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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

First Steps

hi Julie,

maybe he feels the stuff on TV is ALL fiction. Somepeople have trouble making a connection with what is on TV (my neanderthal is like that

) . I am not sure if it is the non-verbal cues that is missing. Or if it has to do with the way that they view the media. But it is as though everything is set up and acted out, even thenews could be a fictional account.

Take todays top story about the horrors in India! I felt exposded and unsafe listening how Non-Indian people were rounded up and being held. And my Cave-Man grunted at my feeling and went on the computer to watch the wrestling we do not get in our area!

And Cro-magnon did not even budge to being one sick kiddie to the doctor! so I am upset.

So Julie,

Is your husband one to try to avoid emotional situations because he really has absolutely no idea what is expect and what to do ? And when confronted with situations that does not have to deal with he happily runs away or brushes them off... like my chimp? Or if the situation is in the past, he knows there is nothing left for him to do so he easily leaves it neatly buried in a chest at the back of the attic?

Still in this day and age we teach out little girls to hold and hug their dolls. To care and talk to each other and we bring them to visit other female family members - for tea. The boys have their activities - go out to play and big boys don't cry ... sort the fight over the ball out yourselves... and all such nonsence. So we do not really tell boys what a feeling is. Why is it there and how to release it. We do not show girls that being physical and releasing the emotional energy in a physical activity can be stimulating; refreshing. Not all Families hold so Tightly to the gender differences but it creeps in! So as we run into trouble as adults we hae a slow long learning process to put ourselves through and it feels like a punishment!

(neanderthal here will agree to it).

Julie,

Stoping time and removing yourself to deal with everything does not always help. It seems like life just piles more of the little day-to-day stuff while we were not looking. One of the gang, has their posts end with "one day at a time" probably this works in most cases. But it is nice to hide under the blankets for a week-end and not come out except for a cup of hot tea!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Starting over again

hi ralph,

welcome to the gang ! can I become nosey right away or do you need time to get use to the different voices?

You have so many different ideas and things I want to explore to better under stand you! from your first post!! There are a a bunch of issues you bring up and do not really explain and I have a million questions and and and...

... sorry ...

i'm the resident bipolar and with the holiday stress setting in I am strarting to become hypomanic. so my posts ramble a bit!!!

But they are a part of my Voice and a part of my way to express myself so I leave them in

the gang has gotten used to me and just ignors the worst ones - right

*Was your theraphy ment to get you back yo work rapido-presto or to work through the issues that drove to consider giving up?

*When you were told you were doing well was it because you were expressing something or revealing yourself? Or you you answering to what you perceived was the question in the air? one of Sheba's?? posts is about lying to the therapist and telling them what they want to hear to be given positive feed-back; positive vibe in a really bad time.

*Stress is a big problem for many of us, and you mentioned anger also played a role in your past. Do both interact at the same moments? Is anger management a difficult point for you, especially with a <family>?

*Why suicide? Not the obvious to end it all and be done with it ... more what is the factors that have driven to to the end of the black hole of the tthe universe? What is the source of this all consuming pain (or frustration?) that has pushed to to the brink of an irreversable decision?

*what do you see your medication is? a crutch holding a hadicapped upright? a temporary solution for a temporary problem? a cure for an infection? a justification / excuse to all those things they say about....? I want to know what you know about your illness and its manifestation in you. I want to know what myths you have bought into and what stigmas touch your life.

Nosey are I not today?

also I am bored with life ... one more symptome of the hypomanic side....

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Alot of challenging later...

Hi mo3.

I know that she has a good friend in you.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Starting over again

hi ralph.

I took something to force myself to sleep last night and am better today. Also the run to get things done at my son's pace also helped!

I am happy that you took my questioning well ... I am a young person but with a lot of experience when it comes to dealing with the pain of this illness. And the desire to just quit has been around in my life. I do not know is it is a lack of courage for I fear the retribution I might face for not completing the taskes this time . I fear having to come back and starting all over with a punishment included! The is also the fear of not being successful in my attempt and being maimed in the process. the having to survive in a state that is worst than the one i must endure now...

