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Hope instead of desperation

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 880

Brenda

Yes I understand that...I used nicotine as an anti-depressant...I probably am missing some of those good neutotransmitters, but I no longer seek it from cigs...To figure out why one smokes is probably the most difficult task of all...

By the way that year is looking mighty good on you, lets go for two...

stay well

nonic

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 12/25/2006
Smoke-Free Days: 1255
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 37,650
Amount Saved: $13,177.50
Life Gained:
Days: 245 Hrs: 16 Mins: 49 Seconds: 1

Quit Meter

$66,580.50

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1373 Hours: 20

Minutes: 17 Seconds: 8

Life Gained
Quit Meter

6341

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

190,230

Cigarettes Not Smoked

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1904

Yes, nonic, I tell the kids and the adults around here that the most stupid thing I've ever done is smoke. I'm not so sure that I've escaped without damage. Although it has been a year, I've yet to uncover my emotional reasons for smoking. I do know that I smoked under all conditions and for all reasons. I like to believe that I wasn't a rude smoker. What is very clear to me is that I smoked mainly because I was addicted and had a very difficult time clearing my system of nicotine. When I smoke, I can literally feel the nicotine during those seconds it takes to travel to my brain. I react like someone who has just taken a love potion. Boing!
My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 5/1/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 396
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 11,088
Amount Saved: $4,712.40
Life Gained:
Days: 44 Hrs: 13 Mins: 56 Seconds: 19

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 639

Hope, you are doing great. You've have made it through the first two weeks of your new life.....post as often as you need....read deep into this site......start a blog and read others......You are not alone.

Many hands make light work....

Keep the Quit,

Dave

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 1/19/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 497
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 14,910
Amount Saved: $3,913.88
Life Gained:
Days: 84 Hrs: 5 Mins: 55 Seconds: 14

Quit Meter

$50,507.28

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1125 Hours: 5

Minutes: 33 Seconds: 45

Life Gained
Quit Meter

5584

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

167,520

Cigarettes Not Smoked

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 880

Hope:

Hang tough there, I promise you that this can be done. I know how hard it can be, although I do not know exactly how difficult this is for you. After all, this is a personal decision and only the individual making the choice to be free of tobacco truly gets the depth of the pain involved.

I do encourage you to stay with this site. You will find many kind people here who hear you and will respond with good intent and valuable experience. Here is a bit I wrote when I was deeply involved with my own addiction. Maybe in some way you may see some of what you are experiencing now...

Against The Tide

I set my mind against the tide,
as a sailor sets a sail
straight into a westward wind,
that soon became a gale.

The harbor lights were far behind,
when the sky bled blue to gray.
The chop was fine and coming fast
and my boat began to sway.

Broadside and true she took each wave
and fell to meet the next.
The troughs were deep the angles steep
my thoughts were dark and vexed.

And in that hour the taunting came,
from deep within the storm.
Derision scorn and vile blame
took endless ghostly form.

Loathing lingered on the deck
as doubt engulfed the mast.
And from the east, a tiny speck
flew toward me from the past.

Larger loomed this bird of prey
in silence loud and clear.
With stealth and guile it ruled the day
for this was cold dark fear.

Fear stretched out a deadly claw
and danced with doubt and scorn
around the sail I’d bravely set
they mocked the oath I’d sworn.

The bitter wind grew stronger still
as hopelessness appeared
and played a mournful melody
for doubt and scorn and fear.

“Come join the dance” the storm intoned
I know you know the steps.
“I’ll bring you peace” the wind exclaimed
“with one more cigarette.”

But just between the flash and fade
the lightning wind and storm
were all inventions I had made
while I was busy being born.

For I have lost a lover
who would kill me where I stand
but found a better friend in me
cause I know who I am.

