miss y´all; crying over nothing at all

LOL! Ok, after that long-winded post, what I think I wanted to say is this:
 
I think I randomly cry (sometimes over 10-20 times per day, sometimes in the middle of the grocery store) for absolutely no reason at all other than the chemical soup in my brain being the wrong mix (too much of something, not enough of something else).
 
However, Ashley's question of really focusing on what you are feeling at that time, and maybe keeping a little log about when the crying spurts happen, what you were doing at the time, who you were talking to, listening to, watching, thinking about etc, may help. Maybe you will start to see a pattern to the crying that is not apparent to you now.
 
Maybe you will find (after a week or so of logging the little "events") that your crying really is tied to certain things (people, thoughts, feelings, etc.).
 
I am more than pleased that 25 mg of Lamictal took away the tears for me, but that certainly won't work for everyone.  Maybe, as you make out a little "crying log" or chart, you will find that the crying is not really related to anything at all (like me). Either way, this info would be helpful to both you and your doctor.
 
Please let us know what you learn as you progress through working out this issue. As a fellow random crier, I love gathering more info on the topic. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

miss y´all; crying over nothing at all

Hi Goofy,
 
Thanks so much for your insight. It sounds like you are doing everything you can do to fight this.
 
Maybe, if those darn random crying spells hit me again, I think I will keep a log too. Maybe I will find a surprise connection or revelation in the log. Maybe they are not as senseless as I think they are.
 
Thanks for letting me know the program is working well for you. That's why I am here; to try and do everything I can to get better. The core beliefs you are talking about sounds really helpful! I have not made it that far. I am still only on section 2 (and it has been 3 weeks). I find that I am only doing one goal at a time, so it is taking me a really long time. My first goal was to fill a new filing cabinet I bought. I am about 1/2 way done. Hopefully I can move onto the other sections of the program soon!
 
Weight gain is the worst. That's one of the reason I got off Lithium. I was just bloating up like a balloon. People thought I was pregnant. I agree; the weight gain makes the depression much, much worse, at least for me it does.
 
I know what you mean about picking the wrong people. How do we undo that? I have come to realize that I always pick friends who are aggressive and needy, always wanting something, always in need of rescue. Drives me nuts. I don't want to rescue people anymore; hence, I have no friends right now (just my hubby which helps immensely). I also just don't trust myself to choose friends wisely. The last one I had needed to move away eventually, and it was such a relief for me. I just haven't made an effort to get close to someone else, and it has been two years. I want happy, independent friends, not needy ones. It's like I need to have them fill out a "friend application" first! LOL! I guess I need to work thorough those issues because I would really like some friends.
 
Rebbie, I agree with Goofy, it sounds like you have legitimate concerns. Not shallow at all. Thanks for sharing!
 

What is Social Anxiety?

I just wanted to share that I used to have Social Anxiety Disorder, but I am "mostly" over it now, thanks to repeated exposure to social situations, a kind of desensitization therapy I guess.
 
Many years ago, when I was in middle school, I was diagnosed as Autistic because I would speak to no one outside of my family. I couldn't even tell you what time it was. If a person asked me for the time, I would just turn away and ignore them. Over time, I made a few friends who I felt safe to be with and open up to. Then I just got slowly better from there. I knew I had a problem (and I am definitely not Autistic). I really wanted a college degree, so my desire for the degree pushed me to confront the disorder. In every single class (except for math), I had to do a presentation up in front of the class. I was terrified, threw up before the presentations, forgot what I was going to say and more. But, I got better. At first, the instructor allowed me to sit behind a desk to talk. Then I was able to stand behind a podium a few semesters later. Then, I eventually worked up to standing in the open.
 
I would always turn a funny red color and stop breathing during the presentation. But with repeated presentations, I only breathed fast and my hands shook, and I remained a normal color. LOL! 
 
