I need some help with the forms from Session 1
Davit,
I apologize for that coming across accusatory as that was not my intention. I can tell you that yesterday I have a Crohn's episode and with me going down on my meds, what I was used to taking when I had Crohn's episodes has thrown my for a loop, so to speak. My brain is rather fuzzy today.
It just hit a nerve...like people saying that you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself. I can say categorically that isn't true, at least in my case...OR, I in fact do love myself and don't realize it.
I have a number of things that are good about me, so I guess you would say that, at least in some areas, I DO like myself. I am compassionate, giving, loving, caring, honest, sincere and trustworthy. I imagine that there are more, but sometimes it takes another person to point them out to you because they are innate to you, so you don't think about them.
You weren't risking getting me mad. You were potentially risking making me sad and leaving because I would think that I can never get "better" based on your statement.
I will also say that my mind is in a bit of flux right now as I am getting off of my meds. I am feeling more things which is good, but at the same time, some of those things like depression are no so pleasant. This is a necessary step though as it has been a very long time since my meds were adjusted or even looked at. They did keep me in a "dead place" which wasn't good. I didn't feel much of anything.
You know, through all of this, I still don't get these forms. On one hand, I understand what they are supposed to do, but on the other hand, I am opposed to them as "I can think faster than them". What I mean by that is that, my mind knows exactly what is going on all of the time and with my decades of experience of therapy, I can second, third, and forth guess everything. When I was young and having a conversation with someone, I was thinking ahead of the conversation and thinking of answers or responses to a multitude of possibilities of what they might say...and then I would think of answers or responses to all of those and so on, and so on. I had virtually the whole conversation thought out in every possibility and responses for all of that. I found that to be too tiring and through time, I stopped doing that. At the same time though, when it pertains to these forms, It seems like an unbelievable waste of time and paper and ink and trees to be writing all of this stuff down...at least for me. I need that "ah-ha", moment before I will see the benefit. I went on to Session 2 and read that. I printed out the Advanced Negative Thought Form and looked at it. I just either have a HUGE mental block to these forms or I just don't get it AT ALL. Did you go through that? It that something that you have heard others say? Is that common? I don't mean for this to be taken the wrong way, but I feel like I am "too smart for those forms". My basic nature will defeat any good they might do until I see a reason for them... (A REASON THAT MAKES SENSE TO ME). Do you understand what I mean? I feel like these forms are designed for pre-schoolers and I am in college. They just don't compute...they don't resonate. I don't know any other way to say it. I want to go through this and improve myself, but if you give me a bucket of white paint and tell me to paint a rainbow, I can't do it. A rainbow has 7 colors in it...and none of them are white...and yes, I know there are way more than 7,but that is what the human eye sees.
I hope this gives you more information about me. I do want to apologize again for what was accusatory in my previous post.
Steven
