You say if it starts affecting you too much, you let go. I have never been able to do that, how do go about it? Does it come naturally or did you have to work really hard at it?
Good luck with your course, I'm sure you will do well.
Not a good couple of days panic, anger, depression. Just feel like chucking it all in.
To top it all it's really blustery and rainy outside so I don't think I will be able to get outside for my nightly walk. This will be the first time I haven't been able to go out since last winter. I can feel my throat tightening up just thinking about it.
Good news to report I managed to avert a PA. My mum (who is just priceless) & I sat at our front door for an hour tonight, the time it usually takes for our walk. It was as close to the outdoors as I could get and with our really drafty door it was just like being outside. Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for asking about my presentation. I have completed it and saved it on my USB stick, I will be presenting it to the teacher this Wednesday. Wish me luck.
Thanks so much for being here for me, it really means a lot to me.
Did my Power Point presentation this morning, the teacher said she really enjoyed it and asked me if I wanted to see my mark. And do you think I said no?
She said my presentation was in her words "bang on" , drum roll please.
Ta, da - I got 100%.
I was ecstatic, I told her I thoroughly enjoyed doing the presentation. Just goes to show me once again I am capable of so much more than I ever thought I was and that I am not solely defined as a Panic/Anxiety Disorder survivor. Yes that's right I have changed my term from victim to survivor - well at least for today anyway.
Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One more week of school to go & then I'm off for 3 weeks Christmas vacation, which will give me time to work on my English essay.
Onward and upward so they say, you know what I still haven't figured out who they are but they sure have a lot of good sayings don't you think?
Once again you always find the right words, so much insight I can tell you too have been through a lot with this. But it sounds that you are coming out the other side stronger.
You know it's so easy to focus on the negative and yes you're right when you focus on that is just snowballs. The qualities in the person I would like to be are patient, easy going, non judgemental and of course how could I forget the most important one a person who can let go.
Well having defined the person I would like to be, today started out amazing with getting 100% on my Power Point presentation but started to decline. An argument with my mum we both said some things we wish we hadn't. Then when I was out for a walk I saw this lady looking at something on a person's lawn. I asked her what it was & she said it was an injured bird, I was accross the street at the time. I love animals & could not bare the fact that this poor soul might be in agony, so I didn't go across to see it but stuck around. She said it was breaking her heart, I said I felt the same way. She asked me what she could do and said she could call the Humane Society and if they couldn't come and pick it up they would tell her who could. Well to make a long story short, the lady called Animal Control and was arranging for them to come and pick up the bird when another lady and her dog came and she thought it would be better to move the bird into a rubbermaid container that was there. I thought she should have just left it there until the Animal Control people came. Well she left shortly after putting it in the container she left and the first lady and I were there. She was just about to give them the address of the property the bird was on & then she went to check on it. Our hearts sank, the bird was dead, she told Animal Control about it. Then she said to me that it was probably in a better place, she even said a little prayer for the soul. We both tried to do what we could for the poor little thing, I only hope it didn't suffer too long or too much.
You haven't made it sound trivial, just from your posts I know that you are someone who has been there.
As for not giving up, way to go Joe. I too am the kind not to give up as I have already been through Panic Disorder, Depression and now am going through GAD. It's just at times that I feel like giving up, but I never would.
Thanks for asking about how it is with mum now. Well we are talking and went out for our usual nightly walk, I know it's really hard for mum me being an emotional roller coaster. I tend to jump to conclusions and a lot of the time they are wrong. I have told mum that during my 3 weeks off for Christmas break I will try to look for a psychotherapist close to me as I believe I need the supervision and structure therapy brings. I think it's time to try therapy again. You know years ago I would hear about some Hollywood star in therapy and thought - wow. Now I'm in need of help.
Have you ever had the feeling that something is going to happen to you but you don't know what, it's a feeling of fear and uneasiness. I have had this on/off (more on than off) since my depression last December and sometimes it really gets to me, like tonight.
As for that poor little soul that died, I thought maybe if we had got there sooner it might have had a chance.
Not a good day today, it's the emotional roller coaster again. One minute I am laughing the next minute I feel like squealing. Some days I think I am getting better and that's exactly what my mum said that I am getting better. I know no one can be on an even keel all the time, but this up/down business gets too much at times.
Just had to vent, hopefully I'll feel better later after all I do have my final english essay to prepare for. Oh boy.
In one word - none. I am sorry to say. I had to stay in tonight because of the weather, you see on a scale of 1 - 10 this is a 10 fear - not being able to get out for a walk at night. I had a panic attack, not a full-blown one ( thank God), but bad enough. I catastrophise so well that I can whip myself into quite a frenzy and of course we know what that leads to - escalation of the attack. You see I have convinced myself there is something really wrong with me because I have these mood swings. As I was saying to Joe a lot of the time I am frightened something is going to happen to me, so I get more frightened and then I feel worse.
The sad part is I know so much about this disorder because you wouldn''t believe it but I have spent over I think $200 on books on Anxiety Disorders and Depression. One of my social workers said I could teach people about the disorders, but putting into practice for myself is well extremely hard to do.
Having admitted to all that doesn't make me feel good, but there it is out in the open. I would welcome any suggestions on coping methods from anyone because my way just ain't working for me.
Faryal & Joe thanks for your advice. I don't think I explained my fear quite right. My biggest fear is not being able to get out for a walk at night. I overcame this fear last year with a method I now know as flooding. My psychotherapist at the time was are of the method I was using and didn't bother to tell me that this could set me up for re-sensitization and it did. So now that the weather is getting bad and eventually I won't be able to get out at night I have to try and stay in at night.
A little while ago I started to reduce the length of my walk and I was ok with that. It wasn't until the other night that it was pelting that I couldn't go out at all & had to sit at our front door to try and cope. My mum sat right behind me in another chair for the full hour (the time it usually took for our nightly walk).
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