Also when I was in Cegep I had read somewhere that "suicide is a person confusing a mortal enemy for a close friend." And in my periods of depression my memory is often questionable so this quote is striking. Sometimes it is a type of mantra to keep me focused in the morning ... which is better than the alternative "s**t I am still alive. why can't my one prayer be answered? "

Ah I see what you mean with the therapists ... it is nasty to say but you were coming in like a 100W light bulg and they were a little 2W LED. just eclipsed! I am lucky, the woman I am seeing now is really quick and is able to keep up with me. She gives me the text book info I want in the coles notes format that I understand perfectly well (since I went through the texts before hand as well) and she is able to then take the info and apply it in my terms to my life. Then round out the 45 minutes with an exercise for the month. Louise probably graduated in the top 10% of her class or has a lot of experience!!!

I guess I am really curious about you because a lot of your story resembles mine - before I was diagnosed this year with Bipolar disorder. I would be horribly depressed for a while. The pop out of it I thought it was with help of the medical people I was seeing at the time. I had times of amazing progressing and productivity bu it would not ever last!!! and I would eventually Crash and burn ! and become depressed. I thought it was because I was self sabotaging due to my difficult past. I relied on self medication; alcohol to get through stress.

But mainly I thought that others would easlily mourn my passing and get on with their lives. I was nothing but a passing moment, a casual friend. And my husband's pain at the thought of losing me woke up something in me. I am his world. I might think what I want about myself but he is a big boy and has his own mind made up. His feelings are real and they are deep. He has invested his entire future in our relationship and has no eggs in any other basket! Now, my children depend on me to fulfill their needs. They expect me to be here for them. I am not a safe harbour for the night only.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Starting over again

hi rose,

I totally agree that people mess up the notions of the devine. Humans are stuck thinking in terms of opposites so there is too much space for misunderstandings and ego.

I think that is why so many now say they are spiritual but not religious. We tend to look at the lighter sides of the world's religions and pick and choose what we need in our lives. We do not really stand on dogma anymore. We grew up Roman catholic but could not really care what the pope does behind his door. We do, at least 50 things each day that would be grounds for excommunication ... and we do not think twice of each little choice! And still we go to communiunion at christmas and easter. It is tradition ... part of the picking and choosing?

I think somewhere deep inside when humanity evolved and became self conscious ... it needed to be "bien entourer"; supported. It looked at the rest of creation and saw that nothing else reasoned quite the way that we did. Humanity did not want to be alone on the face of the planet so it developed the notion of an original parent. Somewhere in thye past, someone fabulous and fantastic was my ancestor. They were strong and brave and courageous and they passed on some of these to me. And the original story evolved ...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

husban in psych hospital

hi em.

I have been busy with a houseful of sick people ... but took the nite off (after taking care of my husband cracked skull

a silly accident).

Depression is often a sensitivity to stress. Some become sad, some angry, and some anxious. That is why the good and bad events of our lives cause problems because the body does not see the difference between bad and good stresses. The loss of a job, a wedding, a snow storm can be triggers.

You really had a a frightening experience for several months. Living with someone who was so miserable and who wanted to be his old self, not this sick person. Sharing your home and your live with this new person who really did not want to admit to having this misunderstood illness! You were lucky to have found such a good crisis worker! Someone who your husband was able to open up to and release his tension with!!!

Being at the hospital is boring and I will admit that many will do anything to be released from the hospital. But, the doctors have been seing the best of the the liers (the truely psycotic who believe the lies) and know when a person is ready to go home!!! em, they will allow your husband the time he needs to recover a bit from the "damage" the stress did to him at his original choc. When he comes home there will be good days and bad days ... like with everyone else. But your husband will need to learn to change certain ways of thinking. If his depression was truely all linked to his job loss he might have gotten into negative thought spiral similar to... I am a worthless husband who sits here all day alike a lazy a**h*** and so on. Or perhaps his thinking patterns start with the reasons with the original loss of the job...

***Regardless!!! that is between him and his therapist!!!***

Your husband will have to learn to be a lot more permissive and supportive of himself. he will have to become his own best friend! he will have to learn he has an illness and allow himself the time to heal. And in the future recognise that severe stressors can affect him so he needs to be very open with his doctor. Not an easy thing for a man!

And with all this what is your story em?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Starting over again

hi gang.

I have been stuck on a lonely rock ... but i'll put that in another post.

I just wanted to say that i am sad that I missed such a good discussion!!!

At this time of the year with two major religions celebrating, the other 2/3 of the population just gets the commercialism rammed down the thoat! A moment of the year when the northern hemisphere is preparing for the great-cocooning of winter (I hate the cold and will look for any reason to ignore it) and the economy has decided it is the last chance to stuff trinkets into our homes.

