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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Hmmm. Super tired Kat. I'm a little worried about a relapse with everything that's been going on, but so far, I'm okay. I wake up every morning really tired though. My spirits are good. I feel strong even though I'm tired.

Tired tired tired is the main thing I feel.

His name is Levi, and he is scheduled for the beauty salon tomorrow on my way to work :) He's never been pampered.

I had to work late tonight (hooray though cause tonight and tomorrow are my last nights of working late! 13 years of working late and I finally will be getting off at 3pm everyday starting next week!).

I haven't heard about dad's appointment today because I worked late and he goes to bed super early. I'll let you all know what I find out.

Off to bed with me. Thanks for checking in Kat. You and everyone else helps me keep going.

Deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Deb,

Thanks for the update, hopefully your dad's surgery is soon, and things go well for him. I'm sorry to hear about your son, those doctors sure have a way of turning your plans upside down. Hopefully you will find another specialist soon to take a look at things!

And your puppy sounds so incredibly sweet. What's his name? It's lovely that you can take him along with you, he's probably having the best time of his life! Isn't it wonderful the happiness we can find when we take time to give of ourselves to others?

Good to know that you are not up in flames, but other than that, how are you doing through all of this?

Kat

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Thanks Rebbie, that meant a lot. I'm not so sure that I'm amazing. I'm just trying to get by.

So here's my update:

Dad came home from the hospital, but has to have heart surgery to stop the bleeding into his stomach. Turns out that it isn't a stomach aneurysm, but a leaking heart valve. He's finding out tomorrow when he's having surgery. We had to cancel my son's next appointment because even though we have good insurance, they want $1,600.00 up front (they don't take our insurance). We make good money between his dad and I, but they sprung this a week before the appointment even though we've been waiting 6 weeks for the appointment. I am completely disgusted. Had we known up front we would have been ready. We are looking for another doctor who takes our insurance.

My adoptive dog is going everywhere with me. I am determined to give him a life and he is so happy. I take him to work, and he rolls around on the grass like a puppy. I take him to the beach on my lunch breaks, and he is alive again. I wish I had before and after pictures.

Just for fun, the electrical fixtures in our house started blowing. For the last three days we've been terrified because we were having brown-outs at first, then no power at all (despite trying to trip the breakers), and then it would turn on all by itself. But last night the power line coming into the house started arching! It's raining lightly here, so we thought it was lightening, but it seemed a little too close (we were sleeping when it happened). Fire department, PG&E, landlord...... huge deal. It all started at 3am.

Super tired, and need to go to bed. Just doing a super basic check-in. Still here. Not up in flames :)

Night.

Deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 121

Deb: You have really had a lot going on lately and I admire you for handling it the way you are. You are truly an amazing woman! You Go Girl!

I'm thinking of you, your son and your dad. Please keep us posted when you have the time. Sounds like you're fairly busy now with everything going on, so just take it one day, hour, minute at a time.

Hugs,

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Sorry! I've been pretty verbal lately.

So Kat. The dog is already spitting diamonds :)

He had to live outside in a small kennel and was never allowed in the house, was really skinny, filthy/stinky, and has a benign tumor on his toe that was bleeding/weeping. He was so stinky that my little 6 year-old neighbor walked by him outside and yelled, "OH! That dog is making me dead!!!"

His dad helped me get him into the tub so he could have a warm bath, and we used half a bottle of the large sized shampoo scrubbing him. The water was black. His coat was matted and chunks of fur came off. We took turns brushing him for 3 hours and filled up two large kitchen trash bags with fur.

At first, he was scared to come into the house because he's never known that luxury. He got use to it quick :) I've had a little trouble getting him to go out now to go potty because I think he's scared he will have to stay out there. So I have to sit outside with him until he knows I won't leave him-- then he'll go.

I have him scheduled for surgery for the tumor, and also scheduled with a groomer because despite the intense bath, he is still stinky (but ten times better).

Here are my diamonds. He won't leave my side and looks at me with those doggie eyes that only doggies can do. Pure love. Oy. More responsibility but worth it. I'm doing this to honor my dad, the hidden benefits are that my kids love him, he is saved, and I'm feeling the love from him, and I love him too.

