EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Members List
Member View
Posts created by wsbarker

Advanced Search Form

Members List
Moderation Team
Member View
Posts created by wsbarker

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 77

My name is Wendy. I'm here because I am an alcoholic and I am determined not to drink. It is destroying my life. I have been trying to stop for about 4 years now. I have tried AA, counselling, prayer, everything I can think of. They helped for a little while but I have always relapsed. Being an alcoholic has been my 'excuse' to drink, and since no one could fix me, I have carried on. I now realise that I have to fix me, I am the only one that can change by making the decision not to drink. I have a husband who is in a care home, 2 adult children living at home and 1 in America. I work full time as a senior manager in a print factory. I am currently on a warning at work due to excessive absences. I have turned up for work drunk at 9am. I narrowly escaped the breathyliser that day but was suspended pending an investigation. My drinking has caused poor health and weight gain. My family, friends and work colleagues are aware of my problem which makes me deeply ashamed. I have been selfish and behaved very badly in front of my children. My daughter who is 22 is developing a drinking problem because of me. I have let my husband down by not visiting him or keeping promises because I have been drunk. I pray that this support group will give me hope and inspriration thru hearing of others who have been successful in not drinking.

Thanks for listening (reading

)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 77

THIQ

Does this 'THIQ' theory fit in with the AA belief that alcoholics are 'allergic' to alcohol? I have never really understood this belief. Can anyone become 'allergic' meaning that potentially everyone on the planet could become an alcoholic ?

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 77

Withdrawal!

Hi I'm Wendy. I am 19 days without alcohol now and finding it much harder than early on. I've been a heavy drinker for about 7 years, basically drinking anything. It started with a few glasses of wine at night and a scotch before bed and escalated. I switched from Scotch to Brandy to Wine, back to Scotch, than to Vodka in an attempt to 'manage' my drinking. My last binge was a litre of vodka every day for a week until my body seriously rebelled. I've been thru withdrawal a few times, managed it on my own because my Dr. didn't deem it necessary for me to have help. I've had it all, vomiting, diarhhea, nausea, shakes, sweats, hallucinations, rapid heart beat - my blood pressure was in the 'you should be dead now' range. Despite the memory of how awful that felt, how miserable I have made my family, how I am in danger of loosing a good job, how determined I was on days one thru 7, if someone handed me a bottle right now I would happily down it. What is wrong with me !!! This is like some kind of madness.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 77

Hi

Thank you Dave. I have used the tools on the website, set goals, and most importantly printed off an 'Emergency Coping' plan. Reading the posts of other people who have been successful helps as well. I have gone to AA meetings regularly in the past but unfortunately, I felt they made me worse, if that is possible. I wasn't able to find anyone to sponsor me. At meetings, when people would share it was usually about how their lives changed in significant and positive ways when they gave up drinking. The thing that is most negative in my life at the moment is my husbands illness which sadly is going to progressively get worse and end in death. Not drinking isn't going to change that but I do recognize that it will make our end times together much better. I am not saying that AA is rubbish, I know it is a great help to many people. I read my Big Book and As Bill See's it regularly as well as many other books that I have found inspirational. I have not had alcohol in 19 days and I must admit, the last few days have been harder than the first few. I read a quote on someone's post which was Albert Einstein saying something like, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. That is so true for me because as bad as I know it is, it would be so easy to slip. Help me stay strong !

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 77

Dave - thank you for sharing a bit of your similiar situation. I am the same, it wasn't David's (my husband) illness that caused my drinking, it ended up being a really good excuse.

Foxman - Could you tell me more about how to find an online sponsor?

Toxicsoul - so many things I can relate to in your post. Thank you for the reminder that it isn't a drink, it definitely is a 'drunk' and I do NOT want to get back on that roller coaster.

Squashed - it's good to hear from another who is at about the same stage as me. Like you, I want 0's in my diary and I also keep reminding myself that every time I try to stop it gets harder and if this is the time I can't than I may die from what it is doing to my body, or sadness as it will definitely ruin every relationship in my life.

Thanks Everyone, keep talking to me, it is helping so much,

Wendy

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 77

trying again, i am 11 days sober( but so angry)

Hi, I'm Wendy, I am now 20 days alcohol free. The first week I was so angry with everyone and everything. It is definitely part of withdrawal and it does pass.

That said, I have always had a tendency to get easily angered so it wasn't just the drink, a bit of a personality flaw as well. Suprisingly, I am less of an angry person now than I was even before I became an alcoholic. Not drinking is the most positive thing I have ever done for myself. I feel myself changing and growing every day thru abstinence and seeking spiritual guidance. Keep going and you will find it is the best thing you can ever do for yourself too.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 77

New member!

Hi KC

I'm a 50 year old mother of 3 adult children, one of which has her own drinking problem caused by watching me turn to the bottle whenever I have a problem. Alcoholism is the worst thing in the world, I would not wish it on my worst enemy and yet I have contributed towards it for my own child. How low did I have to sink to have my daughter 'looking after me' after my binges, lying for me to my employer and friends and family. I have not yet made my amends to her, I am so ashamed. That is one of the major motivations for me to stay away from alcohol. It is not worth ruining her life for that brief 20 min. of buzz before I pass out into oblivion.

I have learned the hard way that my drinking is unmanageable. A wise person posted today, 'it's not one drink, it's a drunk' and that is so true. I constantly remind myself how good it feels to not drink and slowly but surely, those thoughts are edging out the lie my brain tells me about how much fun drinking is! Every withdrawal after every relapse has been harder and harder and trying to stop gets harder every time. My withdrawals nearly hospitalized me in December and I know they will next time, if I lived to withdraw! There is no way I am going to do that to my family or myself.

I'm sure you know about AA with meetings in the evening in most places but it didn't work for me but it may be right for you. I have been alcohol free for only 20 days and have found this site very helpful, using the tools and reading the posts of other like minded people. I have relapsed more times than I can count but the good news is when you keep trying, eventually you succeed.

Three things I have learned-

1. You are not alone.

2. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are here and that takes a lot of courage.

3. Never ever ever give up no matter how many times you slip, you will get there eventually.

God bless you

Wendy

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 77

Really difficult

Hi AJ, I really understand what you said about life being boring. I'm 21 days sober now and the boredom is probably the hardest thing for me at the moment. Coming on this website helps and I keep reminding myself how rough I feel after drinking.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 77

A New Start

Hi Andy wow, there are so many similar things that I've been thru. Lying to my family, my work colleagues, everybody. I've been signed off work several months over the last 2 years. Most recently all of December while I was drunk the first 2 weeks and withdrawing the last 2 weeks. Early on I drank because of stress/anxiety at work but eventually I realised it isn't work, my terminally ill husband, my kids or anything else. It is my inability to cope with reality. Drinking to black out was the only way I could figure out to escape. I'm 21 days sober at the moment but who knows. I've relapsed so many times. I guess the good news is if I keep trying eventually I will succeed. I wish you all the best. I don't know much about outpatient programs so I look forward to hearing what your experience is of that.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 77

Withdrawal!

Thank you Toxic, I am doing ok, 21 days now but a long way to go. How can I find Dave848 post about low blood sugar? I will take your suggestion about fruit/veg. I know I don't eat enough of those. I'll let you know how I get on.

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved