How the time just flies...

Well, I've moved to a new apartment, in a new city. I decided I wasn't going to smoke in my new apartment at all, so for the last week or so, I've only smoked out on the porch. I know it's an important first step toward quitting. :-)

The Freedom Stage

I'm not ready to quit. I know that. I also know that the time I actually did quit for two weeks was very difficult, and that on the 15th day, I woke up and felt a freedom I hadn't felt in a very long time, or possibly ever, and that the freedom I felt was so profound that it actually scared me half to death. Within hours, I was smoking again. I am not going to set myself up for failure again. Until I can understand why the freedom scared me so much, it doesn't even make sense to me to try and quit. I am asking if anyone here has ever experienced that before. I'm looking for insight into this particular stage of quitting.

The Freedom Stage

Maybe you just can't relate to this, Katy. Maybe the freedom you experienced was uplifting to you. For some of us, maybe that's the very reason why we smoke. We smoke to constrain ourselves. I've read many books that discussed smoking as a way of limiting one's creativity and expression. Maybe I find safety in a lack of freedom. It's like living in poverty consciousness - one chooses to view life as limiting, and experiences it as such. My consciousness is accustomed to living with a serious lack of freedom. Hey, maybe it's because I'm gay. I spent the first twenty years of my life hiding my true self from my friends and family. It was very hurtful and damaging to myself. From the time I was twelve until I was nineteen, I supressed my true nature. When I came out, I felt a weight lifted from my body like none I've ever experienced before. That was uplifting. When I quit smoking, I felt that same weight lifted, only this time it terrified me. Not everything is just "junkie talking." Many people smoke for psychological reasons, and if you don't work out those psychological reasons, then the mind could never let go of the junkie. It would just lead to other self-destructive behaviors.

The Freedom Stage

I think there could be some truth in what you say, Stoppin'. I've always found it difficult to maintain a healthy independence in my life. I live alone, and I have for many years, but I go through cycles where I'm productive, and when I'm not. And I'm constantly striving to create a structured balance to my life. It's almost like I lack the motivation to stick with one set of goals and follow through with them.

How the time just flies...

Hello, Everyone! I seem to come and go from this place, almost on schedule. My twenty-ninth birthday is coming up in two months. It's really hard to believe, but the last really serious attempt I made was on my twenty-sixth birthday. I managed to go almost two weeks, but the freedom started to scare me. I'll never forget that. I know I need to quit, but I don't feel it in my heart that I can. In fact, I smoke more now than I ever have. This website is an extremely valuable resource, and the people here are all wonderful human beings. I have to say, if it wasn't for this website I never would have made it as far as I did back then. I can't believe it's been three years! Anyway, I just wanted to say hello. I think I'll stick around for a while and see if I can get re-inspired from all the incredible feats I've witnessed people accomplish here. If ever there were a time for me to quit, I'd say that time is now. I think I'm just scared though, of letting myself down once again. For so many years, my thoughts were dominated by wanting to quit, but after the last time, something in my head must have changed, because that desire is gone. It's been replaced with servitude, I guess. Has anyone else experienced this in their life? I'd hate to believe I've given up all hope. I'm sure there's a reason I'm back though. -rswfire

Quitting in July

Hello, Everyone! It has been three or four years since my last serious quit attempt. At the time, I managed to quit for two weeks, which was a landmark for me. My experience was somewhat unique in that I started out on the patch, but after learning so much from this website, I decided I wanted the niccotine out of my system as quickly as possibly, so after the first three days, I took off the patch and went cold turkey. I did really great up until the point I woke up one morning and let my guard down, realizing I was actually *doing it* and then being consumed by an overwhelming feeling of pride and fear! So yeah, three or four years later, and I'm back, ready to try again. Since I'm not the type to do things the easy way (not that I believe there is any way to quit smoking easily!), I have come up with a wholly new game plan that I would like to share with you, and I'm hoping some of you can give me some advice on how to proceed, because I'm not entirely sure how I will react to my plan when I actually set it in motion. I'm thirty years old now. I realize that if I don't quit and make it stick, that I'll likely be smoking for the rest of my life. I'd really like to be able to put smoking behind me. In July, I am going on a three-hundred mile camping/hiking trip through the Daniel Boone National Forest of Kentucky. There is really nothing in this world that brings me more joy than to be out in nature, and I love hiking. I hike an average of four to six days almost every day, sometimes more when I am exploring new areas. Three hundred miles will be a new feat for me however and I expect the journey to take two to three weeks, hiking an average of twenty miles per day. I have two schools of thought on how I might quit smoking during this time. The first is to simply go on my journey without any cigarettes and to just deal with the consequences of such a decision. I believe it helps to remove myself from temptation. However, I believe there is a valid downside to this approach. Past experience has shown me that when I quit smoking, I become very tired, and all I really want to do is sleep and forget about the world for awhile! Obviously, if I did this, I'd never get off the ground. My second thought is to go ahead and smoke on my trip, but to gradually cut back over the course of the three weeks I am camping. I imagine that the longer I hike, the less I will want to smoke, due to the strenuous activity. I've always used patches in the past. It's the only product I've ever used. I know from experience it makes me tired and wired, a strange combination. And going cold turkey just makes me tired. What do you think? I'm not blind to the fact that although going on this hike and quitting smoking during that time would be a great challenge and very likely a successful one, but that I will then have to return to my habitual home without smoking. It is then I believe I would need the most support. I'm hoping that past experience has helped me to realize that I cannot let my guard down lest I wish to start smoking yet once again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! -rswfire [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]4/3/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 801 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 20,025 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $4,005.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 93 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 50

