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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

New at this

I can relate. I posted a bit ago about OCD and panic attacks.

I have had panic attacks since I was a child and I know how bad they can be. As an adult I go through long periods with no bad panic attacks and then, all of a sudden, they return in small form and then they become more than an annoyance.

I did take Lorazepam a long time ago for about 8 years. I then had a bad period of stress during my first marriage and was changed from what meds I was taking to diazepam and triavil. I have found no magic pill, but a combination of meds, therapy, either self or with a doctor, and lot's of exercise help a lot. Have you ever tried yoga? It can work wonders. Being out in the sun also helps a lot.

I really hope you find this group helpful, I know I have, and even more so now that I am also going through a rough time.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

OCD therapy

Thanks for the response, Davit,

I know some of the things are not OCD, but I have a good idea which ones continue to stick in my head and become very bothersome to the point that I can't clear my head. With my list that I am compiling, I will be able to find the ones that are reaklly troublesome and work on those.

There are times where I have continuous OCD all day. I'll have a song stuck in my head, I'll also be worrying about something stupid and then scary thoughts will appear and then I go into a spiral of OCD, anxiety and then panic attacks can happen because it makes you feel like you're losing control of your thoughts.

Now I have not seen my therapist since late 2006. I tried to make an appointment recently but it's hard for me to take time off of work. My therapist's office is about 45 minutes from my house and I work 30 minutes in the other direction. But I have to find the time to schedule an appointment even if I have to take a day off. I've only been at this job about seven months so I am scared of giving myself a bad reputation, but I also have to put my health at the higest of importance. So I am definitely going to try harder this time to make it happen.

As far as other OCD symptoms, here are old ones I had: Counting a certain amount of numbers to make things even; turning a light switch a certain amount of times; looking at things to make sure they're still there; focusing on a digital clock until the time changes or the exact opposite: Trying not took look at the clock until it changes. Those are just some examples of old ones I had and some of them I still do have.

Anyway, on with my day. Was just in the front yard levelling our soil for when we lay the sod.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Feeling nearly 100% and then bad anxiety again

Thanks for the recent posts. I have been keeping my log and just finished logging about an anxious experience I had today. It happened at about 1:15 while I was driving. I got this confusing vision of myself (either dissociation or depersonalization, hard to tell them apart sometimes) that has happened a lot of times over the years. I was feeling pretty good most of the day. I did take a whole diazepam (5mg) in the am before work. I took it in two half doses about 20 minutes apart. I also took some magnesium and my usual vitamins. Not really sure why I had this episode today, but it affected me the rest of the day. Funny how a few seconds of confusion can throw you off for a while. But, once again, I went on with my day, only taking another half a diazepam and came home to my lovely wife a few hours later and am now getting ready for my workout.

This episode could have been related to something that was said in your posts about our meds affecting us by calming us in a normal state. I also know that around lunch time or after, I sometimes get these feelings. I also know how rotten I felt on from Wednesday to Friday and worked so hard over the weekend to bring myself back to feeling a lot better, so maybe this was just a setback that won't last long.

Thanks you for posting and helping me,

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Feeling nearly 100% and then bad anxiety again

Thanks for the helpful info, Davit. I will look into it.

I am taking both to calm my anxiety, but I have been known to over do things. LOL

Tonight I did a relaxation and inspiration exercise. It's by Dr. Emmett Miller. I have used it before and then downloaded the mp3 again last night. The CD I had of it had totally erased. It's about 25 minutes long and is set to beautiful music. It really relaxed me. I am going to continue to use it. My therapist first told me about it about 6 years ago.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

OCD therapy

Thanks, Anerol. Telling us all that helped me realize I'm not alone.

I have to add that I had a great day today. I only took half of a 5mg diazepam and had very little dissociation or stress.

I did one thing that I think helped: Last night, I started back doing meditation with Dr. Emmett Miller's Relaxation and Inspiration program. I did it at 9:45 for the full 25 minutes. I also took two 100 milligram 5-HTP in the am instead of bedtime. I think these combined changes helped me have a good day.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Feeling nearly 100% and then bad anxiety again

Davit,

Sounds like you handled it well and have come out of it OK. I know how scary that kind of stuff can be.

I also think it's great you came on here to share because I know it does me good when I do it.

You've all helped me a lot.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

The cycle continues

After building my confidence, focus and positive attitude back to nearly normal (over a couple of weeks to a month)... I thought I was nearly "better." Whatever that means, right? :-)

In all seriousness, I was really feeling well. I had less anxiety, less OCD, less stress and then I even did not have to take a whole 5mg valium at our Friday meeting at work. I was doing really well... Then Sunday hits and I started to feel stress, anxiety and a bit of depression. It happens a lot on Sundays.

I know some of my stress came from the fact that this is a sales blitz week where we are required to make 2 sales minimum (I made one today). But all the anxieties and OCD's are back.

At one point today (during work), I began to panic to the point that I almost started to think of any bad thought I had experienced before that would cause panic. I soon caught myself and told myself that none of it was real. I then took 2.5 mg of valium. I had already taken a half at 7 am, and it was about 11. I then felt closed in or depressed much of the rest of the day, like kind of in a daze with touches of depersonalization and dissociation. Still feel it now.

But none of this was bad enough to ruin my day or my workout which I am in the middle of.

Can anyone give me some thoughts on this? I really hate it when I fall backward and it all comes back. I just want to feel like I did last week.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

The cycle continues

I forgot to add that I tried doing my relaxation program Sunday and I could not get relaxed for much of it. Lot's of noise in my head.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

The cycle continues

Thanks everyone for noticing that I have improved. It's hard falling from feeling so, well, normal, whatever that is.

Ashley, now that I thought about it a bit more, I remember having some anxiety toward the end of last week. Weird and anxious thoughts out of nowhere that I try to control and not let get the better of me. It usually happens during work. I do a lot of thinking when I work and sometimes bad thoughts occur. That is what started happening end of last week. I was probably not breathing correctly and was probably rushing because I had appointments to get to on time. I have to remember that I can only do one at a time.

Anyway, time for bed. We just watched LOST and had chicken my wife made. The tryptophan in the dark meat calmed me a bit as did my workout. Going to try my relaxation program with my ear phones in bed this time.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

The cycle continues

Hi. I know it's not a step all the way back to the beginning, but it's really hard sometimes when I go back and forth like this.

I did recognize a negative thinking pattern today and was able to stop it. I only took meds once today, and that was at about 7:15 am.

I would definitely say today was better than yesterday. I still feel a bit out of it and had some dissociation and depersonalization. The two together provide this -am I really here?- kind of feeling. Anyone know what I mean?

I also noticed my OCD pretty strong today. I can't wait for the weekend. I now know I do not have to work and my (step)mother and brother are visiting us Saturday. This weekend is our "sales blitz" so we are required to sell a minimum of 2 new sales. I did one yesterday and one today. We have to turn them in between the 9th and 11th. My main job is not sales, but I am expected to upsell termite programs. It also pads my paycheck. OK, done with the boring work stuff.

Lastly, I finally made an appointment with my longtime therapist who I have not gone to see since late 2006. This is the woman who helped me through so many old hangups. Before I started seeing her in 1995, I was unable to talk about my mother's death, my first marriage, my father, many things about myself, anxiety, depression, fears, you name it. All I knew was that I needed to talk and that meds alone were not enough. I know I still have many of the lingering symptoms from time-to-time, but she taught me so much. It was just 2 years earlier in 1993 that my first marriage ended. Getting out of that was a neccesity. She drove me nuts sometimes. But I am so far removed from that.

David

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