My dad was released from the hospital today. He can have up to 5 years if he takes care of himself, or one week if he doesn't. So there's some anxiety there. My son is lined up for more tests. It's hard waiting for the specialists. It seems like we have to wait 6 weeks in between appointments for each. The next test is April 7 for the gastrointestinal camera. The next is with his cardioligist. He's already been CAT scanned, stress test for heart, 24 hour heart monitor, ultra sounded, had the barium swallow to look into his stomach, and we even took him to a chiropractor in desperation who actually helped. But it was only for a week.

thanks for listening! Need to go to bed so I can keep on trucking tomorrow. You are all so awesome.

Deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Gosh Kat, I haven't seen you for awhile and was so happy you wrote!

I think you're right about the ratting part. But I would never ever because it would cause my dad pain. There's no point. I'm not vindictive, and other than this weird deviation, she has been great.

I guess I'm doing okay. Some days are harder than others, and I've been crying a lot. But that's better than where I was when in full depression because I felt nothing and couldn't cry. So at least I'm feeling. I've got support here, I have a therapist that I'm seeing once a week who is really good, my sister is here whom I adore. Our way of supporting each other through difficult times is by trying to crack each other up-- it's almost like a contest. Humor is a good coping tool for me. And she's really really funny. Just a bummer that she lives so far away. My friends are really funny and supportive too (and they happen to be therapists also). So I'm okay given the circumstances. I've gone back to work, and have been able to keep working. My job is flexible so I can pop off to see my dad whenever, and take my older son to his appointments. I have a really good man by my side who loves and supports me. Really, I have what I need to get better. These things are just normal human challenges and I'm doing okay. Each day seems to bring it's own challenges, but Goofy actually snapped me back into realizing that I only need to tackle each day, or hour, or minute.

checking out for a minute. Be back.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Oh Deb, that sounds like quite the full plate for sure!

It sounds tom e like your step mom is just worried that you are going to "rat" her out and maybe she is afraid that you will tell your dad what she truly feels about that dog. Don't worry you are doing the right thing by taking care of the puppy, I'm glad you didn't put it down and decided to keep taking care of him, that is a noble thing to do! ...and if there are diamonds in there, they'll be coming out one of way another, who knows maybe you'll be richier soon ;)

On a more serious note I hope your dad feels better and that your son's health issues get resolved soon.

You did say that your meds kicked in, but otherwise how are you holding up through all of this?

Kat

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

lol, at diamonds!

It sounds like you have some reinforcements to with your sister, that's great!

Hang in there, keep us posted on you, your dad and your son.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

First, thank you Goofy. Sometimes when I'm in the middle of things, the waters start to get muddy. That's one beautiful thing about talking to others-- they can offer much needed clarity--which you did :) Yes. I was totally projecting! When I realized that's what my little brain was up to, I was able to refocus on just handling what's in front of me. And I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Second, the issue has resolved itself. My sister went to visit my dad today and told him and he was actually relieved his dog was in good hands. My step-mom came unglued though which my sister and I just can't figure out. The matter is resolved, and everyone's happy except for her which is just plain weird. I said to my sister, "Why does she want that dog dead???!! Did she stuff diamonds into his behind and needs to retrieve them????? Cause that's the only thing that makes sense." My sister got a good laugh outta that one.

Josie, thanks for what you said too. That was very loving and compassionate.

deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Cvdeb,

Good sharing and writing it all down. Focus on your family and do what is best for you. Your son needs you right now and a dog may just be the uplifting smile that he needs. You are approaching this in the best way possible...positively!

Perhaps come to an agreement with your step-mother, she does take great care of your father, so thank her and let her know that no-one can replace her in his life. You keeping the dog is a great way to give them some time to relax and focus on your dad. The dog will always be there and so can you. What she chooses to tell your father will be up to her, she may not want to upset him and may keep it short.

This is very stressful, so take it one day at a time and focus on the important, love understanding and everyone getting better.

Stay with us and share, it can help make things clearer.

Josie, Health Educator

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