Inspirational quote
Hi Pete,
Glad you liked the asemic writing. You seem to have a much deeper understanding of it than me. I am stuck on the "visual beauty" aspect of it and the mystery that surrounds it.
Like the writing you showed your psychotherapist, all writing does not have to have a meaning to a reader. It is enough that only the writer knows. I know this may seem illogical, but I wouldn't worry too much about whether people understand what you write.
Each person/reader brings something to the table when they interact with a work. They bring their history, understanding, etc. If a reader does not understand a particular writing, that just means that reader has nothing to bring to that writing that relates to it in a meaningful way.
Sometimes the author chooses to be explicit later on, helping the readers connect with the text on a level they can understand. Some of the best and most influential writers were accused of writing incomprehensible text. Only after time and group discussions and research into the references, can the original work be accessible without the author's input.
So don't be too hard on yourself! Your writing sounds fascinating, like a puzzle. I am sure it is more accessible than asemic writing. LOL!
It just sounds like your psychotherapist didn’t have the right background and experience to access your writing. Not her fault. Unfortunately, it is painful to hear that not everybody "gets" what we write.
If you truly feel this way: "what I write can only evoke for me what it is intended to evoke," then you are absolutely right; you should not publish your writing. Once a work is published, it takes on a life of its own. People will see things that you never intended, criticize it, use it in ways you do not approve of, etc. But this is the life of a work released away from your protection. All authors let go of control of the piece once it is released.
This is not always bad though. Sometimes the readers add to the work, bringing bits of themselves into the work. It is almost like a “new work” is created through the interaction of the created work and the reader, a triangle of creation: the writer, the reader, and the new work that spawns. Sometimes this new work has more depth, is more complex, and is more beautiful then the original author ever imaged. Sometimes the reader reveals something about the work that the author never considered, adding to the authors understanding of themselves and his work.
I do understand that it is painfully hard to let a piece of writing go. It is like letting a child go off into the world without our protection, without our control.
I wonder if being an author can be a metaphor for depression. Sometimes, I hide my true feelings from those around me, protecting my "true self." Much like an author, I am afraid of rejection, afraid they will see a deeper meaning than I can see, challenging me to face a harsh reality that I struggle to deny, forcing me to accept another's point of view, not understanding me. By "exposing" myself to others, I face unwanted advice and explanations. Being open and honest to others and ourselves about our depression can be a scary and disappointing experience, much like an author exposing his work.
Maybe that's why I don't have any friends! LOL! I am afraid of all of the above. And maybe that's why I only keep my writing in my head, to protect it.
