Cornish-Dee
All I can say is Wow... You have been through a lot of things.. Many more than myself.. and you should be proud of yourself as you are here..putting yourself out there and trying to work through it (on top of all the other stuff).. It's very inspiring.
All of the things you have mentioned are HUGE stressors.. and to have them happen one after another would be too much for anyone.. let alone someone with a predisposition to anxiety.
I too believe my anxiety has always been there.. Typical Type A personality I am.. a control freak and all.. The desire or need to be "perfect" overwhelming at times.. I still haven't figured out how to "let go" yet.. lol.. Although my hubby keeps encouraging me... I like my life orderly though.. just like my house etc. My kids have taught me a lot as their joy for each moment lived is often contagious. They know what's going on... :) They have the secret... giggles and hugs and all. Those moments often give me the inner strength to pick myself up and fight this thing even more... You have 5 so along with the "stress" I'm sure there is a lot of joy... try to focus on that "in the moment"...
I just bought a workbook that seems to have a lot of great information in it. Very similiear to this Free program but I like being able to flip through it at night or read it on a whim without being at the computer
... "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Edmund J. Bourne...
Just an idea... Be sure to keep talking to your doctor..
And I'm sorry for the losses in your life... give yourself time to process it.. it's a lot...
Talk soon...
and sorry if I rambled.. I tend to do that..lol...
Hi Maggie
I too have a terrible time leading up to my period.. I already take a very low dose of paxil which keeps my anxiety "grounded" for the most part and my doctor just suggested upping it a bit during those 2 weeks too... I'm just giving it a shot now so we'll see. Since beginning to wean my son I'm no longer "balanced".. lol.. Although medication is not my first choice... sometimes it's the "hand" you need to be able to focus on all the other work. I'm currently revamping my diet, excercise etc. and doing all my old cognitive excercises to find my new balance after this baby.
I've beat this before and seen the light so I too know it's out there and achievable. It just takes time and patience and a little bit of faith :)
I appreciated your insight and kind words
Thanks Maggie!
Hi Amy68...
I too tried the holistic natural approach first in dealing with my panic and anxiety ..for years actually.. but I found it wasn't "quite" enough after my babies. I don't know about your doctor but mine is very informed about alternative methods include vitamin supplementation etc for anxiety.
She worked out a program for me that way first.. and because it's under medical supervision you won't be taking things that counter eachother or have negative adverse effects..which even naturapathic remedies can. Stuff I didn't know..
Even a great naturopathic pysician. I don't know if you're in the States or Canada.. but in Canada a lot of it is covered..
I personally haven't tried Holy Basil... but if you do I would love an update. I'll definately be asking my doc about that one.
Good luck and would love to know what you find out :)
Miki..
That must have been a tough day. Reading your list though... I've had them all... and I'm still here.. getting through it all and so are you. I know it's tough and if you feel like chatting... I would love to.
It's great to have the chance to talk to people who understand...
May tomorrow be a brighter day
Hi JenL10
You're definately not alone and it's a great place to post for advice. I'm relatively new to the site also and have found a lot of reassuring / positive examples, stories etc. They really helped me through my "relapse".. I seem to be on the UP again so I'll keep my fingers crossed... There definately is light at the end of the tunnel for all of us...
Talk soon :)
Hi Dolphin4me..
You are definately NOT losing it nor are you alone. I can relate very closely to what you are describing. I am years into my disorder though and had been panic free for a long time.. and then after the birth of my last baby I've relapsed.. It was a slow decline though and I think I was in denial and didn't want to change my dose as I was so close to being off of it.. ugh!! but hey.. you need to do what is good for you and forget all the stigma attached. For me the paxil just takes the edge off (slows my mind down) and allows me to do all the other work / self talk / diet changes etc. that are needed to beat this thing :).
I have a really hard time with the meds (actually any type of drug, supplement etc) as I too read all the "what ifs", side effects etc. So taking your pills is your first "triumph" if it's usually a problem... ha ha.. I can remember mine sat on the counter for over a month before I would swallow one.. My hubby had to stay close to ensure I didn't have a terrible reaction.. those were the days.. lol..
The journey although it can seem hard, it DEFINATELY gets better. This program has so many great components. I personally have been utilizing the forums and am working on a "workbook" at home which is very similiar.. I just find it a bit easier for me that way.
I too had used my husband as a "safe person"..and that will get better too.. I LOVE my alone time now.. and you will again too. Take the baby steps and before you know it.. it will be a giant one..
