baby steps
Hi,
I'm just starting my journey towards quitting, and I'm hoping that I'm coming to the right place. I am a real weakling at this, and my personal methods aren't exactly in line with what I've read I "should" be doing. However, I know how my own twisted and addicted mind works, so I'm taking steps that make sense to me. I'm hoping that I'll find acceptance and support here.
My story is that I've smoked for about 25 years. I've had few serious attempts at quitting. In the past few months, I've started rolling the idea over seriously in my head. I'm tired of the health concerns. The high blood pressure, the occasional need for the inhaler, the longer time it takes to heal from colds and flu, the knowledge that I am hurting my heart and lungs, the worrying about reducing my life expectancy and/or quality of life as I get older. I've also gone through some life changes in the past couple of years. They have been positive, but have caused me to re-evaluate some of my habits and behaviors. I'm currently single (as a result of one of those life changes), and it occured to me that I would have a wider selection of dating partners if I were to be smoke-free. I'd also be a lot nicer smelling to anyone who chose to date me. So, those are my main motivations for quitting. Money is a side benefit.
I started a little over a month ago with a very incremental plan. Since my behaviors are just as ingrained as the physical addiction, I thought I'd be better off starting with the behaviors only. I'm using the nicotine lozenges, since I want the oral stimulation, but I hate gum. I have been doing this in baby, baby steps. My first step was to replace my morning cig and cigs on the way to work with a lozenge. I did that for about 2 weeks before I got used to it. Then I replaced the lunch cigarette with a lozenge. I discovered pretty quickly that the lozenge needs to happen before lunch, or I've pushed things too far, and I'll just want a "hit" of smoke by lunch. After another 2 weeks, I traded my afternoon break cig for another lozenge. So, I've basically eliminated smoking until I'm done with work each day. (Weekends are another story. :P ) Next step will be to eliminate the smoking in the car on the way home. At that point, I hope to get my car detailed and have the vents blown, so it will smell good enough for me to not want to stink it up again.
I think my big hurdle will be the at-home cigarettes, as this is something I do to counteract boredom, etc. at home. I'm not quite ready to take that step yet, but it should be coming in about 3 more weeks. I'm also having a hard time with the concept of letting it go altogether. That is why I am here.
One of the underlying emotional-behavioral issues with me has to do with the rebellion that smoking represents. I've been a little scared to reach out for support until now; I'm afraid that someone will tell me what to do or how I should do it, and that will set of the "smoking to rebel" impulse. At this point, I function better with "you go, girl!" than with criticism or advice. (The fact that I can accept a "you go, girl!" without feeling defiant is a step in and of itself for me.) If I'm in the wrong place for that approach, please let me know, so I can seek another forum.
