EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Members List
Member View
Posts created by Wrestler2

Advanced Search Form

Members List
Moderation Team
Member View
Posts created by Wrestler2

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Stressful week

About taking it less seriously, I probably would have been able to control my emotions and panic and not have been so hard on myself.

I think back to the phone hearing and all I remembered right after was that I felt a huge amount of anger. The anger was mainly about having to go through that, and some of it was also anger at the manager, who proved herself again to be 2-faced, but I was also angry at myself.

See, I always try to talk a tough game, but when I was put up against this situation and having to face my former boss (via phone) who was trying to take money away from me, I clammed up and could not fire back more at her as much as I would have liked to. I did fire back and nail her with the vacation memo, but that was really all. I am not good in pressure situation.

But when I started to remember more of the hearing, I realized that I did nail her pretty good without even getting into the mud that she was slinging. All she and the manager could do was try to paint me as a poor employee who made errors. Gee, errors, go figure. How human. I nailed her with truth while she tried to nail me with her stretched version of the truth, backed up by her henchwoman. I realized I am not a mud slinger. I am a decent person just like my father was. Yesterday was actually one year to the day since he died. Cannot believe it's been a year already.

My wife is a school teacher and she knows a teacher at her school who lives in my boss's neighborhood. She said she is a real jerk in the community.

After all this, I also realize that there have been many before me who she either fired or they quit. I can rest easy knowing that though she did fire me, she never got me to quit. Which is what I feel she wanted. I was looking for a new job all the while as she played with my hours, but I held strong and hardly acknowledged any of her games. It's a strange world when someone feels they have to try and make others feel bad so they can feel good.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Panicked today while making breakfast

A little panic attack;

I had been sick the past 2 days and feeling a little better each day. Just a cold.

So this afternoon I was cooking for my wife and myself and was readying the plates, and all of a sudden, I got confused about whether I should switch to larger plates and how to do so. It was weird.

I had been taking a little less of my meds the last 2 months and with the stress I mentioned in my other post, my cold, and the fact that yesterday would have been my father's 75th birthday, I think it all added up. My father passed away October 22, 2008, and we had visited my mother yesterday to spend the day with her because of what day it was.

So today, I suddenly became panicky and confused and walked into our computer room and asked my wife to help. So I hugged her for a bit and then took half of a Valium. It went away in a few minutes. But it was scary.

I just needed to share because this was unusual. But I am going to start taking the correct amount, which is only a half more the the Triavil. I only take the Valium when needed. I take mostly natural things.

I had also developed several ticks lately. Typical coughing and sniffling. It's funny how it ceased today after I took the correct amount of what I take at bedtime last evening.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

OCD ritual cycle

I am in the middle of a cycle now where rituals/OCD habits are becomming annoying.

I am sure many of you know the little voice inside your head that says if you don't do something a certain way, something bad will happen. or, if you don't do something a certain way, something good won't happen. I really hate it.

It's not the deal where you don't want to step on cracks or have to count things a certain amount of times. I grew out of those years ago. The repetitiveness I have now is where if I am doing something during my job, if I don't do it better, or if I don't check something before I am done, I am afraid something bad will happen. It's very annoying.

I also had a serious sinus infection about 2 weeks ago and I have now developed a sniffing habit because my right nostril is still a bit clogged and my nose is on auto pilot to try and clear it.

Does anyone have similar experiences? I have had trouble like this in the past, but as an adult it can become a big waste of time.

Anyway, I just wanted to pose this question in hopes that it might help me release some of this.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

The Last Resort

Hi;

I've had anxiety and panic problems since I was a kid. I am now 43. I still have certain things that bother me and I am always afraid of something bad happening, so I know where you're at right now.

I have been on several medications since 1985, some worked and some did not.

Going back to 2002, I was on prozac and triavil. I slowly got off the prozac with the help of a natural supplement called 5-HTP. Prozac made me sluggish and too sleepy even during the day.

That seemed to do the trick and I was officially off the prozac. It made me feel like a zombie. I am now on a combo of many different vitamins, the triavil, occasional use of diazepam and lot's of exercise.

I bring all this up because I was wondering if you've tried some sort of an exercise program to help assist any meds you might take to help fight off any of the stresses that trigger your anxieties and panic? It's not a perfect fix, but exercise has greatly improved my quality of life. I am on less meds and feel beter physically.

I also spent a lot of years seeing a psychotherapist to work on any problems I may have had in my childhood that were still a problem in my adult years.

I hope some of this helps you.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

OCD ritual cycle

Some of the strategies I used long ago for this were to just do whatever I was going to do without worrying if something bad might happen if I did not do it. And nothing bad did ever happen if I did not do follow the ritual.

I tried that a bit today. I was following the line of thinking and then I said to myself, maybe In should think something good might happen instead, and it takes the pressure off a bit.

When I said long ago I meant early 1980's. That's when I used to just ignore what I was thinking and just did whatever it was I was going to do without thinking or I would do the opposite and ignore my silly urge to follow a pattern.

It was your suggestion about strategies that jogged my memory to think back to what I used to do to avoid being trapped in OCD.

So today, I did a bit of thinking something good might happen whatever I do. That way it puts a more positive thought into the equation instead of contant negative thoughts. Because the negative thoughts are really the root of the problem. If I continuously think something bad might happen if I don't do something a certain way, there's never a thought of something good. But now there is.