I also remember that I had to take a speech class as a requirement to graduate, and I saved it for the very end because I was so scared. I found a "group communication" class (as opposed to the individual speech kind), and it also helped. The professor was brilliant. He had us go up in our groups to "report" on something each week, and while we were up there, he would start to talk and lecture. At first we were all confused and irritated at him for doing this, but after a while, we got clued in to what he was doing. When my group first went up, we were all shaking, couldn't breathe, and were very scared (I think many people like me had signed up for that class). But, after about 5 minutes of his rambling, we stopped shaking and could breathe again and became impatient. After he did this a few times, he explained that he was allowing us to stand up in front of class long enough for the flight or flight response to pass, and it really worked! For our final, big presentation, he allowed all of us to sit in a panel in front of the class. I find sitting takes away a lot of the anxiety.
 
I think my point is that after 6 years of college (went part time), I got over a lot of the social anxiety issues. Yeah!  However, I still fight it. I just graduated recently and had to give a speech in front of about 100 people. I knew for a month in advance, but whenever I thought about it, I would start to hyperventilate, so, I wrote a speech, practiced it a many times, and visualized giving it in front of a huge theater (with many more people than I actually spoke in front of). I would say it in the car, in the bathtub, outside, in the house, etc. When the day came to give it, I just tried to block all the real people out and regurgitate my speech. It worked pretty well! I ended up having a terrible case of dry mouth though during the speech (from the Lithium) and ended up cutting it shortly when my lips kept sticking to my gums. LOL!
 
I am not over this social anxiety thing yet, for example, I was in our car recently, and my husband had his cell phone on speakerphone. He took a work related call, and his coworker wanted to congratulate me on graduating, but I just clammed up and could not even say thank you. My hubby got a bit upset while I just kept shaking my head back and forth. Thankfully, he covered for me. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to a stranger over the speakerphone in the car. It sounds weird to me now.
 
I plan on keeping working on this because I find it to be restrictive and limiting.

Mood Boosters for the Summer

Taking pictures is a summer mood booster for me too. I wish I could eat outside (sounds so nice), but the bees, flies and mosquitoes are just too numerous.

Your top 3 - Things You are Grateful for

miss y´all; crying over nothing at all

Hi Strength,
 
Thanks for sharing! Culturally, it seems to be a no-no for men to cry in public unless they are actively grieving a death of a loved one or some other equally tragic circumstance, which is unfortunate. I can't really give you direct advice on your particular situation, only general suggestions, but it I were you (and being a woman, this is a huge stretch!), I would most likely cry only in the presence of very safe family members and friends, a parent, a spouse, etc.
 
As for my own crying issues, I cry in front of no one. I tend to only do it when I am alone, and no one has observed me crying (for the random crying). I have cried in front of my husband during a particularly intense fight. But overall, I tend to keep my tears all to myself.
 
You know, I was just thinking, there were several years (many years ago, like when I was in my 20s) when I never cried at all. I remember wondering why it had been so long since I cried. It just seemed odd to me since other people cried more often than me.
 
I guess my suggestion is to determine, on a person-to-person basis, who you feel safe and comfortable with to cry in front of. If you are feeling particularly open and brave, you could share your crying issue with the trusted person first (have a talk about it, or write a little letter about it, then talk), so that when you do start crying, they will know what is going on better. Just a thought.
 
Thanks again for sharing!

Effects of Massage Therapy on Stress

How to encourage members to post

I have been thinking about this and maybe posting in the forum could be more actively part of the program.  Right now it seems like an optional thing, just something nice if a person is inclined toward it. The daily mood tracker or diary could also have a section to fill out about the number of forum posts for each day (maybe with a goal of just one post, even if it is super short). Since posting and helping each other is such as important part of healing, maybe it should be added into one of the sections of the program as a homework activity? If people saw it as an integral part of healing, then maybe there would be more participation. Just a thought. I could be completely wrong.  : )
 
I will try and come up with more ideas. I enjoy little "puzzles" like this.
 
