired. All the time. I was getting a case of "the narcs". I kept falling asleep unexpectedly, even when standing up. I couldn't keep my eyes open for any long periods of time. The other meds I have not heard of. I will look more into other meds, such as the ones you mentioned, as well as others to see what medication I should be taking.

I have been trying to deal with this problem, mostly on my own over the years of my life, thus far. I am now 21. Will be 22 this January the 17th. However, I often feel infantile or child-like. I don't necessarily feel the age I actually am. I feel I need to talk myself into doing normal, everday activities. Simple stuff can seem so complex. I'm sure you understand this all already though. I just want to get better. I'm so impulsive to the point where I almost cannot control it or help it. I try to stop myself, but a strong pull comes over me and drags me toward that impulsive activity. I also say impulsive things too, even when I don't mean them, or when I only mean it for the moment because of my mood.

I am trying to work this all out. I'm hopeful this will hopefully be coming to an end. By this, I mean, I hope I will soon be able to live a normal, functional life despite my symptoms.

Taking illegal drugs has been an escape for me. I forget who I am and or who I need to be and go on automatic. I don't have to think for myself. My body just goes where it wants and I say what I want. In many ways this is freeing. Though the real truth is that I am imprisoning myself. Not thinking for myself may take away from my thought and all the crap in my head, but it makes me less functional, even though it seems I am more functional. It is an illusion.

I hope to hear more from you in the forums. Thank you.

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Fallabe,

There are a number of medications to deal with some of the side effects of BPD, anti-depressant's, anti-anxiety med's, anti-psychotics. True, no-one drug has been made to help with all of the side effects of BPD, but to alleviate some of the effects so you can concentrate on attempting to have a "normal" life and deal with some of the issues contributing to BPD is always a good thing.

I take Celexa, Seroquel, and Imovane to help with my "crazies". Celexa, so I don't cry all the time, Seroquel and Imovane to help me sleep so I can have a somewhat "normal" "functional" life. These took quite awhile to even me out (by that, I mean months) enough to not be crazy all the time. I have yet to find a therapist that will actually work "with" me, instead of telling me that "studies show" and lumping me with everyone else.

I think with any mood/personality/crazy disorder we have to keep plugging away until we find a "legal" way of dealing with it. I can see why the illegal drugs and alcohol appeal to most people with BPD it is an escape from the inner imbalance, turmoil, ups and downs. It is not something I have done in many years, heck I get tipsy off one mudshake.

Keep trying and pushing till you get some answers and remember we are here for you.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Goofy,

Thank you for the welcome and yes, You are absolutely right. I have often come in too-close-for-comfort contact with the law. Its a miracle I haven't been arrested. I did get kicked out of my college dorms during my freshman year for smoking pot on campus in the school parking lot. I was not kicked out of school, although, it was a pain in the a** because it was one week before my finals. I had to go to a local hotel, which was not so local. haha. I had to walk a mile from the hotel, Take a bus for an hour and then walk a couple fo blocks to my school. Not fun, lol. But, I do accept the responsibility for my actions. It was wrong of me. I was just stupid and didn't care about gettin caught, I just wanted to get high.

Thanks for you're thoughts,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Furgittit,

Thank you for the welcome. Yes, it has been frustrating trying to fidn out my exact diagnosis. Of course, when the right diagnosis isn't made, one can take all the wrong medications and not truly getter better (at least not fully). I have read a little about Borderline Personality disorder. I do often feel that at anytime, from moment, to moment I can change. Someone can go from being my best friend to my worst enemy in just 5 minutes or less. Its hard to keep up with even myself, I can imagien what others must feel like. I've been called, "psycho", "crazy", "out fo my mind", among other things.

I am glad you made the suggestion of Borderline personality disorder, because I have thought of that some, though not a lot fo the time. I heard that there is no medication they can give you for personality disorders though. Which, of course, doesn't help my case. Therapy has been a method of treatment, but I find that it makes me angry. I feel like I don't want to talk about these issues. I feel angry about having to explain myself to others, including therapists. I also often feel angry about being f-ed up in the first place, lol. But I do have to deal with this. These are the cards I've been dealt and I have to somehow make it through.

Thanks for your input,

Fallabe12

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