Well put it this way I have noticed my mood has gotten worse since starting 2nd semester. I just said to my mum I was happier when I was on our Christmas vacation, and I didn't think that would be possible. Yes, you're right I did get through 1st semester and didn't think I would. I got through the break and didn't think I could. Do you see a theme here? I do, I don't think I can but I do, makes total sense right?
I know I went through the same thing 1st semester and then I adjusted a bit to my classmates, but having said that now a whole new bunch has been added to the colorful mixture shall we say. The one I spoke about in the earlier post was one of the new mixture, whoa!
As for looking on the positive, not one of my qualities I'm afraid. I just can't find any positives being subjected to what I am.
Thank-you my on-line cheering section, with me in good times and bad.
Thank-you, thank-you. I am very pleased with myself, as for rewarding myself I'll have to think about that. It's not something I'm in the habit of doing for my accomplishments.
I would say I could reward myself with chocolate, but have you heard the saying sweet tooth? I have sweet teeth, all of them. I have gained so much weight eating chocolate it's unreal. When I go to my dietitian next month and she weighs me boy am I in for it.
You know the reasoning behind me not rewarding myself, the way I see it I still have this disorder, I'm still struggling, I' still get agitated, angry and have mood swings. If one of these were to diminish or heaven forbid disappear altogether, then that would be cause for celebration. One of my social workers gave me a task to do, 3 times a week I was supposed (note the key word - supposed) to write myself a letter stating what I like about myself. She asked me to do that about 3 weeks ago & I haven't done it because at this point I don't like anything about myself.
I know that you are trying to get me to focus on what I have accomplished, but all I can focus on is what I can't. Like not being able to get back to work, like 2 years plus of my life spent battling one disorder or another.
I have been able to acknowledge something I couldn't for an awful long time and that is. I am more than a Panic, GAD or Depression survivor (the word I used to use was victim). I credit this to my going to college, I now know that I am capable of so much more, I am not defined by my disorder (s). I used to think everything revolved around the disorders and that was my identity. Sure I give myself credit at the time for what I have accomplished but as for rewarding myself, not when I am still in the state I am.
Thank you so much, you guys have made my day. You see the lights just went on here after 23 1/2 hours of no electricity or heat on this the coldest day of the year. With the windchill it was 27 below, going down to 30 below. And all this stress without a PA - hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reading both your encouraging words has really touched me, if you could only see me I'm smiling right now. (my face has finally thawed out)
Thank goodness for this site & caring people like yourself and the moderators, no one is ever alone here.
How are things today? I am sorry you are going through a tough time right now. I agree with Breanne is there any friend or family member you can talk to? If not are there no crisis help lines where you live, the people there are specifically trained to respond to people in need. Maybe they could also let you know about other agencies or people that could help you at this difficult time.
Take care and although I have never been in you situation. My thoughts are with you.
Here is a quote that might help you.
"Roadblocks in life, if we allow them to can be seen as detours into a better direction"
S.Hamilton for the book The Great Eight - published by Thomas Nelson (2008)
Don't even entertain the fact that you are in some way a failure or are a lessor person for having to take meds. This is not a sign of weakness on your part. I have done so much reading on the subject of mood disorders. I know in a lot of cases meds are required to allow the person to be able to get to a stage where they can cope better and learn the necessary skills & at some point they can gradually come off the meds.
Glad you got through the party, who knows you might become a party animal (just kidding).
Speaking from experience I think at the time I wont' be able to do something and can whip myself into a real frenzy and get really overwhlemed, but you know what I usually end up being able to do it. So I'm sure you will get through your challenging week and hey your one up on me being able to challenge your negative thoughts.
Yes it's another lousy day again. It's the emotional roller coaster of agitation, anger and depression today, whoopee.
Having quite a time of it this weekend what with the blackout and all, just to make it interesting I can't hear very well in my left ear. I feel like I just want to squeal or something, maybe it's the fact I can't get out as much as I would like to or being back at school. You go along thinking you're doing pretty good and then it hits you over the head so to speak. A while ago I just didn't want anyone to bother me I was so ticked off. I don't like feeling this way especially when it involves other people.
Sometimes it really is a struggle to get through the day & this is one of them.
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