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10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

My Introduction

Hi Matty,

I'm glad you're going to see your doctor. Your meds will take time for you to see any major changes but I'm glad that you have noticed a difference. Your doctor may have to adjust your dosage as time goes on which is quite common and may even change it all together if you aren't getting the result you need. Please be careful about diagnosing yourself. Your depression and anxiety can lead you to do this. Work with your doctor/s and I know you will get to the place you need to get to. Do your homework, even when it seems overwhelming, which I can relate to very much as most everything these days overwhelms me. It will really help you with how you think and why you may be thinking it. It will help you realize that the negative thinking can be changed. Don't rush through the sessions if you aren't ready to move on. I've spent 2 weeks on each of the last two sessions myself. Give those beautiful babies bigs hugs and keep on this journey you've begun so you can be the best dad to them you can be a the best you that you can be.

Thinking of you and wishing you well,

Rosiesmom

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Technical Difficulties

Hi Everyone,

It's been a while since coming on and with the site being down it indeed made one feel adrift. I didn't think to write down daily my thoughts and times of least and most depressed so I have some blanks in my record.

I've been feeling quite down as of late but I'm dealing with a migraine which is making even this difficult to do. I just feel like Miss doom and gloom. Also my sick sister-in-law is now dealing with another infection which really saddens me. It's enough that she is dealing with this brain tumor already!

Anyways I'm glad we're back on line and will continue working the program.

Take care all!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Technical Difficulties

Hi Ashley,

I indeed ask myself that very question and try to remember that I am do what I can for her by letting her know I'm here if she needs me. One of my struggles over the years has been remembering that the pain and struggles of others isn't mine to deal with and that I must take care of myself first. It's gotten easier over time but I sometimes struggle separating others pain from my own especially when I'm having a really off day. I'm feeling better and aware that I can only do what I can and my life is mine to live. Knowing my sister-in-law, she would want me to live that life and just be a support to her and my brother when needed.

Thank you Linda for your words! Sometimes we just need to see what others have to say to help regain focus and move forward on our own journey.

The last couple of days have been pretty good. I'm working the program and am taking my time so as to ensure the best possible outcome, which is back to the place I was at just a few short months ago. I'm feeling some relief that I have the time to focus on this journey and am remembering to get out of the house, even if just for a walk around the block or some time out side with the dogs. Linda, I'm sorry that your pup has a sore leg. It is sad to see them in so much pain, but I know you are doing all you can. I wish Skylar all the the best.

Take care and bless all. This program is wonderful!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Session 1

Hi Freddy,

You haven't been on in a while and I just wanted to check and see how you are doing. I seem to have turned a corner and the last few days have been brighter despite the fact the weather isn't. I hope you are well and look forward to seeing you post again.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Session 1

Hi Freddy/Linda,

You're going to laugh, but, believe it or not, my name is also Linda!!!

The universe must have drawn us together to help each other. I know I've absolutely been grateful for your words when you do come on and post. I'm quite bad at it as well but though I don't always write down in my thought journal, I've really found a difference in how I feel by challenging my negative thoughts. Sometimes it takes a lot of "investigation", like today for instance, but it's a great process and tool to have found. I'm away from home for a couple of weeks, with my husbands blessing (he's been so wonderful), and I've been feeling guilty and selfish the past couple days, and having this tool to use has been a blessing. I spoke with my insurance caseworker this morning and while initially I felt good after talking to her, for whatever reason, I became quite anxious. But, again, this tool is helping alleviate some of these feeling. I've spent more then a couple weeks on Session 5 and have now started to move forward.

I'm really happy to hear that Skylar is feeling better! You are a good mom! And yes, it will be good for both of you to get out for walks once he is better. I challenge you to try do so whether Skylar goes with you or not. I've been really bad about getting out myself and am issuing myself that same challenge!

I hope your long weekend was peaceful and happy. Be well and take care. Warmest regards, Linda/Rosiesmom

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

My Introduction

Hi Ashley,

Your advice to Matt about mindfulness struck me as I read your words. Thanks for the reminder that we should be mindful of how we feel. I've been having success with challenging negative thoughts/cognitive distortions and after several weeks on session 5 feel confident enough to move forward. Thank-you.

Rosiesmom

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

My Introduction

Hi everyone,

I am so incredibly sad to announce that yesterday, in the late afternoon, my dear, sweet sister-in-law lost her battle to brain cancer. She faced her illness with a fierceness and strength that I will always admire. I am so incredibly sad and don't know if I should just allow myself the grieving or just try to not let it get to me. My brother doesn't want me to go to him as he would like some alone time to just breathe and process as the past year has been incredibly rough on him as all the care was done in their home right to the end. This is making it hard for me, though it's not about me, and I feel totally and completely useless and powerless right now. I'm trying to remember my CBT processes, but my head is so filled with pain and sorrow and anger that it is really hard to think right now. Please give me some words I can use. It's not about me but I'm just devastated. Thank you.

Rosiesmom

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

My Introduction

Thank you for your thoughts eleveno and Linda!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

My Introduction

Thank you Ashley. It's been one week and two days since my sister in law passed and I think I am doing okay. There are moments of deep sadness and as advised allow myself to let it happen. My biggest concern now is my brother and trying to be as supportive as he will allow me. I've had family members tell me to just get on the plane and go to him, but that isn't what he wants and I will absolutely respect his wishes. As neither of them are/were religious in any way, there was no funeral. She was cremated and my brother brought her home yesterday. The plan is to have a CELEBRATION of life in July and remember the life she had and joy she brought to others. I think that's a lovely plan and will just continue to be there in spirit and thought for my brother. Thanks for your support. It's nice to know that someone out there has taken a moment to think of my family during such a difficult time.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

My Introduction

Dear Linda,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm glad I was in some small way able to help you beat the "blues" and get out with Skylar. Some days are really just days you want to get through as quickly and painlessly as possible, though as my doctor tells me that's just avoidance. I'm a great avoider, but I know that sometimes you need to take that chance and just do it. I admit that Saturday was a really rough day for me and I simply watched tv and cried a lot . I saw my therapist on Sunday and with her help I was able to figure out what was partially the cause. My own mother passed away about a week after mothers day in 1989. Because I ended up being the one who took care of my father and making all the arrangements I don't believe I really and truly grieved her passing. With the death of my sister in law just 2 short weeks ago, a lot of grief has been sitting there and not being dealt with the way it needs to be and thus started bubbling up. I've not totally come to terms with the fact that I am also allowed to grieve both of these women and that the grief is not just my brothers, in the case of Sandi, but mine too. Oh the things our thoughts try to obscur and make abstract. In doing CBT, I hope I can break a vicious cycle of believing I am not "allowed" or " don't own". In having people such as yourself to "talk" with, I hope to gain a perspective and insight into all the years of self doubt and loathing. I can already see a change. Thank you to yourself and others who can shine a light into the dark and help others see. Bless you.

Rosiesmom

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