I was just pondering something lying in bed... a common theme I read in people's posts are that they have some scary thoughts and feelings, and then they try to figure out why they are having the thoughts and feelings, which leads them to be more scared and have more of these thoughts and feelings. So maybe the time we, including me, spend dwelling on trying to figure out "why, why, why" actually has the opposite effect --> makes us more anxious, etc.
I know this is true for me sometimes.... what do others think?
It's my 6th day back from vacation, and 3rd day back at work, and my anxiety is through the roof. Yesterday was a little bit better, and I slept ok last night, but today is horrible again. I'm just stuck in this cycle of negative thoughts and panicky feelings - horrible! I'm feeling hopeless because its so overwhelming to think of everything I have to do at work during the day and then at home to get control of the anxiety. It's been 6 years dealing with this, and I'm feeling very scared that I can't do this.
My anxiety is still pretty high. I haven't exercised since the weekend, so I'm gonna go for a run after work today. I'm currently working on a project at work and have to read and summarize alot of things. I'm finding it very hard to focus and concentrate. I'm reading an not much is sinking in. I'm just gonna try and do my best today. I almost called in sick today because it was quite hard to get myself here. I may take a sick day tomorrow. This has been a really bad cycle of anxiety for me, but it will pass.
Its now been about 10 days of moderate to severe anxiety. I'm trying to stay positive but its so hard. I moved out in the beginning of January and was anxious for about a week, and then had two good weeks and went away to Mexico for a week. A day after I got back, my anxiety shot up big time. I wonder if its because I moved out? Since then my sleep has been up and down, ive felt more down than usual, and very apathetic (like why bother trying anymore). I'm not doing a good job at work and I'm afraid people will begin to notice. I honestly don't know how I get out of the bed in the morning. I feel frozen with panic at times... like I don't know what to say or do. Its hard not to imagine the worst. I have valentines day dinner tomorrow night and I just feel like I'll be out of it, anxious and feeling apathetic.
This week is a little better than last, but not by much. I'm sitting at work trying to read articles and sort of write a paper and I'm not retaining much. I'm having trouble focusing and organinzing thoughts. I use to have some interest in this project, but because of these frustrations, I'm losing alot of interest. Feeling hopeless today.
Yes I tried doing that today... went for a walk, got a tea. My mind just felt stuck. Its hard to figure out if its that I don't like my job anymore or is it the anxiety/depression that does not allow me to like my job ?? I got really upset at the end of the day because I work in a hospital and there are alot of people in with mental health issues, etc, and alcohol problems. I get scared that that I may get worse. I'm single, and single people have higher rates of depression and anxiety... don't they? I wish I could just distract myself from these scary thoughts. I just want to feel like myself again... whatever that it. I guess just not feel lost and scared.
I have made an appointment to start seeing a therapist I saw in the past again. She does mainly CBT work. So I'm hoping that will help me along. I have been talking to someone long distance once or twice a week for the last few months, and this has helped me to keep pushing through. I guess what else may help me would be to be more positive and easier on myself. Although I think I have been easy on myself lately. Its hard to be positive when my mind is so negative. I know eating well and exercising regularly helps and that is somethings everyone must do. I think over the next few weeks I'm gonna make a few goals for myself and really try to stick to them. For instance Ive been doing this project at work for awhile and I have no real set deadlines. Ive been allowed to work from home somedays to do it and have not been getting much done. Im gonna try to put in a few good hours this afternoon.
Doesn't help that its been pouring rain for many days now....
Over the last few weeks, my anxiety has been increasing to the point where I'm making silly mistakes at work and I'm teary more often. My roomate is away this week so maybe the distraction of having her around and now not having her around, may be increasing my anxiety this week. I was making lunch and doing dishes this morning, and I got dizzy and couldn't really focus on anything for awhile. I know these are probably anxiety symptoms. Its so frustrating because I got to work everyday and I exercise quite abit, and don't seem to get improvement. And when I don't get improvement, my anxiety further increases. I'm supposed to be working at home today and haven't been able to do anything yet because I can't focus. I try not to think about what I'm going through because I'm scared ill just break down and not get out of bed. A therapist suggested anti-anxiety meds. I'm already on an anti-depressant and am quite hesitant to get hooked on another med. But I don't know how I can do therapy, CBT, etc... when I feel like I'm running around all day on high anxiety.
On the other hand part of me feels that taking pills is the easy way out and I haven't put in the hard work...? I don't know....
I feel like something has switched off in my brain. The last month, I feel like Ive been going downhill. Feels like there is a veil between me and the world. I'm sleeping decently but am panicky with racing negative thoughts almost all day over the past few days at least. I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist in 10 days and not sure what I should do. I can't seem to snap out of it. CBT doesn't seem to be helping at this point. Im scared to have to take another medication like an anti-anxiety med. I know I have to just stay in the moment, in this day. But my mind keeps going to the future. It's like I'm searching in my mind, thinking, for something to make me feel better or give me hope. I'm suppossed to go skiing this weekend and am not even excited about that. Is that a bad sign?
I've been doing the program on and off. Everytime I sit down to do it, I can feel the tension and panic rising within me... and I keep thinking I can't do it. I try to distract myself so that I don't have to think about what I'm going through, because I'll just breakdown. I'm not getting a big project at work done because i can't focus and retain what I'm working on, and it pretty much needs to be done by next week. The thought that "I don't care" keeps coming back up. But I tell myself I have to, and I get in a battle in my head. Then I start spinning and go blank.
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