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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Do you need a holiday?

Hey everyone...

Well I definately need a holiday.. and can't wait to get away. We're off the last week of July...not very far this year but at a lake with the kids...and no cel phones, computers or stress.. and quiet time with the hubby. He works a lot so that I have the privilege to stay home so I am most excited about having him around to enjoy...

I always find I come back refreshed and with a regained sense of how important living and appreciating being in the moment is.

As for everything else... I have had a VERY rough two weeks... Sicker than sick...and as a result feeling a bit punky. I always feel as if my meds don't really work when I'm sick... not sure if anyone else feels like this... I know it will pass though but I sure wish it would hurry up...

:)DM

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

relapse

Hi Cadenmccallum...

Sounds like you're having a bit of rough go right now.. I can completely relate (as I know most of us on here can :) ).

I can only speak from my own experience but I think your surgery is playing a large role in your "relapse"... When I had my last child I had an emergency C-Section and all the medications etc. that are given to you to put you out etc. can wreak havoc on your body and take quite some time to come out of your system.. It hasn't been very long for you and surgery is a big deal ... no matter how "uncomplicated" it may have been. Our bodies tend to focus all it's energy on what needs to be healed and everything else is left a bit out of sync. I'm sure as time passes and your healing takes place and your body restores itself you'll begin to feel a bit better. Right now you need to take all that you learned to be successful with your CBT previously and try to apply it best you can. It's hard to accept though when we've been successful and think it's gone... a setback can be a bit of a "piss off".. and when you're already a bit out of sorts it can be daunting to have all the awful feelings and thoughts back...

You can do this Caden.. You've proven that already... Just be patient with yourself...

DM...

PS... I've been dealing with a bit of a relapse myself and feel very frustrated at times because you're right it is a "nightmare"... but it can be beaten and we can do this... all of us can.. We just have to keep the faith..and a bit of humor... You are OK though! and definately NOT alone :)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Really rough time right now

Hi Jen...

CD summed it up... You are very brave to write it down as I know most people at one time or another have thought that... but us with anxiety.. .our thoughts just go "haywire"... and I like you get anxiety about having thought thoughts... if that makes any sense. lol...

I've too have had that thought...and like you it is something I would never do... I'm terrified of dying... which is what I think is so ironic... and tells me that it is the panic kicking in. It finds our greatest fears and plays on them... to the extreme unfortunately. You're not alone Jen.. in fact there are more like us than not. I can relate to all that your are saying and can tell you that things do get better and that there is hope and successes. You just need to be patient with yourself and try your best to challenge your thoughts.. much easier said than done.. I know.

It sounds like your medication may be wreaking a little havoc too while your changing doses. For myself (I'm on Paxil) changing my doses can be a bit tricky and takes some time to adjust. At the beginning 20 mg was WAY TO HIGH!! and I was sick..lost weight and my anxiety was crazy wild... and for ages 15 mg was my perfect dose... years actually... And then much to my chagrin.. this past year after my second baby I've had a heck of journey trying to find a balance again... ugh... but slowly but surely things have gotten better...I'm actually taking 20mg now and have not had any of the issues I did years ago.. probably because I'm older and fatter...kidding... well sorta.. lol...

You're not crazy though and you definately don't need to be committed!! It's scary to feel like that but I assure you I have felt all that you have... Thoughts can be scary but they are just thoughts and the fact that your know they are irrational is what makes you sane :).

Be sure you are talking to people about your ups and downs and keep the lines of communication open with your doctor... I myself and still on the hunt for a therapist or support group just to better prepare myself in case a relapse happens again... as it was a real eye opener for me...

Big hugs to you.. and be sure to keep us posted... I have found this site to be so helpful.. Just keep posting and someone will always let you know that you're in good company and not alone.

Take care

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Myth or Fact?

Hi everyone

I too think sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I have such high expectations of myself and demand nothing but the best..(I have been working on this though.. lol) and find sometimes I just take on so much that my bodies way of telling me it's too much is through this "disorder"..

So Minn.. I get what you're saying... Maybe I bring it on in my behaviours... but then other times I think it has nothing to do with me.. and it just comes out of left field...

