Hey Cammy,
Well I never had a brain infection or anything like that. But you are right about saying none of us asked for this. I have no idea why in my family I am the one who has these types of problems. Is it all my fault and in my head? ISn't that a weird question, is it all in my head? Where else would it be? My brain is in my head, so part of my depression comes from there lol. It is certainely not in my feet! Ok, but I digress... What I am trying to say, is I don't know why I am the one with the anxiety and mood disorders. Thee are definitely tendencies in both sides of my family but why did the worse of it all fall on me? Is it my personnality, am I defective, lazy, scareddy-cat, whiny? Who knows. And at this point in my life I really have stopped caring why it happened to me. I didn't ask for it but it happened to me. I am the one who got really sick. I did not ask for it but one day I just had to ask, ok, well now that it did happen to me, what am I going to do about it?
As for being angry, I get it, I went through that too. I think we all at one point go through that. I felt angry it happened to me. I felt angry that it robbed me of the success, joy, happiness that others had in their life. I felt angry that it robbed me of sooo many good years of my life. I was angry that I felt so angry and worthless. But eventually I had to come to terms with this and use the energy I spent on anger to fuel my own recovery. Acceptance was one of the first steps to recovery for me.
But I remember sitting there, living in a big black pit of despair. I remember when just breathing was a huge task in my day. I remember wondering why the pain and suffering of it all didn't just kill me. I remember feeling like all my efforts were for naught...But they were not!
It took me a long time to get to where I am. And I still have a way to go. But the efforts paid off! I tried and tried and tried and eventually I found things that worked for me. And then little improvements appeared in my life, then more....I got better.
Now, at the moment, I am in a bit of a slump. I overdid things last year and got too tired and such. But my life now is still soooooo much better then it was. And I know that I will find ways to get even better.
And hey, if I can do it anyone can. There is absolutely nothing special about me at all!
All of this to say, I may not have gotten sick and I may not have as much "biological" reasons to my depression. But I do get how it feels to feel like you are in pitch darkness and nothing will ever improve. I know how it feels to think tomorrow is too much to bear. It can get better. It does! So hang in there! I know it is hard, I agree it is. But it gets better. I wish I could give you a bit of that, a bit of the belief I hold within myself that it really can get better.
I hope you find that for yourself, your hope. In the meantime, we are here for you, We are here to try and understand you. We are here to try and share our experience and share what worked for us, to cheer you on and support you. So hang in there, work the program, vent and vent away with us. This too shall pass!
ESPECIALLY with the princess diva I have (no offence ot the forum's Diva please). 
