You know, that is a really good theory... a combination of appropriate drug therapy with some form of psycho therapy, geared to the needs of the patient.
But how do you get it? I went to my doctor with a severe case of suicidal depression. She was not in but her colleague talked to me. I told him that the meds alone were not working and I felt I needed more help. He talked to me a bit, then upped the dose of my meds, which he said were a low level. And said it might help if I talked to someone.
Six months later, I got up the energy to try again. Only this time I came armed with information on a local mood disorder clinic and a partially filled in referral form. When I made the appointment I was relatively OK, but by the time it came up I was suicidal. My Dr. agreed to refer me. That was over two months ago. When I inquired, I was told that it will be "several months" before I will get a letter from the clinic informing me that I can call to make an appointment.
What's the point in trying?
There is noting harder for a mother than a kid in trouble. You relate so strongly to them that when they mess up you feel responsible. Don't I know it. It took until he was 21 before I could convince myself not to feel guilty every time my #2 son got himself in a mess. I blamed myself for everything. Sometimes his dad would bail him out without telling me so I wouldn't get upset.
Now at 39 he tells us that his father is responsible for everything that is wrong with him and his life. So, if you don't tell him now that he is responsible for his own life, you will regret it.
My son has everything in the world. He is rich and successful and has a beautiful wife and two lovely daughters. But he is constantly angry and full of hate.
Help your son now while you have a chance. Good luck. Keep posting.
A chat group for depressives is a strange thing. Although we understand, at any given time, a lot of us are too depressed to respond.
Letting go of your children is one of the hardest things we have to do as parents. A divorce and a move and a new relationship are serious stressors for everyone. And just BEING a teenager is stressful.
At 19 in this day and age, he is not an adult, but he is certainly not a child. Can you help him? I don't know. You have to try of course but at some point you have to admit that you can't fix everything.
Perhaps he could move back with his father.
family problems are the absolute hardest. Especially kid problems. A 16 year old's brain is not fully developed, particulalry in the area of foresight and caution. It would be a pity to see him in an adult prison. You do what you can. I can understand how furious you would be with the person who pretended to help.
So what can you do? Well, start the painful and difficult process of separating your responsibilities from your son's self responsibility. Don't let him blame the pedophile or his father for his problems. Encourage him to take responsibility for himself and his future. Can the need for medical intervention (suicidal, depression) be brought up as a mitigating factor in NZ courts? Can he be committed to an institution where he will get help?
As a mother I feel for you. Knowing how to help teenagers grow up and become responsible is the most difficult thing you will ever do. Good luck. Take care of yourself.
You are on a bucking bronco of emotion. You can just hang on and feel out of control. You can fall off into depression or you can try to ride him. Try to channel the energy. I don't know how you do that. Between kids and a job where do you find time for a new challenge? Does the local university have lecture series that are available to the public? Enrolling in a course is probably too much of a long term comittment.
By the way. I need to change my avator. I am in a good spot right now. My #2 sone has said he wants my husband and & out of his life and that my hubby is responsible for everything that is wrong with his life (son is 39!... grow up). And the funny thing is it is a relief!
I talk to myself and I say nice things. It sounds kind of silly but it helps. I say things like that's OK, Pat. You can do it. You don't have to be perfect. They problably didn't mean to hurt you. Things that I would say to comfort my kids or a friend when they are down.
Noone else is going to take care of you. Depressives are hard to deal with. So you have to take care of yourself.
I understand EXACTLY where you are. I don't have the decision making, perfectionist problem. I am just a depressive, always have been. But my sister is exactly like you. She wants to find a solution to problems and she comes to me with the problems, but she won't take action and is angry with me when I do (finding appropriate care for our foster sister who is mentally challenged, finding a home for our mother who can no longer take care of herself). For our foster sister, we found a nice placement for her in the community where my other lived. And my sister and brother were instrumental in helping make this happen. But when we moved her all of a sudden it wasn't good enough.
The same has happened with my mother. She needed care. My sister was doing the majority of the caregiving but both she and her husband were not well (she has cancer; he had an anyerism, now repaired). In this case she took action and called in CCAC and they provided a red cross homemaker for an hour each day and put her on a nursing home list. I also put her on a retirement home list and we jointly put her on lists for other retirement homes. I told her what a good job she had done and now mom was being taken care of, but to my sister it was not good enough. She needed that perfect solution.
When her stress levels aren't too high, she can handle less than perfection. But now she has another cancer site. So when Mom's name came up for the retirement home, at first she was happy, althougth she insisted mom really needs a nursing home. But when it came time to move she didn't want to move mom because her name was 6th on the nursing home list and we might have to move her twice. I pushed the move, harshly and forcefully.. Mother is happy but my sister is not speaking to me.
SO, why do you need that perfection? I think it has a lot to do with brain chemistry, although CBT can probably also help. The reason I point to Brain chemistry is this:
I have 2 natural siblings. My brother committed suicide at 17. My sister, as I explained has this need for perfection, has extreme social anxiety. I have MDD and have been suicidal at various times in my life.
My sister and I have exactly the same, I presume rare, reaction to demerol. We become paranoid and psychotic.
Under stress, symptoms for both of us worsen.
I have been taking effexor for 1 year and 6 months. Went on it 2 years ago. Found results amazing (I felt NORMAL) Went off it after a year and within 6 months, I was suicidal. Back on, and it slowly seems to be working again.
You are under tremendous stress. Children problems are the hardest. You need help. The problem won't go away until you daughter takes charge of her own life. But see a doctor. Get a referral to a mood disorder clinic, use this program. You cannot help your daughter until you help yourself.
It’s been a while since you were active on this site. Please extend your session below
You have been logged out due to inactivity.
Please sign back in.
We use cookies to help us learn about how our platform is used and how we can improve your experience. To
learn more please see our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