Cocooning, nesting ... it is the a bit the time of the northern year where we need to slow down conserve resources turn inward. And it is great it have a varity of ideas to express and share. I love rose's voice that is truely bare; only a few lines says it all!!! She is conservative with her words and real down to earth with her ideas.

MO3 is really great at summerizing whole discussions and putting her finger on the point. She has a wide experience and gently ruffles feathers every once in a while like a breeze.

So Ralph, I am really happy that you have had the courage to wade into these deep waters.

It is nice to dig deep sometimes and see what core beliefs hold me! up and express them to the group. Thank you for the opportunity

I appreciate it.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

ouch!

hi gang,

I have been so caught up with everything in my life that I have been ignoring me!

Dec 2 I went with my son to his dr for the usual follow up to his ADD and concerta. He is still growing and the minimal doses still work so that is great! but like my father's-sister and I, my son is starting Migraine. 10 years old and days and days of pain. All the dr can suggest is rest and advil/motrin. So I took Tigre to an osteopath and he has a c3 sensitivity; an middle-aged executive's complaint!!! the third vertebrae's has a tiny inflamation and lots of tension. the L7 has a posture thing! like I could not tell with the dinner time slump... And and osteopath sees the body in terms of 4 major meridians; lines of forces that govern the body. Usually, one is out of alignement and that is what causes dis-ease; dis-confort. Well Tigre has 3 of the 4 out of alignement. So the osteopath wants us to see a chinese acupunturist who also studied medicine at the well know university here before the osteopath will do anything. The osteopath said that he could releave a bit of the symptomes but really do nothing and it would only end up costing a lot. And to top it off Tigre now has a really nasty throat infection that absolutely needs anti-biotics and rest and advil ... and water and he wants video games!

I feel lost and guilty in this no mans land!

My cocotte has a swallen troath as well but her body has fought the infection ... and if her mood is any indiction that virus ran away with the tail beween legs to her brother! She has been nother but a BRAT for two weeks! Between her upcoming birthday, Christmas, the spectacles at school and her danse class, and the virus And we have heard is I want and do you know how much pain you have cause me? In one grocery story -over popcicles- I said yes I know and it is part of your punishment for throwing yourself on the floor and crying like a 3 year old for popcicles. I am hurting you on purpose calling you a baby ! so that you will think like a big girl and ask nicely for some thing reasonable!

Why do other parents snicker at me? and grandparent outright laugh?

My Chouette, loving husband had the same infection all week. He wanted to rock the daughter and watch a girl film with her in the hammoch which was not hung right. He fell to the floor and got the nice piece of sawed pipe in the fore head. Blood all over!!! my daughter was calling me; maman, papa is bleeding, papa is bleeding. So gauze squares, rolls, and a nice big towel! and voila nothing shows three minutes later. Daughter is back in lap and I am watching one for comotion-cerebral, another for run away fever.

And me in all this? I have ignored stress at work. It will soon be the vacation and sick day festival time of the year. And that also coincides with a small peak because those left to work make a mess that i have to try to work out of fix some time soon after. I have not been taking time for my little pleasures. There is a stupid reason why I took up beading!

I buy bags of a million t-i-n-y but t-i-n-y seed mixed colour beads and I sort the colours. It is exactly like doing a puzzle but there is the three dimentional component of feeling the beads. And I have touched these in a month. My regular puzzles are also alone downstairs collecting dust. I did see the psychologist when I nearly dragged my boss to H/R and had a jealous fit... and she said these a

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Reality hits home

hi goofy,

I know, I remember when my father died.

I was pregnant with Cocotte, and Tigre was 4. I want to hand it all to my aunt and yet do it all since her husband had died 4 months earlier.

All that stuff. Mine, yours, ours, theirs. Once this paperwork and sifting is over the process that is more your own person journey with grief will probably be better. You will no be dealing with the time delays that others have imposed.

and good night.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

ouch!

hi rose ... my husband never let me use the leash!!!

so he got to carry the screeaching kids

I threatened to grab their coats and drag them like babys about to run in the street! or i would strangle them with the hood of a coat or a scarf... we only lost my son twice in department stores, and once my daughter.

I usuall gargle with salt, i am afraid if poisoning myself. and no anxiety meds, i row that boat alone (and i sometimes turn in circles, oh well the scenery is nice).

Evolution Health is not a healthcare provider and does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are currently thinking about or planning to harm yourself or someone else please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

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