You've been successful before though and you are sharing so many wonderful stories now that you're heading down that same path again..

Way to go!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

exposure practice this week

Good luck Minn.. . I look forward to reading another great story...

I personally love the library and find solace among all the books :) It's a great place to get lost in thoughts other than your own.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Exposure !!

Hi CD

I think this is a definate success story ... and not just one success but many. Look at all the things that you did... now whether or not you were running away.. (or just getting away which is perfectly acceptable) you had to face a bunch of challenges along the way and you did.. Way to go girl!!

As for your hubby.. I can't even imagine what that would be like but can only think he's lucky to have you.. You have got to be one of the most supportive people on here so I'm sure you're like that to all involved in your life...You've got your hands full with kiddies, yourself, daily life and a hubby with depression.. You are a trooper and the support you are still able to dole out to all of us is commendable.. I appreciate your kind words all the time and they have often made my day.

Hold your head high.. you're doing an amazing job... and I can't wait to read about more successes!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Challenging Social Anxiety

Good for you JohnnyO.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Weekend Prep.

Funny... I wish I could leave the dishes etc. That gives me huge anxiety and can totally ruin my mood. I may think I'm ok when we first head out... and then when we're coming home all I can think about is all I have to do...and then when we get home I "cranky" and barely stop to take off my coat before I go into "cleaning mode"....

My husband would eat his socks (I know.. stupid but all I could think of..lol) if I could somehow learn to let go and just "LIVE IN THE MOMENT"... and the rest would fall into place.

I'm consciously working on this though and looking for a healthy balance... another reminder why I should stop procrastinating and start therapy... OCD brain is hard to beat in a battle...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

No need to read, just doing some major venting...

Hi Diva...

I haven't been on much lately and just read your post now. The people on here are so amazing I must say and the support and encouragement is phenomenal.

First I'd like to say that I NEVER find your posts depressing or negative. I often find you say a lot of what I'm thinking and I can relate to so much. I also appreciate all the supportive posts you've shared with all of us. Inspiring and helpful... always. Although I've never had an issue with depression per say... I do have moments of extreme disappointment when a relapse of my anxiety or ocd rears its ugly head. Those moments can be quite dark and I think I can take from those when I say that I understand somewhat.

I too am sorry to hear you are having a rough go at it with your hubby. I have been married almost 11 years ... Now, very happily but we jumped a few hurdles and scraped a few knees to get where we are. I think counselling is an excellent choice. Knowing you have given it your all and done all that you can will allow you to make a decision without any regrets.

Marriage is hardwork BUT it does take two people to do the work. That's excellent news that he is willing to go to counselling as having an unbiased 3rd party to help with communication is a real eye opener. They ensure that you listen and hear eachother... something that sometimes doesn't happen at home.

As for the gaming, my hubby doesn't do it so I can't relate but it would drive me insane.. I do know that.lol...

You are a strong and amazing woman and when you are ready to make a decision you will... You need to love with your heart but decide with your mind... sometimes love isn't enough and that's ok. Sometimes though it's love that makes us work through the challenges and create a relationship that is balanced and equal.. something you deserve. You deserve to be cherished and respected... as does he....

It will be what it is... and you will be that much richer for having lived the experience no matter what the outcome.

Take care Diva and please keep posting. You're a true inspiration.

PS.. and you're right..this too shall pass!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

summer storms are here

Hi Minn

Lol... anxiety is a waste of energy.. all that build up and then nothing...ugh. Way to go today though. You are doing such an amazing job at challenging your thoughts.

I walked to the library tonite too... (great minds think alike) and spent a couple of hours browsing... I love that... Then I walked to the grocery store and browsed there too... ha ha! Just glad to be out of the house on my own. My daughter just left for summer camp (7 days) and I miss her already. My 2 year old little guy is early to bed as is my hubby so I knew I didn't want to sit in silence.. or watch cheezy TV tonite...

Glad I did it..plus it gave me a chance to challenge some thoughts of my own on the way.

Keep it up Minn... With or without your neighbour you're successful... I am sad to hear he moved because of a family dispute though.. ick...

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