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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Anxiety and OCD about work

Hello everyone. It's been a while since I have posted. Most likely a year. It's been a tough few months for me because my father died in October of 2008 of complications of pancreatic cancer. He was sick for about 2 months and could not deal with it anymore. He was going through chemo when I think his heart just gave up. He was a very courageous and decent man. The best man I have ever known. I want to be more like him and am striving to become that. I miss my father dearly. I am 42 years old and have never known life without my father. He was just about to turn 74 when he passed. I have a great support system in my wife and her family. My father and my wife had become very close, and she was devastated by his passing. But we are dealing with his loss best we can. Time heels a lot, but it never replaces what is lost. You'd think that would be enough for me to worry about but my Dad would not want us worrying about him.

I do have another problem. Last time I posted it was about changing my job and how no one wanted me to, but it worked out that my wife agreed and it seemed like the right choice, then. But now there are problems with the job.

All was well with the job until right around the time my father became ill. The owner of the company started verbally attacking me. I had heard she does this, but also thought maybe she was kidding. So I decided to let it go. Then my father died and she was as nice as can be... for about 2 weeks. Then she started in and trying to rush me to do my job and in early January, she wrote me up for making a mistake that everyone makes and usually is minor. Let's just say I work in retail and a tag was wrong, but it was minor. So I even let that pass... Then I notice my schedule changing and that I was to work 3 weekends in a row. That lasted for 3 weeks and then it was back to normal. But then there are little things like her picking on the way I perform a task or jumping on me for sitting down while performing a task. What a crime, right? If you don't want me to sit, then take the chair away.

The verbal attacks have become ridiculous because there are times she'll do it just for the sake of doing it. Then the other day, I waltz into work and there's a POST IT note on my time card that said I am not to sit down when performing a task that I can stand to do, and she said that it wastes time and that she needs people who are willing to work. Fine, I'll stand. It's OK, but the problem I have here is lack of respect. Just the day before she had an allergy attack and someone was asked to go to her house with some ice and ginger ale. I helped out with the ice and gave it to the girl going there. And the next day I get that note saying I'm a bad employee??? See the disconnect? This woman is an abuser. There's a site where employees can go to vent about their jobs. I found it doing a google seach about the company. The post says almost exactly what others and myself witness on a daily basis. The post was done by a former employee, but I don't know which one.

So, anyway, that's a sample.I work hard and I have never missed a day for being ill except for when my father died. This woman is just a mean spirited person and wants others to experience hardship.My problem with this whole thing is that it's flared up the OCD that I often have about good, stupid or indifferent stuff.Those of us with anxiety, panic or depressive disorders are a strong yet sensitive group of people and do not need any other source of anxiety in our lives.

I often am afraid to go into work for what is waiting for me that day. I have had the last 2 days off and as the next work day has approached, the OCD has become more intrusive. I used to OCD about dying, being hurt, being sick, even OCD about something good, but for some reason I cannot shake this one all together yet. I really do not know why I am OCDing about this, but it's very uncomfortable. My feelings are hurt. What's the worst she can do, right? Fire me and I'll still be fine. I really do not know why I am so afraid, but I have come to this forum to ask you all for some friendly advice. My wife is so supportive, but she cannot help with the OCD part all day. I remembered the site tonight, but I found it odd that my old password does not work. But it's me, the Wrestler (David).

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Old problem, returns....

I think it's great that you found this group. That's a step in the right direction. I have participated in this forum for a while and just returned today after about a year away.I would often post on here and feel better within hours or days, just for the fact that I was able to vent to a group of people who understand. It makes you feel not so weird. Like tonight. I needed to vent about anxiety/OCD and my job, and I know it helped and I know I will have a better day tomorrow.

I know your situation all too well. I've had relapses with anxiety and depression and the foggy memory, heart pounding, sweating, tingling. It can be a vicious cycle. You're not alone. If only we could all use the energy we use worrying for something far more useful, right?

I treat myself with exercise and a lot of love and fun with my wife. I also eat right and take light meds and a whole lot of natural supplements.

I hope you see better days soon. Just know you're not alone and that many of us relapse just when we think the anxiety, panic or depression was gone forever.

Wrestler.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Old problem, returns....

Hi Cara;

The Wrestler name comes from my being a wrestling fan, and yes, I did wrestle in high school.

This program has often helped me, but what really did was going to a therapist for about 7-8 years.

The natural supplements for anxiety I take are mainly a multi-vitamin and something to balance my seritonin level. I do take other things bu they really don't affect anything.

Sometimes those amino acids can affect your nervous system in certain ways. I do not take certain ones for the fear of reacting to them in a bad way.

I think working through it can usually work, but sometimes you need other resources such as this web site to help you along. I hope you find a lot of success using the site.

Take care,

Wrestler (David)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Anxiety and OCD about work

Thanks for the advice, Ashley. The day went without a hitch. I went to work and no one had anything bad to say to me or about me. I felt very relieved. I often get nervous after having 2 days off because I think they had 2 days to find something I did by accident that was wrong.

