Diva's rainy days...
Hi Diva,
Ok, I know my answers are not the best, but I am going to be completely honest about what "I" do.
What do you do when, you have reached the end of your rope? Hide: in a tent in the forest, in my bed, behind a good book, or behind my computer; I also get mad and yell at people (not the best solution!)
What do you do when, you can see you are quickly exhausting the few ressources for help around you? I like Goofy's suggestion of looking for other resources; I call my doctor and say I need more help, ask, ask ask, someone will help.
What can you do when you have nothing left inside, but pain and distress? I fall back on that old "hide" routine, and maybe eat some chocolate too. Distractions seem to help (books, movies).
What can you do when you just don’t have enough in you to do anything? I take a huge break and stop doing anything. I was there for the first 3 months of this year, and I stopped cooking, cleaning, bathing, etc. It felt good for me to finally just let everything go; I just truly stopped caring; surprisingly, both my husband and my daughter became responsible for some of those things for the 1st time in their life! I now do much less than I used to.
What can you do when you just can’t deal with your life anymore? Find a little hole to crawl in and hide again, in this case, I usually crawl in bed with something yummy to eat, my laptop (or a portable DVD player), and a few DVDs; I watch the DVDs so I don't have to think; if I still feel like this after a week or so, I make a call to my doctor for help; he changes my meds, and in a few days, I am usually able to get out bed.
What can you do when surviving just isn’t enough anymore? I guess I change my definition of surviving. It used to mean making enough money, keeping up with responsibilities, etc. Then it meant getting out of bed and showering every day. Then it meant just eating every day (in bed). Then it meant just closing my eyes and sleeping to escape into dreamworld (I have some very interesting dreams and really enjoy staying in dream world). Now that I am on medication that is actually helping, I have changed my definition of surviving back to making sure I eat every day and getting out of bed every day. I feel pretty good about that! I know some people say that would be a shell of existence, but it is way more than what I was doing before. I had stopped eating for a while, so where I am at now is a huge improvement.
What can you do when you want off this da*n ride? I was really and truly at this place in December of this year. I had to find something (anything) to focus on and to hang onto. For me, it was my daughter. Every time I struggled with "getting off" the ride, I would see what her face would look like afterwards, and I just knew that I couldn't do that to her. So even though I was miserable, I hung on to her image. So, my best advice is to hang onto something, anything. With what I know now (that it does truly get better with the right help), I would hang onto my doctor and demand more help. If meds and therapy were not working, I would ask for more because living like that was intolerable. I am at the point now where I would even consider ECT for depression. I would have never considered that before, but I now know that there is hope, and I "can" get better (I would have never believed I could get better a few months ago).
Great questions Diva! Thank you so much for posting. I have never asked these questions before and they really made me think. Your tenacity and strength are such an inspiration.
and rather secret."