I set my mind against the tide
as a sailor sets a sail…

I set my mind against the tide
As a sailor sets a sail…..

stay well

nonic

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 12/25/2006
Smoke-Free Days: 1253
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 37,590
Amount Saved: $13,156.50
Life Gained:
Days: 245 Hrs: 5 Mins: 6 Seconds: 55

Quit Meter

$66,580.50

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1373 Hours: 20

Minutes: 17 Seconds: 8

Life Gained
Quit Meter

6341

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

190,230

Cigarettes Not Smoked

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 880

Brenda

It is all of that and then some...It becomes such a preoccupation because the act of smoking appears to give us relief from the business of being a human. It is a hard world and addiction is another way of escaping the rigors of our journey. It was for me. But as you know with the proper knowledge, the heart of a lion and a grain of hope we can find other ways of quieting the beasts that rage within and without of our conscious being.

My greatest wish is that I never had began smoking in the first place. However, lacking a time machine, that is impossible. But the good news is that today, we have a second chance to alter the course our self-imposed addiction has set us upon. That is the blessing in all of this.

stay well

nonic

Quit Meter

$66,580.50

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1373 Hours: 20

Minutes: 17 Seconds: 8

Life Gained
Quit Meter

6341

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

190,230

Cigarettes Not Smoked

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1904

Clever way to put it nonic: "nicotine masks itself as another neurotransmitter". It really is powerful, cunning , and baffling. The only way I've found to beat it is through abstinence, avoidance.
My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 5/1/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 394
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 11,032
Amount Saved: $4,688.60
Life Gained:
Days: 44 Hrs: 9 Mins: 1 Seconds: 33

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 880

hope

Perhaps sometimes our desires make us anxious. Maybe it is so because we have that little wee voice in us that tells us we can't do this. I understand that. Sometimes my own little voice is not so tiny and seems to have aquired a megaphone along the way. But we have the ability to take a few decibles away from that annoying messenger.

There is no need for trepidation, you are doing a wonderful thing for yourself. Keep that hope alive always and try not to allow the doubts to shout it down. You will develop ways of doing this. For me it was physical activity. Nicotine stimulates the pleasure paths of our brains. It has a great deal to do with masking itself as another neurotransmitter that causes our bodies to produce dopamine and other happy stuff that makes us feel more in control and content. When we feel content and in control, the quest of cessation is no longer a long road.

I don't know what will do this for you, but you do, and you will find that key...As addicts we are both the jailer and the inmate. We must in some way, known only to ourselves, find the courage to demand that the jailer give us the key...

stay well

nonic

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 12/25/2006
Smoke-Free Days: 1252
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 37,560
Amount Saved: $13,146.00
Life Gained:
Days: 245 Hrs: 0 Mins: 18 Seconds: 10

Quit Meter

$66,580.50

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1373 Hours: 20

Minutes: 17 Seconds: 8

Life Gained
Quit Meter

6341

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

190,230

Cigarettes Not Smoked

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1080

Hi Hope and welcome! Nothing to be nervous of here, we are all keen to help you succeed and look forward to sharing the journey with you.
My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 5/10/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 749
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 18,725
Amount Saved: $11,235.00
Life Gained:
Days: 91 Hrs: 11 Mins: 4 Seconds: 0

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 65

Congrats on your quit! Keep up the good work! Keep busy I use the computer alot. Read, go shopping,whatever you do don't smoke! Great work!
My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 5/29/2010
Smoke-Free Days: 0
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 0
Amount Saved: $0.00
Life Gained:
Days: 0 Hrs: 1 Mins: 41 Seconds: 11

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 38

Welcome hope,

I found a wealth of information and inspiration here, and I've only just begun.

Sleep all you like if that keeps you smoke free. I know when I get angry (withdrawal) I need to be alone and lie down. It keeps me closer to sanity, and I won't say or do anything that will leave me with regret.

Keep it up you are doing great.

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 5/23/2010
Smoke-Free Days: 6
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 60
Amount Saved: $17.70
Life Gained:
Days: 0 Hrs: 10 Mins: 49 Seconds: 12

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Hope instead of desperation