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Posts created by brightsunnyday

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

My limit

He knows exactly what damage his words are doing but he is convinced that I deserve it. He feels that he has endured years of me being depressed and doing things that hurt him and now he feels he doesn't need to restrain himself for me. I never paid attention to how things affected him!

I am trying to think of small goals and good things but I keep making things worse. I make a small goal but it screws up too and then I feel more like the failure that my husband says I am. My small steps are giving me the opposite effect.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

My limit

I don't know what small goal to make. Nothing seems to work. Today my 29 month old dribbled some pee on the floor before running to the toilet and peeing in the toilet. I toook him to the pool of pee on the floor and tried to tell him not to let any go on the floor. My husband got angry with me for not being more forceful and insisted I spank my baby. I refused. So he pushed me out of the way and smacked the baby on his bare butt. I don't agree with hitting a child unless what he is doing could cause danger. There is no reason to spank a baby that realized he had to pee and ran to the toilet but lost some pee on the way. He obviously knows where pee goes. I want to help him use the toilet and I set goals for achieving that (and most of the time he does use the toilet) but my goals don't match my husband's goals. He says my way isn't working since the kid still can't use the toilet. Even though I have trying to teach him for quite awhile, he is still only 2 and sometimes they just don't pay attention to their body's signals. My husband says if I smacked him he would start paying attention but I refuse to do that. How can I set any goals if my husband and I can't agree on anything? He thinks everything I do is stupid and has no problem saying so in front of the kids or guests. He is home all the time now and criticizes pretty much every move I make. I am having trouble making any moves...or goals...or anything....knowing that I will be attacked for it. I just want to hide from him (like I am doing now).

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

Abusive Realtionships with Family

Congrats LilyElsa!

I have a similar issue. My husband constantly nags about how I eat. When he is away at work he calls and lectures me for hours on what supplements I should be taking and what foods I should eat. And then he goes ballistic on me when I don't follow 'the plan'. So after some internal injuries slowing me down physically and emotional frustration I am eating more sugary foods...comfort foods. I have gained about 25 lbs in 2 years. Now he even has the kids calling me fat. Mind you, I am 5 foot 7 and weigh about 150 lbs which according to most doctors is not even overweight yet. I have been told by friends that I need to stand up to him and not take the verbal abuse. But I have tried to say something and it just makes him more angry and he attacks me even more.

I am glad your family was understanding enough to listen to your concerns. I hope it helps you get back to being happy with yourself.

I hope to be right behind ya!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

Marriage and Depression

I do believe also that communication is the 'key' but what if the partner can't communicate with you? He is sure that I am the problem and he is tired of me not doing as he says to solve my problem. I took us to a marriage counsellor who said that I am doing what anyone would do and he needs to understand my point of view and he stormed out calling the psychologist an idiot. He is angry at me now for taking him there. Talking to him just makes him angrier.

How do I communicate?%

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

My limit

This program was my last hope. I've had medication, psychiatrists, councillors, read ever self help book... I thought I was 'comparable' to other people. After all, everyone has weaknesses. I still function. I worked 25 hours a week, I home-schooled my 5 kids, I ran the household while my husband would be gone for 6 days a week, I was on parent's committees for the kid's activties etc. I thought I was doing so well considering the circumstances. My husband was injured 2 1/2 months ago and has not been working since then. He is tired of living with someone who is so overwhelmed with their own emotional problems that they can not offer emotional support. He is dealing with financial problems, fear of permanent injury etc. and needs someone to support him but I always fall apart. Now that he is home all the time he has asked me to leave. I refused to go as I could not leave my children. But he insisted that they would be better off without a depressed mother. I didn't believe him, so he called and asked 3 of them. My 6 yo daughter said she loved me and didn't want me to go. My husband says that kids at that stage say stuff like that. But my 8 yo and 14 yo said ya maybe it would be nice if I wasn't around. I didn't expect that. After everything I have done to try to be a good person, everyone prefers me to not be around. I think it is time I just accept reality. I am an unacceptable person and I should have never tried to have relationships.

I thank you all for all the help you have tried to give me. You are wonderful people for putting so much time and energy into others. I wish I was like you but the reality is that I am not. I thought I could learn to be different. But I guess I was born this way....

