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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Want out of depression

HI CINDYSUE,

I was not trying to be too invasive. I tend towards that when my moods swing upwards. I have gotten into trouble twice in two weeks at work...

What I was trying to assess... was if you had easy access to matrials. In a safe and comfortable environment, you can think of learning a second language as a "pleasant"activity. In a hostile and unstable (hence war torn area i chose as an extreme example) environment, you might need to think of activites that put your self in healing situations. Also in the extreme example the access to matrials you did not bring with you and to resource people (librians, book shops) would be limited/non-existant.

I often use this these kinds of images. Sorry if I jumped ahead of myself there . I like the contrasts and the textures that they bring to an example, and sometimes if the language parts of me are not working well thanks to my Topiramate (Topamax/Dop-a-max!) the playing with the visual helps me a bit. I feel a bit less as stupid as a bag of rocks.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Help me identify cognitive distortion???

Hi Cindy Sue,

Friendships are two way relationships. We give, we take, and define it as sharing. So share a bit of time with this friend.

Dinner and coffee need not be an all night affaire.

Perhaps it is the general negative feelings of the depression that are coloring the recent meeting. When, it lifts the next meetings will hold the same friendship you shared many moons ago.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

How to handle this kind of thing?

Hi Brenna.

I know that all the posts are open ... that was just my polite throat mmerrggrr, may I join you? Since the discussion had started.

Rose

You know I pretty much know the limits of my Mom. I just turn into that 3 yr old that did not want to get beaten when she and her boyfriend had a lover's spat... I hang on and plead for protection and know there is no hope. You learn to reason quickly but never lose the hope.

So with the on going discussion ... i know that there are those who have such power to hurt and damage us. We do not volutairly give them that capacity it is almost genetically programmed

!! And try as we might to negate or ignore the comentary it hurts. It cuts worse that cardboard - the rough open wound that will not shut and bleeds all over, and hurts for what seems like forever.

I agree that bed is the warm safe heaven. It was where I dried my silent tears and hit my scars. Asleep, I could not be accused of attitude or disrespect or any of the rest ... then. Today, it is still an escape from reality.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Did you know?

Yup, that was how I did it... just really slow beacuse I did not know I was Bipo and anxiety was a symptom not the problem.

But I did it with a group that became my friends @ Phobie-Zero.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Want out of depression

Hi Cindy Sue,

If you can believe it, i know exactly how you feel!!!

I live in Montreal and grew up anglophone. English school, English friends (of Italian community), and English culture... in the heart of a French City. And with the political environment over here ... I was not in the popular camp. Especially when there were the questions of Splitting with the rest of Canada and all... THere were political battles that tore families apart! so as an awkward teen with the unpopular language and 1/2 the other one and rolling those rrrr's with a thick accent ... and the verb tenses all over yesterday and tomorrow. I know how you feel!!!

Hi Rose,

THe description is from CrazyMeds and I think it describes the secondary effects of the darn Dop-a-max to a T / D. My kids have started laughing at Maman who makes sounds like a 2 year old when she can not find a word. I do not know if you notice but I have some really good spells and then these more difficult moments. Strange that the depressed mood brings better communication - my brain is slower so I can catch my thoughts. It is the GOOD moods that bring the difficult communications. i skip over points in a chain of thought. i have a lot of trouble catching my thoughts never mind putting them somewhere I can find them!!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Can of worms

rose.

I love the voice you present to us. You bring warmth and experience to all the advise and thoughts you express. You often come straight to the point so I have to really think about what you have written!! A good exercise for this brain that is slowly shrinking!

I hope you continue to post for quite some time to come!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

How to handle this kind of thing?

when you are 3 you cannot.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

How to handle this kind of thing?

Hi Sarah.

No. Somehow writing about this pain all I can do. I have forgiven my mother and my family. My mother because of what she is will never really understand what she did to me. And dispite the daily strapping and the spankings I learned something important ... that ALWAYS comes through my moods ! To be careful of my family. I think before opening my mouth and to be sure the punishment is understood and fits the behavior. I Remember it all and promised myself to never subject others to my past.

