I am new to this forum but thought it seemed like a great place to start in trying to work on myself and my anxiety. I have been dealing with anxiety my whole life, starting from being very young and being known as "shy" to even now having trouble with public speaking or being in certain social situations for fear of what people will think of me. I'm working on it though! This discussion I wanted to start is around an issue I'm having and have been having my own life; difficulty with having tough discussions with people (friends, family, spouse, you name it). My biggest issue is when a particular issue or topic is upsetting to me, I cannot hold back the tears. If I try to express how I'm feeling with words, I get choked up and I feel like I can never quite get what I'm feeling out in the way that I want. I will cry, I will feel better, but then the underlying issue that made me upset to begin with was never resolved. I'm finding this particular behaviour very difficult in my relationship. If something upsets me I tend to hold it in because I know if I try to address it, here come the waterworks and then I won't be able to express myself. I've tried using email or texting to some extent but that is also not the way I want to handle things. I want to be able to sit down and have a conversation with my spouse or friend without it affecting me on such an emotional level. Anyone have any tips on how to make progress in this area? I should also say that I'm a cryer to begin with; happy, sad, mad, frustrated, whatever ... if my feelings are strong enough it seems my only outlet are tears!
All of these posts are great, thanks for sharing. It really hits home with me as well, I can related to having issues in feeling loved and I think what was mentioned about people giving and receiving love differently is so true. For example, my father never said "I love you" to us as kids however he would always cook for us and still does today for family gatherings or just on a random day drop by with a care package. I learned to realize that is how my father expresses his love. I find trouble with this with my spouse as he will say the words "I love you" all the time, but I don't feel like he shows it through action. The words start to lose meaning to me. However to him, saying the words is how he expresses it. I may need to check out that book goofy mentioned.
I believe for me what causes the crying is talking about the problem itself, because usually the problem is something that hurt emotionally that I want to discuss and let my spouse know that it hurt my feelings. I always compare it to when you are having a bad day but you are alright until someone asks "What's the matter"? Usually at that point the tears would start. I appreciate the advice, I will definitely try these out and see what helps. I like the idea of writing my thoughts down even if I don't want to communicate them that way, at least I could have something to come back to if I'm having trouble expressing myself.
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