I hope this makes sense. :-)

On to the specific fears you asked about: The fears were things like losing my job, getting into an accident, becoming ill, some unknown bad news, etc.

Thanks

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Anxiety attack at restaurant

Was out with my wife and friends yesterday. I had been having anxiety for a few weeks, most likely related to SAD. it's pretty harsh this year.

So I am sitting there and we were all talking and then I felt a rush of anxiety almost like a jolt to my head. It came on really strong and I felt dizzy and scared. I felt embarrassed in front of our friends, but I don't think they noticed. My wife did and reached for my hand to help me relax.

This was a weird one. I remember a similar experience several years ago when I began taking prozac again at a higher dose. Felt like someone jolted me in the back of the head. This happened at work.

This latest one was in addition to other small ones I have had since SAD started to affect me a few weeks ago.

I know I will pull out of this and I am doing everything I can. I am exercising at the same rate and then some. I had 7 days off during winter break with my wife. 4 days one weekend and 3 days the next. This is just a reality that happens some winters. last winter the shock of my father dying probably prevented SAD from effecting me as much.

This episode has also brought me periods of depersonalization. I'll be doing something and all of a sudden the feeling hits me and sometimes effects me for a few minutes after.

Not sure how some people are affected by SAD, but it causes me to feel confused, tired, and very irritable.

OK, I have vented and I welcome any experiences others have had with any of these things I have mentioned.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Anxiety attack at restaurant

Yesterday was a scary day. After having a lovely weekend with my wife as we went to St. Augustine, we visited my mother and watched the Season finale (last years) of LOST. We caught her up with the DVD's.

Sunday, we had a nice day together, my wife and myself and I also watched football.

Then the usual Sunday blues set in. I also noticed the weather was going to be bad overnight and into the morning. As I woke up, the news channel had minute-by-minute updates of severe weather across Florida, and I was going to be driving right through it. I was already scared and then I had to drive to work. I have always appreciated a good thunderstorm, but have also been scared of them for as long as I can remember,

On the way to work, I was talking with my wife and then we had to hang p because she arrived at her job. I was then alone in my car. I had already taken 1/2 of a diazepam. as I got to work, it was pouring. I ran across the parking lot to the office and was OK, but then I became even more panicky as if I would lose control. I felt scared, angry, sad and even a little like I would lose control or even like I was in danger. All classic signs of panic.

Later that day, I experienced a little depersonalization. It's reallty weird how it comes on. I will be OK and then I start to think too much while I am driving between stops at work, and then I feel outside myself and become confused. This is nothing new as these feelings have come and gone since I was very young. I've always overcome it.

I ended up taking diazepam 3 times at a half a pill each. half is 2.5 mg. My doctor has me prescribed to take 1-2 tablets daily when needed. I have not taken the full dose in many months.

I think a lot of this is brought on by SAD, but some is also from OCD, which my be worse because of SAD. I wonder which one guides the other?

Anyway, this has lifted a great weight off of me. I have wanted to post for days, but now I finally did and feel a bit better for doing so.

I just want this panic cycle to stop and become stable. I know it takes time, but maybe by posting here and also using the diary on the site will be a good start to getting it under control.

By the way, how can I access diary entries I have posted?

Thanks to all who listen and post.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Anxiety attack at restaurant

OK, just remembered another instance that happened last weekend that is part of this panic cycle. I was watching football (Colts-Ravens) and I watched a play happen and a feeling of unreality happened as if it wasn't real or I wasn't watching it. Hard to explain.

Then there are the times I become confused when I am doing something and forget what I was going to do and this generates a panic action.

OK, done for the night,

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Anxiety attack at restaurant

I had a much better day today. I got up scared to go to work, but the fear soon left once I was up with my wife and on my way. During work, I had very little anxiety and only experienced a few moments of depersonalization. I was in a bit of a daze which can also feel like depersonalization, but it's really just that I was concentrated on my work and was trying not to think too much about my anxiety symptoms..

There were no panic attacks today. That is the most important thing. If I can get the panic under control, everything else improves. That has always been my history.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Anxiety attack at restaurant

Thanks for the reply.

On ignoring the these feelings, it's difficult sometimes. When I am panic free I rarely experience depersonalization. But I have to be panic free for a few days or even weeks to feel fully at ease and then the confusion and depersonalization (kind of the same for me) dissipates and I don't really even think about it.

The last couple of months I have felt myself slip ever so slightly into a depression mode. It's typical for this time of year for myself. But this year it has hit me harder than in the very recent years. Nothing is new about anything I am experiencing, but when one is experiencing these kinds of symptoms, it feels like forever until you feel good and all you want to do is just feel good.

The very fact that I am talking about this means I am focusing on it. Isn't it awesome when we feel good and we don't have to focus on feeling depressed or anxious?

For example, I worked out tonight, but ran short on energy 2/3 of the way through. But I finished the workout.

Depersonalization is a weird thing. I first experienced it in my teens and several times since.

But the main thing for me is to get past this panic. As with any time I am going through something like this, it's lovely to have this group to turn to.

Got to go for now. I am making dinner for my wife and myself,

David

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved