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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Bad PA today. Just venting.

Arghhhh. I am so irritated. I had a great day today until about 4'o clock when I decided to have another cup of coffee. This made me so edgy and shaky that it triggered a huge PA. I haven't had a proper PA for a couple of weeks and I have been feeling so good in general. I am so afraid that now for next few days that I will experience the awful sensation of GAD. Constantly worrying about the next PA... As I am writing this I feel drunk on adrenaline. I have literally been staggering around like an old drunk yet I am of course stone sober.

The last few days have been wonderful. This morning I spent hours completely by myself where I was even totally bored and yet I didn't feel at all panicky. Hours went by when the thought of anxiety didn't even enter my mind.

The worst thing is that the further I move away from a PA the more the sensations feel so unfamiliar and thus when I have one it feels so uncomfortable that it triggers a massive PA and days of GAD. So I have no idea how to escape the cycle. I am able to feel better and better but the moment I start to feel great and I want to "pat myself on the back" I have a huge PA which sets off the entire process again and again. Arhhhhhhhhhhh!

I know that caffeine can set off panic but I feel as if not drinking coffee is also just avoidance. Something which I refuse to do. Oh well. May the cycle begin again...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Bad PA today. Just venting.

Hi Cornish-Dee. Thanks for responding. It is very cathartic using this forum to just write down my thoughts and vent a bit . Especially when somebody responds with some encouraging words :)

Nearly three and a half months. I have had weeks were it bothers me very little and I have no panic attacks but it seems that the further they are apart the worse they are and thereby I fear them even more. If that makes any sense. Also, after a bad PA I seem to loose all my sense of well being and slump into a depression. At the moment I am just afraid of the next few days of being unsettled, anxious and depressed. I think the GAD that follows a PA is far worse than the PA's themselves. Its like I have fear of panic disorder more than fear of panic attacks!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Is it possible to fully recover from Panic Disorder?

LOL. I never realised until the PAs began that I am a control freak! My therapist actually pointed it out to me when I had PAs while he was trying to hypnotise me but when I did a self-relaxation technique I was fine. I didn't want him to control my healing process!

Much introspection has also made me realsise that I hate commitment! Getting married to my wife was easy as I have always known that we were meant for one another but signing any contract causes me great anxiety. Buying a car, signing a lease agreement or a job contract really freaks me out.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

I'm a success, however life's stresses go on

Thanks darkblue for giving us feedback of your improvement or "cure" from panic. Very few people have writen of how they have been cured. It really gives me hope:)

Sorry about your friend. I agree that there is always help and one should never give up like that. It leaves so much hurt for those around them.

My mother in law attempted suicide a few times (mother in laws...). It really hurt my wife and her father. Please don't beat yourself up over her passing. One cannot make another person find happiness. Just like when somebody says to you "snap out of your panic". It never helps.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Bad PA today. Just venting.

Hi Miki

Guess you are right. I need to change my mindset that PAs are such a bad experience. I don't let them change my life in any major way. I get up, go to work and do things which cause me anxiety. I had my first PA in the gym. These days I associate the gym with PAs and hyperventilating so when I enter the gym I begin to hyperventilate and freak out a bit. This is something I need to unlearn. But the point is that I still go to gym five times a week. It just gets me down when I have been feeling so great. I welcome PAs when I am in the cycle of panic. They don't scare me. But when there is no anxiety in your life a PA feels so unwanted and uncomfortable.

But anyway. I am off to work. It's another day and hopefully today will be better than previous relapses!

Thanks Miki.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Bleurgh !

Hi CD

I think bleurgh sums up the feeling pretty well. Just remember that it to will pass. I find that I move through cycles of anxiety and when I am in a bleurgh phase it is difficult to see outside that feeling. But it always passes.

Well done about making it to the supermarket by yourself.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

what a trigger

Hi Maggie

Coming off a PA really makes me tired. You sometimes feel shattered. Its basically your body just coming off the adrenaline. It's like the analogy of the roller coaster, except that when you get off the roller coaster you feel elated not petrified.

How many people on these forums have written about problems with their spouses not understanding PAs? I think that we can blame this on society not having enough understanding of mental health problems. People assume that one can easily control behaviour, yet it is not that easy. As if we are choosing to panic and that by just willing it away the panic can be stopped. Also I really believe that anxiety has a genetic basis- so how dare people who are not predisposed to these conditions judge others who are. Would they judge a person with faulty insulin production?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Bad PA today. Just venting.

Thanks all

Thank you very much for the kind words. I really appreciate them. I don't feel all that bad today. A few hairy moments and definately more scary thoughts where I feel that I am going backwards. But I know that I am not. I am healing. It just isn't a linear process and it comes with many ups and downs. The fact that I don't feel all that bad today even after having a bad PA yesterday is what I would call progress and this forum has helped. I just feel tired I guess.

Faryal. Thanks for the advise. Yesterday I tried doing some visualisation/ meditation techniques to relax but they freaked me out even more. I find the sustained release method helps a bit but anything where I close my eyes try to relax just makes me more anxious. Sad... Things that cause me anxiety include; driving, going to work, coming home in the evenings, going to gym and lecturing. I did have one cup of coffee today when I got up. It doesn't bother me first thing in morning however. I have realised that it's the second cup that gets to me.

10 attacks a day! Wow. Well done for having gone through that. I hope your op goes well. And you did help :) I actually do the sport powerlifting so going to the gym is obviously mandatory. I find myself getting freaked out though when the gym is very busy. I like lifting weights, and it is great for my self-esteem, but I hate the gym!

I have never really used medication. The doctor gave me a few tablets of Alzam (I think this a diazapiene) but I have never really used many. Perhaps it would have helped. She also gave me some anti-depressants which my therapist reckons I shouldn't use them. He feels that my depression is reactionary in response to the panic disorder.

I feel quite happy today that at least I get to begin session three. Hope springs eternal, and all.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Bad PA today. Just venting.

You have been so helpfull!

I had a little PA tonight but only lasted about 10 minutes and left no after effect of anxiety. I feel pretty good today. I just finished session three about the "challenging your anxious thoughts" and I feel like this program might be very powerful.

What is helping tonight is listening to a CD with sounds of the ocean (Vangelis Oceanic). The sounds of the waves are soothing and I can imagine myself sitting on a beech listening to the waves crash. I think the problem for me is trying to stay focused on some visualisation as my mind tends towards panic. Sounds increase my focus on the visualisation and thereby help me to picture myself in some pleasant environment.

It's hard to sometimes be easy on yourself. Yesterday one of the most over-riding thoughts was that I had somehow failed myself.

Strangely enough I have had bouts with OCD and GAD in the past which just somehow resolved themselves. In fact since I was a young teenager. Panic justs feels different right now but I imagine the healing process wll be much like you describe; where the good days will eventually begin to happen more often than the bad days.

Thanks again.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

what a trigger

LOL Miki. Nice comment!

Maggie I feel bad that I am hijacking your post!

I think SA is pretty bad on the mental health side of things! I heard a scary statistic the other day; 50% of poor South Africans and 10% of affluent South Africans are depressed.

Regarding anxiety, however, we must be one of the worst (or best?) in the world. Crime in this country is just insane. The nature of the crime is so disturbing and we as South Africans have become "punch drunk". We hear shocking things all the time but they are so commonplace that we ignore them. Most of our atrocities committed are unneccesary but are committed out of revenge, spitefulness or just mean fun. Our next door neighbour was tortured for hours. So much for a quick get away. Criminals here don't even care about being caught. We also have hellish traffic with madmen drivers who you cannot trust to obey the basic road rules like stopping at an intersection. And then we have police officers who throw you into jail because you didn't want to pay them a bribe! And in prison you have a very high chance of acquiring HIV! If you know what I mean. Talk about anxiety...

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