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My feelings today


15 years ago 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
cammy,
 
Do continue talking to your preacher and contact another health care professional to help guide you and assist you in sorting these feelings and emotions. If you are suicidal, the support group is unable to assist you as we are not trained and professional assistance is what is needed.
 
The members are here to help support and share their experiences.  Ask questions and look through the knowledge to assist you.

 
Josie, Health Educator
15 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Well,  I learned a lot.  Learned that I was on the right ideological thoughts but could not "see the picture" to be able to put something into action.  Sales  I was not a "born sales guy"!!  Anyways, what I thought was wrong is wrong!, I just didn't know how to put into action a game plan.  It will take some work, but with some help and not a lot of effort or cost, I should be able to have something that is workable.  It gives me some encouragement knowing I was not wrong with my thinking, I just did not know how to act on what I thought was right.  Hoping I can have my plan in action by next week!  its one step.
15 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
So today I have to get out for some appts and things.  Actually, despite having not slept well last night, and being so *&^%$#@cold outside,  I dont feel "negative" ,   just more neutral.  I did however have a phone call from a business assoc I have been wanting to talk to,  going to have a coffee with her later.  She has some ideas on how to build my business better.  I have put so much into this business I dont want to quit.  I have been "running" from one thing to another for years.  I have to stop "running".
15 years ago 0 910 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Cammy,

I am sorry to hear you are having trouble sleeping. As an insomniac myself, I totally get how that can really affect your mood! Glad to see you are eating well though.

As for the puzzle in your head, eventually you will have enough pieces to figure it all out. 

I am glad that your faith in God is helping you through!

Hang in there,

15 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I'm eating ok but sleep is not the best.  There is just so much stress around here, not being able to pay bills etc and kids being difficult at times.   I spoke to my preacher today.  She talked about me making a "pact" with my wife if I feel suicidal.,  heck,  I have felt suicidal from 8 months after being sick way back when.  There are no guarantees anymore.  All I can do is hope I can avoid doing something.  I pray that I have the strength to carry on to the next day,  sometimes I wonder if I have that strength anymore.  Sometimes it would be easier for me to just "exit" now, but then it would be psychologically and emotionally hard on my family, and my parents, even though they are thousands of kms away.  So far I have been able to avoid suicide.  I keep trying to put "one foot in front of the other".  To anyone who has never felt suicidal, it is so easy to pass judgement and say move on. It has been part of my life far longer than before I ever got sick.  In some respects,  I have come close to death so many times in the past I wonder just when it will happen for real. I am for real about that last statement.  Between being sick as an infant and young boy, and a few accidents, all could have spelt death for me.  one accident, I fell off a deck and my head just missed hitting a concrete block, another time, was work related and an aircraft prop came too close to me for comfort. 
 
Ya, I have been close, just dont know when it is going to happen!  I'm negative aren't I!  I wish I never had these feelings to begin with, but I do and I dont know how to deal with them sometimes.  Sometimes I just wish it were all over, but the one thing I fear more than anything, even death, is doing it at my own hand.  Spiritally,  I am a strong beleiver in God.  Ha,  I make a terrible christian!  my beliefs are too far out for most, but yes there is a God, and God has spoken to me!  I guess that is why I am still here!

15 years ago 0 823 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Cammy,
 
Don't be too hard on yourself to "feel positive" if it is creating more pressure and stress.
 
What is making you feel "overwhelmed"? Do you feel you have too much on your plate? If so, is there a way to minimize this so that you are not running on empty?
 
During this time of year, getting out is challenging for many of us especially if you are experiencing winter at its worst. A lack of fresh air and sunshine are also contributing factors.
 
Please do address your symptoms with your health care professional to see what aids can make you feel better. Also, are you ensuring regular eating patterns? How is your diet and sleep?
 
Please keep us posted and good luck,
 
 
Faryal, Health Educator
15 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I should be out doing work today but I feel just tooooo overwhelmed these days. I had to go to a store this morning to get some things for older son for school,  rush project,  did that but just feel so tired all the time.   I wish I had the energetic positive feelings about being able to get out. 
15 years ago 0 456 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
hi breanne,
I do not think my neanderthal would be mean and LIE!  But he is not the chatty type and I guess i need to be chatty these days.  I need to exchange ideas and feeeling.  And feelings are not a thing that are to be mixed with a converstion dealing with work when talking to my chouette .    I am with 10 other women in the department, so it is a very touchy-feely place.  My husband is in a construction firm with 6 Guys ... very male. 
So all the questioning and the insecurity I have are difficult for him to really understand.  I have 10 years of experience and the worst or other employers pays more than where  I am now... but environment, benefits, and people, and product are all important as well...  and chouette has learned that when I start to talk touchy-feely he needs to hug me at a pause... the rest he is at a loss as to what to do...
 
Hi cammy.
 
it sounds the blast from your past aired out some of the negative cob-webs.  The memory of kids cheering you ... was good!
 
I guess I am looking at my 6yr old daughter and remembering the beating my mother's boyfriend gave me back then with the leather strap.  All that pain because of the lovers querrels they had.  It did not help to eat and go to bed at 6 pm.  I was dragged out of my covers.  I could not hide behind Snoopy, when I slept with snoopy and my underwear till 15 I was crazy and a baby.  I was stupid.  I would spend the rest of my life alone because no husband would ever be attacted to me...
 
Sorry I am wandering off the subject...
15 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I got married and started a family in a relatively good time.  Things started going bad when I was working for an employer who was only interested in putting money in his pocket.   That was a long time ago tho, and things have been "rocky" since. 
The "after effects" of that bug have always been on my mind but pushed to the back-  Things had been going "ok" for a number of years but not great.  Last year depression hit me like never before, my older teen son doing school work that I struggled with was the trigger.  It was then that I realized for the very first time just what depression is to me personally.  I have experienced it before but never really identified it as such.  Last year at this time I went to see a doc and I started talking to her, and mentioned the bug and the symptons I had.  I cant remember exactly how it came to that, but it was she who put a name to that bug for the very first time, something I had suspected was more than the "flu".  On one hand I was shocked, the other I was releived, finally to have a name that "fit the feelings" I had.    With one mri done, another to go, the first one shows up what I would call as "damaged" areas.  Although I will never have definate proof as medical records have long been destroyed, I know what I felt, I know how I felt after, I know the struggles I endured.  It did not help that my father and mother in one sense of the word "abandoned" me.  I felt rejected, isolated, alone with no where to turn to help. 
 
As far as your going for a job,  do so when you feel you  can put in a days work without feeling stressed.  I am "self" employed and struggling as it is.  I am looking for a part time job to help pay bills.  
 
Yesterday I made contact with one of the "boys" from my private school.  I cant say much here because of privacy issues, but in some ways he has had it worse recently,than I have.   There was one incident in school I can laugh about, and Im sure he could too-  he "bugged" me just one too many times,  and before the teacher came in, I let loose on him pounding him, chasing him and hitting him good.   We were crashing over desks and making quite a rucas.  I'm surprised no other teacher came into the class to see what was going on.  Remember this is a boys private school.  If we had been caught, we would have been hauled down to the office and strapped good!  Meanwhile, the other boys totally surprised by my actions, as I was always the quiet kid in class no outbursts, were cheering me on!
 
Anyways, all I can say is to do what you can when you can.
15 years ago 0 1693 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
wildcat,
 
I don't think your husband is lying. It sounds like he is trying to be supportive, as I am sure he is aware that you are no longer happy with your current job. Why don't you talk to your husband about your job and about your options?
 
Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

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