Sleep has been a bit of a problem for me recently. I had one night where I couldn't sleep and then it triggered this sort of insomniac phase. I go to bed way too late but I can't help myself.
I decided to see my Doctor again and give the antidepressants a shot. I have been avoiding taking them but I decided that now it is enough. I am tired of anxiety. I live a full life with no place in it for anxiety. Recently my mood had taken a large downward swing and I can't explain why. The last time I had a PA the next day I just felt utterly depressed. Not really that anxious. I guess I just feel disappointed that I can still succumb to the panic.
Most educational pamphlets and information sources recommend some form of psychotherapy as well as medication, so I figure - what makes me different that I don't need medication?
I don't mind sleeping tablets. In fact they give me confidence. I never use them before I go to sleep only if after a certain period of not sleeping (like say an hour) will I resort to using them. I am so paranopid about becoming addicted to them that I am very responsible. Just like you I have a very addictive personality. BTW I have quit smoking for over three days now so.
Joe I know exactly what you mean about sleeping zones. Mine is between 12 and 2. After 2 I stress too much that I have to sleep now or else- and before 12 or 12:30 I am just too alert. I have to make up my sleep deficit over the weekends where I go to bed at about 1 or 2 and then sleep till very late. I just can't go to bed earlier. But I think if I went to bed at like 7 or 8, I would probably sleep, however, I would wake up at 10 or 11 and then wouldn't be able to sleep again.
Yesterday the peroxidene (SSRI) gave me killer headaches and made me very dizzy but I feel better today. I am feeling quite hopeful. I have seen from my wife that her antidepressants have made a huge difference. This also helps me because for a while coming home to her was causing me allot of anxiety.
Thanks for the advice Brenna. I get enough physical activity. That's for sure. In fact I think that over-exercising can make seriously impare your sleep. Diet. Hhum.....
I can easily stop smoking for short periods of time and get over the physical addiction but as you say I guess I never address the psychological dependency so I tend to fall back into bad habits months or even years later.
I understand exactly what you are saying about the craving to feel normal. People often say that smoking eases stress but I believe that it creates far greater stress. One simply feels better temporarily once you feed the addiction. But as you say the monster immediately grows again and then your baseline anxiety is higher than as a non-smoker. I study cancer biology so I should really know better.... I guess one simply assumes that the nasty stuff will only happen to somebody else. Smoking most certainly dragged up my irrational health fears again so quiting feels really good. I know what you mean about envying smokers. I will loose contact with many people when I quit. People I usually have a nice chat with over a cigarette. There is just no point in joining them if I don't smoke. One of them happens to be my boss...
I basically follow all those tactics for sleep and I don't have nearly as much difficulty sleeping as what I used to have. However, I really wish I could develop a better sleeping pattern. Sleeping late affects my productivity and going to bed late makes me exhausted when I have to be up early. My current attitude is that it is better for me to go to bed late and sleep than try and sleep early and then be unable to sleep. Also, those late hours are so peaceful and anxiety free that I can truly relax. Possibly my only real down time throughout the whole day and I guess I am, on some level, reluctant to relinquish those moments.
Anyway. Hope you manage to abolish those "death sticks".
I thought incompetent service like that was unique to South Africa LOL.
Shame. Sorry to hear about that. Please post here when you are feeling down. We will all try to chip in and help.
About leaving the house. I have never suffered from agoraphobia but I am sure that many here will be able to give you great advice. This program is (I think) very good for your situation. With exposure work you learn to challenge those feelings.
For now I guess you could try and leave for 1 hour 15 minutes. And then for 1 hour 30 minutes etc.
Trust me. These feelings will pass. You will slowly begin to take control of your life and your own emotions and behaviour.
That was a powerful post. We must all have those memories of past PAs and periods of out life that feel like trauma. I remember the worst PA I ever had. It still scares me to think about it. But I guess that with my greater understanding I can never experience such an intense PA again. I remember those moments when I felt like I could never feel better and I had no understanding of what was happening to me. To make it worse- I tried to hide what I was feeling because I didn't want people to think I was mad, which of course I felt I was. I am sure you will quit again when you want to. My wife is very insistent that I quit so I don't have much of a choice lol. Plus all the other reasons... Didn't starting smoking again make you feel more depressed though?
I feel quite good today regarding the cravings. I am supplementing my cravings with lots of chocolate
I haven't really had any more headaches and I am sleeping like a baby so the anti-ds arn't giving me too many side effects. My doc put me straight onto a medium to high dose without first doing a lower dosing scheme to elliviate panic symptoms. So I am pleased so far.
I am the same Joe. Two weeks is possibly my worst time as well. And then anytime after that if I foolishly smoke again lol.
Anybody here have any thoughts about alchohol? People on these forums rarely mention it. I find that the feeling of "sobering up" is so unpleasant and it feels so much like anxiety that I can't really drink at all. I am also so paranoid about developing a drinking problem in response to my anxiety that I feel utterly guilty even having a couple of drinks. But I have read that many poeple with PD develop drinking problems.
I also just started a meditation course last night. It was difficult at first to sit still so long with a quite mind but I am sure that I will become everything zen.
I think Joe has made yet another profound statement. Recovering from panic is really full of ups and downs. I guess I don't accept this sometimes. It will never be a linear process. There were times when I thought that I had completely conquered a fear only to later experience it again. But I can tell you that eventually it does get better.
Driving used to be a big one for me. But I rarely feel any anxiety while driving anymore. I have challenged my anxiety over driving and I have realised that I am not afraid of driving at all. I am only afraid on panicing while driving. That distinction sounds small but it is in fact huge. I had associated driving with panic attacks. Once you begin to accept the symptoms of panic and you challenge the thoughts during PAs the phobias that accompany panic disorder begin to dissolve. That is different from when you have a "normal" phobia. It also means that sometimes you will feel fine and other times you will panic while doing the same activity. This can be very confusing at first and I have felt very dispondant when I panic doing something that I believed I had conquered. But if you stick at it eventually you don't even think about it and the anxiety does go away.
To echo everybody else. Please post here. We will listen.
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