What???

Try reading and following The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. Because I am not religious, it doesn't do a much for me but it is a worthwhile book and I think it might help you. As for your son, I don't know how anyone raises 2 boys as a single parent. He's 14, right? A rough age to cope with. Even worse when you are depressed. He is at an age where he will have no sympathy for tears and depression and may instead use them to his advantage. Not because he is a bad kid, just because he is a kid. I always found lying the hardest to take. Try to get through to him that you will support him in trouble but he has to be honest with you. These are hard years coming up for him and for you. My younger son was 21 before I finally stopped feeling like it was my fault every time he screwed up. Good luck. Keep talking, even about kids. Many of us have been there.

What???

No husband is definitely preferable to an abusive one. But still, the single mother thing does suck. At 14 it is time for the long journey towards taking responsibility for himself. It is not easy for parent or child. I think the hardest part is knowing when to give them rope and when you rein them in. More and more they start needing to make their own decisions and suffer their own consequences, but they still need and want boundaries. And one day they act like they are 3 and the next day 30. And it even changes from moment to moment. I think the best way of thinking about these difficult years is as a series of letting go and teaching them responsibility. Barbara Coloroso has written a series of books that are very common sense approaches to parenting. Well worth reading (if you can ever find the time!!! some titles are "Parenting through Crisis", The Bully the Bullied and the Bystander", Kids are Worth it!" and "Just because it's not Wrong Doesn't Make it Right" She talks a lot about "natural consequences" You don't punish the child, you force them into natural consequences. For example, the laundry. I had a similar problem when my sons were 12 and 13. I would wash they clothes and put fold them into a wash basket. They were to put them away and give me the dirty wash at the end of the week. I kept seeing the same clothes in the wash and when I saw the same shorts 2 weeks in a row in the middle of winter, I lost it. I told them how hard I worked to both work and keep things clean and told them that, as far as I could tell, they were just wearing clothes out of the basket and making me wash clean clothes along with the dirty ones they put back into the basket and that because of that I would NEVER wash their clothes again. I showed them how to wash their clothes and I never again touched any of their clothes until the oldest was 32 and I was visiting and I threw a few of his clothes in with mine and put them away when they were dry. Natural consequences. Extreme? I don't think so. they were old enough to learn to take responsibility for their own clothes and if they didn't do it they wouldn't have clean clothes to wear. And later, their late teens, when I could afford a housekeeper twice a month, they wouldn't LET her wash their clothes.

Feeling so alone.

your boyfriend is a cad. He is seeing someone else and you still call him your boyfriend? Why? That is emotional abuse. Find a new boyfriend. He isn't worth it. you are not being obsessive. you are not keeping him from a girl who is just a friend. She is crazy about him and he is so immature that he is enjoying stringing her along and stringing you along as well. He doesn't love you, nor does he love her. He is not ready for love. As for your friend, there are very few friends who have the strength to support a depressive. It is very difficult to deal with people like us who are "down" all the time. She can still be a friend. she can help you to not be "down" if you talk about and do happy things with her.

Bittersweet

Good to see you back on line. I got back from visiting the grand-monsters. It went well. A thought experiment success. The other grandparents respected my request for alone time with the girls and stayed away and I had a lot of fun. I should have told them how I felt long ago. On Tuesday my DIL came home from work early and was strange and distant. I caught myself thinking it was somehow my fault. But I decided that was mind reading so I just sat back and let her be. Later my daughter told me of a serious problems that DIL had at work. I have a tendency to think that I should fix everything and everything is my responsibility. I think I am learning to challenge that. It is mostly the effexor that is making it OK, but with help I think I can make it be ME too, not just the drugs. Anyhow, glad to see you posting again. You are the support system for a lot of us. Get caught up on the posts and welcome home.

Why does my taking medicine bother my spouse?

I think that admitting that you have to take meds to be sane is admitting mental illness. And there still is a stigma. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well yes actually I am. I need to take medicine to keep me from killing myself. So if you take meds she is married to a crazy man. And she has to admit you have a problem.

emotional turmoil affronted

to not run away is the greatest bravery. I am proud of you.

Feeling so alone.

Never, Never, NEVER, regret posting. That it what we are here for. A shoulder that understands. A shoulder that will not worry excessively about you/ A stranger to dump your problems on who will accept them and move on and let you move on.

the ones that keep coming back...

Hormone levels definitely affect mood. Sometimes it is hard to separate the various causes of the black times. But normal "down" due to hormones alone is much less than the black dog of depression so I think it is just a contributing factor.

What to do?

So he is depressed because you are depressed and not working and have back problems!!! So is he trying to say his depression is all your fault? And you have to just stop being depressed and take care of him? His Doctor doesn't think he needs meds, so the doctor must not think he is all that badly depressed. Yeah, I am sure it is stressful for him. We depressives are not easy to live with. But sorry Gabs, you have a right to be selfish. You were drowning and have just barely managed to grab onto a flotation device. He will drown you if you try to help him at your expense. If he is depressed, he needs to seek help and if jointly seeking help works, that is great. But you are not ready to be his support system. You can't throw that life preserver until you are on solid ground yourself. He needs to seek help and help himself, like all of us here are trying to do. Harsh? Perhaps. But you need to protect yourself first.

I'm Back. Should I take Effexor?

wow. I thought I was the only only one who dreaded making and taking phone calls. And I thought it was because of the call that told me my brother had killed himself. At least it started then and my heart would race every time the phone rang. I am better at it now (37 years later) I can answer the phone without fear. But I find it hard to even call my children and friends. Is this common among depressives??