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

Back again

I have been here before and got at least half way through the program, feel better, and go back to life. Yet, here I am again, worse than ever. I'm in such pain, everything hurts. I'm dizzy and so tired I think I will faint. It doesn't go away. I'm anxious driving for fear I will just drive right off the road. My wrists hurt, my head hurts, the light is too bright, my stomach hurts, my throat....argh. I am trying to read the lessons over again but even that is hard to do. I was hoping all this would be over. I seem to get a bit better but then I go down even further. I'm so tired of being so tired. If I had a bad life in a war-torn country I could forgive myself for feeling so depressed. But I live in a country with a great standard of living. I'm not rich but I have food, clothes and shelter. I have no reason to feel so unhappy.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

Back again

I'm feeling a little better today. But I've been in bed since Friday night. I used to have half a dozen jobs so had to work weekends too but I quit some 6 weeks ago so now I have weekends off. But I stay in bed whenever I am not working. It's hard to get access to this website so I don't read every day. But I will try to read some. I find it very helpful. Thank you.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

Extra conditions threw me off

I was here a few years ago. I have suffered from bouts of depression since I was in my late teens. I didn't quite finish the program here but things seemed a bit better so I let go. However, I hit a few events that pushed me further than I could handle. My husband was hit by a truck and couldn't work in his company (which was where I worked too so I also lost my job). We had paid into disability insurance (to cover half his wages but NOT any of the company's lost revenue so we lost the company) but after 12 months the insurance stopped paying. He took the insurance to a tribunal for stopping the coverage when he was not well enough to work and he won but it took 3 years (it's been 4 years since his accident). Since he could not work and had no insurance coming in, I was forced to work multiple jobs. I had worked from home for almost 2 decades. I didn't adjust well. This change brought attention to my differences and issues that from home I was able to adapt to or ignore. During the past three years not only has my depression come back with a vengeance, I have been diagnosed with Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, Autism, Fibromyalgia and apparently I'm starting Menopause too. Woo hoo. What a mess! Now that he has finally won his insurance battle and now gets half his previous wages I was able to quit a couple of my jobs so now I'm gone to work weekdays from 6 am to 6 pm except Thursdays I'm home at 8 pm and I no longer work on weekends. I could finally catch up on life on the weekends but so far (I quit at the beginning of Jan) I have spent my weekends just laying in bed. I can only get out of bed to go to work but I cry the whole way there. Some nights I stay at work later because I am too weak to even drive home so I try to 'wake up' enough so I can drive safely. The new diagnoses was quite a set back for me. I don't know what to treat first. I want to learn about my 'issues' but I'm so drained. I have a doctor that is supposed to help me learn about my autism so I can adjust but when I saw him he only spoke about my 'environment'. That is, my husband came to the evaluation appointments and behaved in a way that the doctors (and social workers) present are attributing many of my issues to him. The doctor is spending our visits trying to convince me that my husband is abusive. I think his plan is to convince me to leave! Argh, just what I need...another drama! Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm back to finish up the program, use the Extra Help lessons and tools and get back on my feet despite the slew of setbacks and complications in my path.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

This is INSANE!

It took 5 years but I finally did get to see a psychiatrist for evaluation. The psychiatrist diagnosed ADD and autism in addition to depression. Add that to my fibromyalgia and no wonder I have a tendency to get depressed! I have a low threshold for frustration, poor emotional control and the autism keeps me from thoroughly understanding the world around me which leads to anxiety, confusion, frustration and depression. So anyway....I'm back. But this time I have a better idea of what I am dealing with.

4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

Ever heard of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

I have been told I have severe ADHD. I would never have guessed as I envision it as someone who can't pay attention in class and won't sit still. I'm not like that. But after reviewing the symptoms thoroughly with a doctor, it is undeniable. There is a lot more to it than I thought!

Anyway, one aspect commonly seen with ADHD is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Have you heard of it? Do you have it? Do you know anyone that does have it?

If you are familiar with it, what can I do to fix it???? The doctor recommends pills. I don't want to take more pills! What has been the most effective treatment for you or your loved one?

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