Good luck :)
Hi JenL10..
I went through the schizophrenia phase about 10 years ago.. LOL I actually glued the pages of our medical reference book together so that if I needed to look something up I wouldn't see those words.. Seems ridiculous to me now but it helped then...
Something reassuring though that I read recently is:
"People do NOT "go crazy" in a sudden or spontaneous way. Mental disorders involving behaviours that are labeled "crazy" (such as schizophrenia or psychosis) develop VERY gradually over a period of years and do not arise from panic attacks. NO ONE has EVER started to hallucinate or hear voices during a panic attack. In short, a panic attack cannot result in your "going crazy" no matter how disturbing or unpleasant your symptoms feel".
Now if your like me I like to understand the physiology behind it too.. so...
Reduced blood flow to your brain (called arterial constriction) that happens due to shallow breathing during a panic attack can give you feelings of disorientation and a feeling of unreality. It has nothing to do with going crazy no matter how eerie it feels.
Hopefully these facts help you out a bit. They do me definately. Knowledge is power..and a very helpful tool during the rough times. Remember though it does get better and you play the largest role in your "recovery"... if that's the right word.
Take care!! and keep posting. We've all been there in one way or another.
Hi ...
I am a former smoker.. Quit 3 years ago (thankfully). Smoking was a definate coping mechanism for me when my anxiety or stress was bad so I can relate with that... You will quit when you're ready and everything is done in baby steps so good luck.
On the other issue, I've spoken to my doctor about smoking and although smoking is a stimulant and can induce anxiety like symptoms at the time they are NOT a cause of long term anxiety and or disorder once you've quit.
Unlike drugs (ecstacy etc.) than can contribute to causes of GAD or panic disorder smoking has only longterm physical health ramifications...and I don't need to tell anyone these.. We all know..lol..
We all do what we have to do to cope..and changes take time and perserverance..much like this battle of anxiety.. We can do it..just one step at a time.
Good luck!
Hi Miki
I'm in the same boat as you. Although I was a typical "Type A" child..lol.. and did have a bit of anxiety, I experienced my first panic attack after experimenting with "E"..my one and only time...
Although it seems as though the price is high for that choice the panic attacks may have come about anyways, just with another "trigger".. It's something you or I will never know. :) This experience along with many others will only make you stronger. I was 19 when that happened and I am 34 now. I'm a mother of 2 wonderful kids and married to the most amazing man. I've had years that are panic free and then I have setbacks.. and although discouraging and scary, each time I do learn something and come away a bit stronger.
Try to focus on going forward and not get to hung up on the choices in the past.. We're human and because of that we make errors in judement at times but for whatever reason.. it was meant to be.. That's what I believe.. even when it feels unfair and ****ty I try to focus on the "bigger picture"..and think "what am I supposed to learn from this?".. No matter how bad we feel.. there is always someone who has it a bit worse, unfortunately.
It gets easier Miki... oh and I will say.. sometimes a smoke would be nice.. lol.. just like the "good old days"... :)
Miki...
It's me again... And boy do we ever have things in common.. First how it all begins and then this.. the "Death Factor".. It terrifies me too. Not all the time but I go through phases when I just realize my life will "end"... and I will cease to exist..etc.etc...
I don't know if you have "faith" or believe in anything but for me that has helped a lot. I tried a lot of different things and am currently working on something that I feel fits my life. For some it's religion others sprituality. I think it's a big part of why the fear was so terrifying for me. I didn't have anything to give me "peace"... I'm still not there completely but it's a journey that I think is worth taking.
I've had nights when I'm just overwhelmed by the thought of dying and it is very scary. You're not alone though.. Even people who don't have anxiety "fear the unknown"..How can we not?? We only know our lives here... But thanks to our disorder our thought process tends to go a bit haywire.
For me personally it's the fear of NOT knowing what will happen..Having no control over it.. I mean my husband always says if it does just end.. we will never know ..and that's true. If there is something greater than us then that will be something else... We won't know though.. and somehow we have to come to accept that.
You're NOT CRAZY though.. The loves are of your life are here with you now.. Enjoy them...
If the thoughts persist though you should see your doctor... Sometimes the disorder comes with "obsessions".. thoughts we can't control.. or maybe you're just ruminating.. both are unpleasant but perfectly NORMAL....
Anytime you want to talk Miki.. I'll lend an ear.
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