I made a gesture today that seemed to also work The owner had given me a clients promo shirt 2 weeks ago because I sweat through my other one. I brought it to work today after washing it and offered it back to her. She said I could keep it. It cost her nothing, but I felt it was a nice thing for me to offer it back to her.

Having OCD definitely makes things worse sometimes. At times of heightened OCD, it is often much harder to rationalize daily events that don't always go your way.

My wife asked if everything I had worried about the last 2 days was just in my head. I told her yes, with a smile and chuckle.

But on any given day the job can still throw me a wicked curve. Not everyone at my job is an angel, but they also are not totally ruthless either, though the owner often acts as such. She's one of those who is very unpredictable.

What I did this morning I feel prepped me for today. I am into bodybuilding and am also a personal trainer on the side. Today was my day to do biceps. I went at it as hard as I could and did nearly every set of repetitions to the point of failure for an hour. I feel this helped me release a lot of unnecessary stress. I also wore my Dad's sneakers today. My mother had given me them several days after he passed away. At first when I would wear them, I would feel sad. I have managed to now garner the strength that he had while wearing them. He was a very strong person, and just wearing his shoes is a gift. I'd rather have my Dad still here, but that cannot happen, but now I can take a bit of him with me wherever I go

Thank you for the response. I know not every day will be easy, but I am glad this day is behind me.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Sugar Substitutes

Stevia is awesome. We use it in our tea instead of honey.

Splenda is being marketed as healthy for you but it is anything but.

You can even try Xylitol. It's also a natural product.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Stressful week

Hello everyone. Been a while since I have been here.

A situation developed this week where a former employer of mine is appealing unemployment benefits I received for about 3 weeks in August.

That's right, this is money I already received and now the nasty woman who I used to be an employee of is trying to get it back. It amounts to about 700-800 dollars only.

I was let go in August after a series of events, the main issue being her denying me a vacation I had earned, but when I asked for the time off, she said I do not get a paid vacation until I am there for 2 years.

Up until this point there had been other issues with anything from out right verbal abuse, to favoritism of other employees, to her treating me like gold the first 6 months of my tenure there, etc. You know how some employers can be.

When my vacation was refused, I showed her the memo that stated employees get 1-week vacation after being there for 1 year. My 1 year anniversary was March 13, 2009. I asked for the vacation in June 2009. She said she never signed it and fired the person (former manager) who wrote and approved it. I also expected the current manager to back me up, but she acted dumb and used the same excuse the owner did and blamed the former manager, thus stabbing me in the back, the 1st time.

So, after the vacation request was denied, the owner asked to keep the memo. I said no. She wondered why, and I said I want to keep it, and I did.

Later that day, the manager pulled me aside and said she was sorry and that there was nothing she could do and that the owner was told by her husband that the vacations would not be honored, even after the memo was sent out on April 30, 2008. This is highly illegal, but Florida does not have fair employee standards. The manager asked that I not tell anyone what she told me.

Soon after, my hours began top be cut. I asked why and the owner said it's because the store was $12,000 short from last year and other people's hours would be cut. This did not happen.

My hours were then cut to about 20 hours a week from the usual 38-40.

Finally, I was fired on August 10, since she knew I would not quit until I found something else and she also knew I had been looking elsewhere. So I filed my unemployment claim and started receiving money (small amounts, of course)

I found a new job and started it August 28. This was helped by receiving a good reference from the current manager (yes, the one who stabbed me in the back)

I thought everything was over and I could leave this behind me. But then came the letter last week where the owner filed an appeal of the funds I had received. A phone hearing was set up for Oct 12 at 1:45 p.m. I tried to get it rescheduled to later in the day so I would not be at work. They would not help.

The hearing happened and I was under the impression that it was a dispute over dates of termination. But it was about trying to get my money back. I bombed during the hearing. I was shocked that the same manager who gave me a good reference was on the phone with the owner and the moderator/referee. I was in total shock. She stabbed me in the back again. I guess money is more important to her than morals and decency.

The lies started and I just got stuck and had trouble saying anything, and the moderator was not acting fairly. The call ended and I had to get to my next customer. When I got home, I faxed a letter stating my dispute to the moderator and how it was unfair why I could not have the hearing scheduled when I was not at work. I was informed in the letter I received before the hearing that if I did not answer the call, a decision would be made without my testimony.

I don't fully understand why I acted like a deer in the headlights, but I did. I choked.

Now I await the decision, and if I lose, I have already started my appeal, which I do get, because I called a lawyer today and he said I do get an appeal. I have a lot of information on this nasty business owner.

This whole charade is nothing more than the owner holding a grudge against me for standing up for myself.

It has caused me a great deal of stress. Stress that I don't need. My OCD is running high right now and it feels like I have a black cloud above my head a lot of the time.

Anyway, I have vented and it feels better. I don't want to have to keep stressing my wife out about this. Once I told her what they did, she got really upset and wanted to go down to the woman's place of business and let her have it. But I would not let her. She has behave because she's a teacher.

