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Posts created by Kristine82

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Closet smoking and relapsing

I was a closet smoker for months after my last failed quit. (Or so I thought -- I think everyone around me knew and they were just humoring me to be nice.) I was also a closet smoker at work. It was just awful. The scurrying around, making excuses for why I just disappeared for ten minutes, trying desperately to wash my hands and eat a mint before I saw anyone. Not a lifestyle I'm in a hurry to go back to.

I've done it both ways and in my experience it doesn't really matter whether you tell people or not. This is a battle you have to fight -- if it makes you feel better to have to be accountable to others, then go for it, just know that in those crappy dark moments when you're dying to smoke, it's still going to be you versus yourself. I noticed you commented on the junkie thinking thread. I just about memorized that thing. I think of it every time I have a killer craving (way less often now, but they happen) and it reminds me that my addicted brain is lying to me.

You sound really motivated which is a good thing. YOU CAN DO IT!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

How to deal with first thing in the morning cravings?

RE: the grinder, I got a basic Krups one at Target for twenty bucks or so. It is not the fanciest available but it works fine! I also put Vietnamese cinnamon in my grounds (yum). Having a delicious cup right now while warm in my office instead of shivering outside!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

How to deal with anxiety?

Sorry I keep replying to everything you post like some kind of annoying know-it-all! I'm really not, I think I'm just getting to a phase in quitting where it's super-helpful to me to share with others. :) Exercise has been my saving grace since quitting. It is the only surefire way for me to relax now, and I have been doing something or other every single day to chill myself out after work, to the extent that I have actually lost a bunch of weight instead of putting on the usual snacking pounds. (Which, side note, is really nice, because although people cannot see that I have quit smoking, they can see how fit I am getting and when they comment on that, I know what they are really complimenting me on is not smoking!)

Years ago I busted an ankle and took up lap swimming, which I cannot say enough good things about. Have you tried it? It is really healing when you have an injury and extremely relaxing, and they even make waterproof MP3 players now. Most gyms also have a sauna that you can sit in with a magazine afterward for the ultimate calming experience.

But of course there are all kinds of anxiety-inducing situations in which exercising right then and there is not an option. Folks on here will tell you that in those situations you have to remind yourself that smoking will not do anything to calm you down and will actually make you more tense, both by physically upping your heart rate and by making you mad at yourself.

Also, you are still SO early in quitting. It is likely that what you are feeling will pass in a few days, although I know how endless that time can seem. Just remind yourself that you are getting better and stronger every single day. :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Nice to hear

I went on my first run in god knows how long on day five of no smoking just to have something to do, and now that it has been a couple of months and I've stuck with it, I decided I could invest in real running shoes instead of these stupid tennies I've been jogging in (hello, ankle pain). At the running store, I was telling the salesgirl that I took up running after quitting smoking . . . and it turns out she did too! Two years ago she quit after doing a pack a day for a decade, and she has already run two marathons in 2013. I just thought that was so encouraging, that even after all that abuse your body can still make a comeback and be awesome. My goal for today is to do five miles (and then reward myself with a burger and fries). :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Monday Morning Stats Parade - 28 October 2013

I quit on August 28, so today is two months exactly! Hard to believe I would have spent $500 by now on smokes. Over the weekend I bought real running shoes -- they're expensive, but not nearly as expensive as smoking!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Ugh! Another one of these

I've been having relapse dreams as well. In a weird way they're like an education, because in them I smoke a cigarette and only remember that I have quit as I am stubbing it out. And then I cry and cry because I let all this hard work go to waste, and I wake up remembering that awful feeling and feel even more resolved.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

A note on the stress excuse

This is SO TRUE! That's actually what I remember most from the last, almost year-long quit I had: how calm I felt all the time. Things that would have sent me into a tailspin while I was smoking seemed way more manageable. The feeling of calm is starting to kick in for me now as well. I'm actually also having an awful workday (maybe it's in the water?) and I can taste the fuzziness my mouth would have right now if I'd been smoking my way through it like I used to. Smoking never actually calmed me down. I think I just thought it did because I confused the satisfaction of getting my fix with real calm. If I were still smoking today, I'd be more, not less, stressed, plus I would have gotten less done and done a worse job with the things I did do, meaning I'd start the day tomorrow with even more stress. And then dive into even more smoking. And just keep the cycle going.

I have heard it said that women are especially vulnerable to stress-smoking. I believe it, because I think most women try to do a billion different things at once and be the best at all of them. It's natural to want some kind of outlet from all of that. But smoking isn't an outlet, it's a contributor in disguise.

Anyway, thanks for this post. Exactly what I was thinking this afternoon. I'm going to polish off this ridiculous workday and then just enjoy watching TV and cooking a nice dinner with a good glass of wine. :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

9 days smoke free! Ready to give in

Nine days is AMAZING. Sooner than you think, you are going to start feeling really fantastic as a result of not smoking. Just hang in there and remember that in order to quit, you have to do that first couple of weeks sometime -- you're almost through it now, might as well stay the course and have it over with! It really does get so much better and if you can make it through the nine hardest days you can definitely make it through nine more.

For me it got significantly easier by two weeks. I still had cravings but I felt like I could control them instead of them controlling me. Now I'm at two months or so and when a craving hit me yesterday evening, I realized it was the first time I had thought about smoking ALL WEEKEND. There is a light at the end of this tunnel! I promise!

In the meantime, be sure to treat yourself well. Buy yourself little presents, have a fancy glass of wine to relax, etcetera. You deserve it!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

"Nothing will ever be fun again"

When I first quit smoking the hardest thing for me was the idea of never smoking again. I just couldn't imagine life without cigarettes; I kept feeling like nothing would ever truly be fun again without them. People would say to take it one day at a time, but my brain just kept skipping ahead to anything and everything I might look forward to and all of it sounded miserable and dull. It really made me feel helpless about the whole enterprise but I powered through because I didn't want to let my husband down.

I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened, but I realized last night that at some point that feeling went away. It was a nice cool night and my friend and I were sitting on her porch drinking red wine, which is, I'm pretty sure, the platonic ideal of a great time to smoke, and it did occur to me that it would have been pleasant to have a cigarette, but then I thought about everything I was enjoying that a cigarette would have ruined: the nice fall smell on the air, being able to sit bundled up and cozy instead of jumping all over the place, tasting all the nuances of the wine.

I do still miss smoking in a weird irrational way but now I just wish there was some magic way to smoke and still feel as good as I feel from all this working out and breathing deeply and sleeping better. And since I know there isn't, I know I'm going to choose all those other pleasures over the one pleasure of getting a nicotine fix.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

today i quit smoking

YOU CAN DO IT! The biggest obstacle for me was thinking it was impossible. Now I can't believe I waited so long. Stay strong and it will get easier quickly!

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