Good Morning, Anne-Marie, Funny it is, how a kind word can bring one to tears. Thank you for your concern. You know, that little pill box is a good idea. There is this really quaint store very close to where I live. I'll get one today. If I had my dose with me that evening, things would have been way better. I could have gone into the ladies room (or even at the table, with my friend) and taken my medication. Then, within a few minutes I would have been 'normal'(say a 10 is freaking out - I would very quickly gone down to a 1) So, I could have enjoyed my dinner at a leisure pace, gone for a walk maybe after on the beach where I live - but, instead the evening was taken over by panic. My tears fall. Maria P.S. I still love my life and all the beauty therein and round about. Having a disorder like I do makes me appreciate even more the beauteous feeling when my mind in quiet and I am calm, relaxed and 'not' panicking. It has pushed me to go to a place of meditation and introspection. So, out of the dark chaos of my 'panic', come my poetry and my writings. Also, I might add, in a strange way, this 'panic' disorder that has plagued me since I was in my very early teens, has dwarfed my social skills to the point that many times I feel like I am 'woman child'.

So heppy you're okay today, Maria. Drug stores sell fancy little pill cases for carrying a dose of medication. Had you had a dose with you, do you think your evening might have turned out differently?

Dear Group, I had a strange panic attack last night. Here I am, at home, having a pretty normal day, my friend calls and asks me to dinner. Fine, no problem. We drive to the restaurant, sit down, then all the sudden I started feeling 'wierd', the tunnel vision, fuzzy head, can't concentrate on anything but the fact I may be losing my mind type of 'wierd'. There was a light above the table that was blasting me right in the eye. For some strange reason, my panic feeling began accelerate right after that. The room was really loud, also. Could any of those factors have been a trigger. Does anyone out there have an adversity to loud places or bright lights - I am reaching, but, I am trying to learn from you guys, too. Sometimes, I feel so angry. I should have had my medication in my purse. I guess I don't want to believe I need to take it with me, although, the truth is, I do. I started the usual thoughts "I gotta get out of here -things just feel too wierd - can't focus on anything but this 'panic' feeling" - got up and went into the ladies room to try and get a grip - then things just got worse, began peaking, panicing - went back to the table told my friend I was freaking out - he knows about my panic attacks - he says, let me tell you a story - so he starts in on a really cute imaginary story (trying to distract me) started massaging my hand and upper arm, and it almost worked - but, the 'panic' kept creeping in - my feet we sweating, palms sweating - I had one leg out of the booth ready to run out! It was so awful. Anyway, I didn't die, I made it home, took my medication and went back to normal, slept well and woke up absolutely fine. Any thoughts, Maria P.S. I am so curious about one thing. It is a haunting. What would I do if I did not have my meds. to take. I can only remember when I was unmedicated and undiagnosed - dark days, misunerstood and always terrified. I curse the drug companies, sometimes, but, the medication I take does control the 'beast' and for that I am grateful. But, I still wonder if I would lose my mind or die, at this point of the game, if I just went with nothing. This frightens me. One time I was canoeing and we tipped over - I was so worried about my prescription getting wet. Someone give me an e