I must say though that I have a very good job now. It's one where I get home the same time as my wife and we have FULL weekends together. The other place I worked, weekends were made for working.

Thanks to those who read.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Stressful week

Thanks to both of you for the support. And thanks for the nice comments about my wife. She is everything I could ever have dreamed of when I would think about what kind of woman I would like to spend my life with.

I also agree, that yes, except for this current issue I am doing great.

I have had this issue rolling around my brain since Monday afternoon. It's very upsetting and humiliating, and it's totally ridiculous that I had to endure the reduced hours, second class citizen status while I was at that job for the last 2 months and now have this situation intrude into my happy life.

Thinking back to Monday, I should have told the referee of this hearing that this was totally unfair and I am ending this hearing now. They did not give me a fair hearing. I was at work at 1:45 p.m. and was forced to listen to two liars bash me and my employment history at that store. I was treated pretty well up until the time I fought back about the promised vacation time. But the owner felt that I was not worthy enough of the vacation time so she denied it. But I do know that one employee there who kisses butt has gotten 2 weeks paid vacation in the same time I got none. I don't kiss butt. I will be nice to a boss, but they have to respect the fact that I am doing great work for them and trying my hardest.

There has got to be some law where I can nail this woman. I am not the first one she has done bad things to, just the latest.

My wife dreamed last night that she went down to the store and got in her face.

But the answer that keeps coming back to me is how the manager of the store gave me a great reference to my current employer, gave me a follow up call to say how glad she was that I got the job. Then goes and bashes me over the phone under oath to a member of the court of unemployment appeals about money I rightly received because her boss wrongly terminated me over a grudge and the fact that she has no soul. The answer is I am hurt. Even though I know the manager is as two faced as can be, it does still hurt because I felt she really cared for what is right instead of just bowing at the altar of the all might dollar.

Thanks again,

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Stressful week

Just wanted to let you know that I won the appeal. I got the letter Friday. I was so happy and relieved, I actually started crying. I was shaking as I opened and read the letter.

I had other feelings over the weekend like exhaustion and a bit of anxiety and grumpiness, but I know things like that happened following a stressful time, even when you get good news.

The nasty owner does get another appeal, but I think it is a pretty safe bet she might not even file one, and if she does I don't see a change.

I think this might be what I got her on.

The letter I mentioned where it promised a week's paid vacation: I brought that up in the hearing and she acted like I was complaining about the contents of the letter, and said, once again, that she never signed it. Like when she lied to my face and denied me my vacation. But what I was mentioned it again for was to show that is why she started cutting my hours. I guess I was so nervous during the hearing that I never realized, until Friday, that it was a great idea I trapped her with that, because she never denied she cut my hours for that.

It also might not have had anything to do with the decision at all. The letter simply said my case was more credible than hers.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Stressful week

My outlook is about the same, but with a much more eased mind. I felt like I got a little justice. I felt relieved. I have had a nice time getting to know my new job and the people I work with, and in one phone call, the nastiness of the place I used to work all came back at once. It was behind me, but then reared it's ugly head, again.

I had a bad week. And the money was hardly the issue. The issue was that this horrible person was still trying to control my actions and was allowed to do so because of loopholes in the unemployment system.

I could just write this off and call it a misunderstanding, but I know of so many others who were also wronged by her long before I worked there. It happens when you work for a retail business that there's a lot of turnover.

But anyway, I am happy that part is over. She could still appeal again, which is also so wrong. But I am not sure she will. She has 20 days. A lawyer I spoke to told me it's rare that another appeal wins.

Hopefully she will just stay in her little word where everyone says yes. One of the reasons (just one) she turned on me was because I am not a yes man.Yes men are constantly selling out.

I do work hard and will give the deserving employer every bit of effort I have, but I do not kiss butt.

Thanks again for all the nice words and I hope I did not run on too much.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Stressful week

I actually celebrated by crying when I read the letter from the referee. It was a great release. Then, a few minutes later, I realized that owner can appeal again, but with a 3 judge panel. But I spoke to a lawyer's aid who said the odds are definitely in my favor if she even appeals. It's very possible she wont. This was actually her 2nd loss. The 1st loss was when I was awarded unemployment benefits after she let me go. So in her 2nd appeal she was actually trying to change the reason I was let go into misconduct. That did not work either.

My wife keeps telling me I gave her too much credit and that she's not as smart as I think she was.

She has 20 days to appeal. I really hope she does not because last week was very stressful.

You asked what I learned. I think I learned that money will cause people to do all sorts of things: Sell out; stab others in the back, and I also learned I need to not take things so seriously.The manager who was always two faced was only doing what she always does: Following the highest bidder. Yes, she did give me a good reference to my new job a few weeks ago, but to turn around and be there for that hearing shows she has no character at all, and I need not associate with people like that.

I also deleted another person that still works at that store from my facebook friends. But I did keep a note she sent me where she said she was not in on the scheme along with the owner. I could use it some day should I need to.

I took this very seriously and I let the fact that I have OCD get the better of me. I obsessed about it from Monday evening to Friday when I got home and read the letter.

Thanks again,

David

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