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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Difficult challenge

I have a choice as to how I handle any situation presented to me. Unfortunately, this one is unexpected and I'm not sure how to proceed giving my current feelings. I am a people pleaser and don't have a tendency to get angry often, but I am feeling anger right now as well as resentment.

My spouse called to inform me he bought a newer car out of state and that tomorrow we are going to go pick it up and I am driving the older car home. I reminded him of my Dr appointment tomorrow.

1.I have been dealing with the fear of driving for years. I have done exposure work and have drove on several occasions now, but very short drives and not on the highway/freeway for an extended period so I am feeling anxiety towards this.

2. I have a Dr appointment that will either have to be rescheduled or I will be late for.

My choices,

1. Tell him no, I am not going with him to pick up the car. I had previous plans (health) which he was well aware of.

2. Reschedule my Dr appointment and feel resentful but accept that this will be good exposure therapy. (I'm trying to see the positive side of this unexpected issue.)

I don't expect anyone to give me advice on how to handle this. I just needed to vent. Excuse me while I go scream...

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Difficult challenge

Hi Ashley,

I was angry because he took it upon himself to purchase a vehicle without me. The original plan was that we would go on Monday September 29th together and agree upon a vehicle. I was also angry because he bought it in another state, without thinking that I would not feel comfortable driving the older one home, when he had previously said I would be driving newer one. It was our original agreement that I would be driving the newer one since the older one needs repairs and I would feel safer in it. He also knew I had a Drs appointment the following day and it bothered me that he would want/expect me to miss it.

I used assertiveness to handle the issue and told him I would go to pick up car after my Dr appointment because I was not willing to reschedule my Dr appointment.

My fear level was 9-10 and I agree it did more harm then good. I wasn't able to drive earlier today. I kept having what if thoughts about the older car breaking down or stalling at a stop light and concerning myself with heavy traffic.

I'll be sure to post if I get to drive the newer one and what my fear level is.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Getting by.

I'm sorry to hear this as well. You have been so helpful and such a support to me since I joined in June. But I'm so glad that you and Red are both doing good without panic. I want to make it that far. It's my goal to get there.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Difficult challenge

Ashley,

Thank you. I was proud of myself for being assertive.

I was not so proud of myself while driving with that level of fear. I did not feel strong during that. I felt like a coward. A crying coward while I drove. It has led to nightmares about driving which has caused me to wake up having panic attacks again within the past few days. I feel resentful towards my spouse, it feels as if he set me up for failure. It might not be fair to blame him, but it's how I feel at the moment.

I know I need to get back in the drivers seat, but I'm terrified after the nightmares I've had. I think its back to step one for me for my fear of driving. Tomorrow I will go sit in the car and start it. Baby steps again. But I will conquer this once again.

Thanks for seeing the strength in me I can't see.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Difficult challenge

I drove today. Not the newer car, not the older car, but my brothers car. I drove in traffic. Five minutes away. and 5 minutes back. I had a person with me just in case. Baby steps again. Thankfully there was a train, made turning left across traffic easier for me. I rewarded myself with cheese filled pretzel bites.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Difficult challenge

Ashley,

Thank you again.

What keeps me going is I remember I used to enjoy driving. I used to drive everywhere before the accidents. The freedom I had and gave up when the fear took over. I want that back. More than having that back I don't ever want to experience a panic attack again. I've been working hard for this since the day I joined this site.

I have an appointment with a therapist on Friday. I plan to talk to the therapist about "my husband" and the issues I have with him. He refuses marital counseling. If I'm honest, I don't see our relationship lasting much longer, I actually think it ended a couple of years ago, he checked out, but I kept trying to make it work. We live together, but for the most part have separate lives. I've realized that finally with recent events. That is one of the reasons I have referred to him as a spouse and not a husband. I'm okay with all of this.

Reading what you've said about resentment and how it can be poison and cause me harm means I have to let go of that. I've worked to hard in this program to have a set back from that. I have a full plate already per say. I can let go of it, smile and move forward.

I also drove again today. Same trip, same route. No train though at my left turn and I was alone. I am proud of myself. I will continue to drive everyday at different times of the day until this gets boring and then change my route or drive further under a level 7 fear. I will never put myself in the 9-10 range ever again for any reason. My mental health means more to me than that and I think it took that for me to realize it. No reward today aside from the pride I felt, but those cheesy pretzel bites were really good and I think I deserve more of them.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

New to this

Hi Tracy,

Welcome. have you tried clenching your fist really tight and holding for 5 seconds then releasing quickly? Then your shoulders for 5 seconds and quick release.

It works for me sometimes when I'm in the grocery store and I start feeling anxiety/panic coming on.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Memory

Cara,

I don't know which post it is on, but I had a problem with anxious thoughts for several days and it was overwhelming. Davit talked about the Genies. I could picture the bad genie but not the good genie. Anyhow, I got fed up with those thoughts intruding on my life and basically sent them to the corner of my mind hypothetically speaking. Like bad children to the corner they went. Those thoughts are still in the corner. Every now and then one tries to get out, and I find a replacement thought for it or send it back to the corner of my mind. I also use stop the thought and redirect myself to something positive. Hope this helps

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Memory

Cara,

I logged into site and responded to you, then went to my email and this is from Davit, He is unable to log into site and asked me to respond. This is what he wrote:

Burying negative thought is just challenging them and replacing them with something positive. But it has to be done repetitively so it is harder to get to the negative.

it is all about memory. It is about having so many positives in memory that the negatives are buried.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Looking back and moving forward

I did some research on new medications I was prescribed today. After reading the horror stories on one of those medications I was feeling anxiety about taking my anxiety medication. I logged in here and took a look at the "questions to experts" and then looked back at my previous posts since I joined this site in mid June of this year. I'm not feeling that anxiety now. I need to take the medication and see if it helps, if it doesn't then, onward to something different. It's just temporary. Thanks to this site and the people on it I'm actually doing really well. I couldn't be this well without this CBT and the support I have received on here. This is success. I felt like I took a step back today with the medications. That's not so. I took a step forward and needed a reminder of that by reading my previous posts and responses.

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