Quitting in July

Hello Everyone, Thanks for the responses. To be honest, I agree most with Alohakeia. For me, I don't see any benefit in waiting. I don't see the logic in it either. Why postpone the inevitable? I think I'll still enjoy myself even if I'm not smoking. A person doesn't choose to hike three hundred miles unless they enjoy a good challenge. And that's pretty much how I feel about smoking; quitting is a challenge, probably the most difficult one I'll ever truly face. I've smoked for fifteen years. I don't want to wait. I guess the only real reason I posted my message was to hear some words of encouragement, but I guess that is just me seeking validation from the outside world when I really need to be seeking that from within. I already know what to expect from quitting. I've done it before. I know how my body reacts to a sudden lack of niccotine. And I also know that it's not going to kill me. I think maybe you might change your mind if you understood my life situation better. I'm self-employed. I work from my laptop. I make my own hours. I travel a lot. I hike a lot. I explore everything. And even when I'm out on my three-hundred mile hike, there are many areas where I'll have wireless broadband access from my laptop as long as a Sprint tower is nearby. And some of the trails go through small towns and other areas. I could pull out at any time if I truly needed to. But I won't. I'm going to hike the Sheltowee Trace Trail and I'm going to do it smoke-free! -rswfire [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] -17 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] -425 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $-85.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] -167252

Quitting in July

Thank you for the messages. The last time I quit smoking it wasn't planned at all. I'm not even sure how it happened. I know I had been thinking about it a lot before I quit, but I had never set a date or any goals for myself. Then on my birthday, all of a sudden, I just stopped. This website was invaluable at the time. I read so many entries from people and I learned a lot about the process of quitting, and how no matter what excuses we have made for ourselves, someone on this website has proven us wrong. A good example is that I never believed you could quit smoking while others in your household smoked, but many people proved that was a complete fallacy. So I began my journey, and I discovered that quitting really isn't that difficult. You have some tough moments for sure, waves of extreme overwhelming energy rushing through your body, but they pass almost as quickly as they come. And with each day that passed, I was astounded by the amount of time that had passed. I think what hung me up was looking at the larger picture. I was adding up the hours I had quit and I never felt it was good enough. I wanted it to be longer. I wanted it to be a month, a year. And then one morning I woke up and I realized that I had really accomplished something I never thought was possible. I had stopped smoking cigarettes for a full two weeks. And then I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of freedom that scared the hell out of me. All of a sudden, I was an ex-smoker. What did that mean? Could I handle it? These were my subconscious thoughts at the time. They were buried feelings that were just being brought to the surface. At the time, these thoughts did not even register in my conscious mind. It was only something I realized after years of contemplation. Admittedly, not much contemplation. I spent years wanting to quit smoking, so much so that I would write about it in my journals almost on a daily basis, volumes of them. And after I "failed" to quit, I lost all motivation to quit. The thoughts of quitting completely left me. And they are only now starting to resurface again. I honestly don't know if I am ready or not. I can't picture my life after smoking. I just know that the only way I will ever be able to get through the hardest parts of quitting is through very dramatic means. And for me, that means taking a long hike, exploring one of my favorite places, a place I've only seen a fraction of in the two years I've lived in this state. I am very excited about my trip, and terrified. I feel the same way about quitting. I've had to deal with a lot of setbacks this month and I may not be able to go on my trip as soon as I would like. It may be the middle of July before I can take the three weeks away from work. But I will get there, and in the meantime, I will carefully plan out my upcoming experience, and I will consider my options for quitting. I do think that maybe, just maybe, quitting beforehand might be a good idea. I know I can go two weeks. And maybe the day that feeling of terrifying freedom hits me again, that will be the day I need to hop in my Jeep and begin my hike, without stopping anywhere to pick up smokes on the way, lol. Again, thank you. Somehow or another, I'll make this work. The hardest part for me, and probably many others, is taking that first step. I have to push past a great deal of resistance in order to have that empowering "I can do this!" feeling. -rswfire [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] -16 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] -400 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $-80.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] -151715

Quitting in July

Hi, Rusty! I remember you too. :-) This guy quit smoking while hiking the Appalachian Trail His trail name is zero because he takes a lot of "zero days" -- meaning he camps out and doesn't hike at all, so his progress is slow, and his journal is pretty boring. But... He quit smoking when he started the trip, and this was back in January, and it's now June, and he has hiked a total of 1100 miles since his last entry. Six months to hike only 1100 miles...he's moving slow, lol. I'll be hiking 300 miles in two weeks, although I may be gone longer than that if I make a lot of detours and hike further to check out other areas of each of the ranger districts I'll be in. I'm really not concerned at all about the hiking. I'd rather be miserable on my hike than miserable at home. And no, I won't be using any NRT's. I'll be quitting CT. There is a definite advantage to this. It will be the hottest month of the year here. We've had 80-90 degree days all week already, and although it sounds gross, strenuous hiking means I'll be sweating a lot, and sweat is the body's natural way of eliminating toxins from the body. I view my trip as a spritiual cleansing process, almost a mystic journey of self-discovery, self-sacrifice, and oneness with my surroundings. I just cannot go wrong this way. I'm really looking forward to doing this! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] -15 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] -375 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $-75.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] -142721

Quitting in July

Hi, Aloha. I will be keeping a daily log of my trip, and as you can see from my blog, I take hundreds of pictures of the places I visit. :-) I may make a completely new website before I go. I have some ideas on how to make a better resource for my adventures; hopefully I will have time to do so before I go. -rswfire [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] -15 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] -375 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $-75.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] -141898