As far as words to other members: Posting in the forum is part of the healing process, like online group therapy. You only get out of it as much as you put into it. I know I want to do everything I can to get better, and I think actively participating in a discussion with other people who are going through the same thing as me plays a vital role in my healing. If I thought the forum was a waste of time, then I definitely wouldn't do it.  I have found it to be very helpful and very valuable. The forum is a way to reach out to other people, a way to combat loneliness and isolation. I have read and been told by my doctor that positive relationships are the key to getting better, and being part of the forum provides positive relationships.  It seems that loneliness plays a big part in many people's depression, including mine, and the forum is just one more tool to combat that loneliness. Just reading the posts is a very valuable and informative activity, but it is a more academic, isolated, and lonely activity. For the forum to be truly helpful, it requires an active participation, a reaching out to others, not just a taking through reading but also a giving through posting.

Is Celexa working for me?

Hi Greg_C!
 
That sounds like a wonderful effect of your medication. At least I would be happy if mine did that. So far, my meds have just been a slow, steady improvement rather than a spike like that. Like Samantha says, please check with your doctor and report everything you are experiencing. I have also found it helpful to keep a small list of the meds I am taking/have taken (see my blog in here) to have my history of experience with meds. I print this list out and take it to my doctor's appointments, as I tend to forget what I was going to say once I get to the appointment. : )
 
Lance,
I completely agree. I have found that meds just got me stable enough where I could finally deal with life and start making positive changes. Before meds, I just didn’t care and made no effort to get better. In fact, things were so bad, I don't think I even wanted to get better. So for me, the meds were a way for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel and start working towards healing.
 
Samantha,
I this is a great question. Before I ever took meds, I had no idea what to expect. Now, after trying several different meds, I am much more aware of things to look for. First, if I feel amazingly better after 1 pill within only a few hours (on an antidepressant), I now know that I have switched into hypomania and am headed for manic episode. My depression is not gone and has not been treated; it has just been hidden by the hypomania. Antidepressants should not work within an hour of taking your first pill!  LOL! I learned this the hard way.  Second, as far as negative side effects, I have learned to listen to my body and not just keep taking the drug because my doctor tells me to. I know myself best (I have been with me since birth!), but my doctor only sees me for 15 minute once a month. What may be "normal" for most people or "average" may not be true for me. I have learned to speak up and insist on a new medication when I could not tolerate the side effects. Last, I have learned that meds usually take a while to work and it may take a combination of meds to achieve the best results. So I have learned to be patient with meds and to be willing to take a cocktail of meds for the maximum help (multiple meds may be more applicable for bipolar patients). Hope this helps some!

Friendship

Hi Lance,
 
I just wanted to say "Wow!" to your post below. I felt like you crawled right inside my head and posted that for me. It was so close to how I feel that it's scary. I also moved a ton of times and had to change schools a lot; I also can't get close to people my same sex (women; I relate much, much better to men); I also only have/had my spouse as my only and closest friend (and now that is not even going so good); I have never had any close friends (besides my spouse) for my entire life (probably more my fault than theirs); I also see people from school or at work enjoying each other's company and having a great time, and I just don't know how to be part of that; I also never felt like a I fit in, and this meant that other kids picked up on my feelings and reacted to me like that (again, I realize I brought that upon myself).
 
I wonder if always being the "new kid" causes this inability to form close friendships in people who are susceptible to such a thing? I would love to read the article you read Lance. I am always interested in more information.
 
Samantha,
I like your suggestion of working on whatever relationships we currently have (I have my husband and daughter). However, it is hard sometimes when a person doesn't even know if they "want" to keep those relationships (not talking about daughter here).  I guess some relationships are better than none even if they are frustrating.
 
I guess I don't even know how to be a good friend and am always hoping for the other person to make the first move. I really, really need to skip ahead to the relationship section of the program and work on that since loneliness and isolation play a big role in my depression (and may be the key reasons why I feel depressed). I find it ironic that a person can be married, have a family, and even have many acquaintances outside the home, yet still feel very alone and isolated.
 
Thanks for starting this thread Lance, and thanks for your insight Samantha.