Also, I had to forgive my family. They had no idea what was going on and at that time ... there were little resources available. There were no teachers to talk to, no Safe adults, no anyone to take responsibility of me. So I hid my pain. We all were in a catch-22. THey could not help me. THey had no idea.

My mother never did anything except brush me away when she was upset. It was her boyfriend who enjoyed the spanking and the strapping and touchy-feely... Maybe I have buried this under so much "it does not matter" "it was not her fault" "there is nothing to be done" "I am over it" that by now all its influence is subconscious and that is why I automatically cry and feel nul.

Funny that this sbject is titled how to handle ... and I am talking about buring the past and forgetting it.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

pain

Have you guys noticed that there are all kinds of pain?

We all have some we can endure and others we cannot.... A skinned knee, A bump on the head. We rub the painful area and it goes away. No endurance is necessary. A sprained ankle, A broken arm. There some endurance is built up and some medical help is necessary. A lot of Healing is necessary and we the body its time. ( I broke my ankle Feb 07 and spent 12 weeks with my foot in the air and my thumb on the remote.) Then there are those who live with physical pain daily, like those with arthris and back muscule and spine problems...

And I can not endure a few muscle spasms these days

what a whoose.

THere are those that have a world of emotional pain. Problems with their close relationships. Problems with children. Illnesses that menace their loved ones. THere are those whose very lives are in peril.

And here I am miserable. Why? I have the tools to manage my stress. I have a comfortable life and the means to make lifestyle changes. Today, I feel good. I am in a good amount of physical pain and I do want to escape a bit but I do not Feel bad. I do not need to cry ! I could go negative and wonder why chouette insists on doing everything but be with me. I could feel bad that I am not helping him enough and he does not want to have fun with me!! (no Couples quality time). I could escape by running off and doing overtime at work. I could go load another c-card.

Instead I am waiting for the Tylenol to work with you. I am listening to the Canadian Top 30 on The Mix. And I am watch inthe last yellow leaves fall trying to remember why it is that the reds fall first ... and do we have enough leaves to cover the bulbs for the winter ???

Is that part of me? is that what it means to be bipolar? Will I have more of these nice moments? So if it is then ... when i crash I fit the situation into my mood ... as an explanation? or justification?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

pain

I was contemplating the chicken and egg question because of the nature of bipolar disorder. One part of it is stress and lifestyle related. So life will get in the way and push a mood just a bit further in the direction it was going... One part is that nasty miswiring. So If a mood shifts it is not always because life gets in the way! sometimes it is the chemicals are are unbalanced and the cells in the brain do not get the messages ... Hey its a nice day! YO you did some really nice work. STOP i are stuffed and about to explode. And even is life is okay the feelings do not follow.

And in the Myth and Fact ... Depression follows the same pattern.

Where as The borderline personality disorder is a lot more situation driven ... and there is a different relationship dynamic. Okay, according to what I read I should be at the point of outgrowing it now... anyways!!! But I have stable friendships and marriage. I have stayed in all employments till the contracts expired or that one place closed 11 years ago... I finished my BA. And I do not give people the all good - all evil lables. I know about how certain personalities mix better than others and appreciate when mine is acceptable to another.

As a child (6 to 10) i did not have the vocabulary to express the pain I felt inside so I did hurt myself ... hoping someone would see and question. Hoping to learn I guess. Hoping to get what was inside out! Also as a punishment for being so stupid!!! I knew better that to be seen by Father. When I was seen, it was enough to provoke a mood and "play with his nerves". When I was seen my Mother's boyfriend it was enough to remind him of some slight and set off the "crusing for a brusing". Then as a teen that was gone. I was better able to defend myself against the physical, not the verbal. But as any teen will tell you acne is a scourge ... so I would remove the pimples, blackheads and all. And my father's "jokes" olny made sure I left a scar and no other sign of evil.

-so self mutilation? I would not say that. Only bad habit.

And you know the borderline PD and the Bipo are so similar is many symptomes... that I think I really should take the psychologist's word for now.

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