The dog was my first Golden Retriever. She was born one month to the day after my did died. She had a brain tumor in the end and so 1 week before her 11th birthday, I had to put her to sleep because she cold no longer walk. That happened on the 4th of this month. I have 3 other dogs and one of them is getting up there in age.
Throughout my life, I have always lived either in the past or the future...never the present. I have tried to be present in the now, but because of living so long thinking the other way, it has proven hard not to think of things as I have all of my life.
As far as dealing with allot of my past. I had many issues in childhood after the sexual abuse that just further cemented my feelings of worthlessness. I was mercilessly abused verbally and physically by the other children through most of my school years. It was the worst in my early years, grades 1 to 8. In high school things were some better, but the damage had been done. During those early years, I yearned for someone to come and make it all stop...that never happened.
The thing is, I know about a great deal of this. I think I mentioned in another post that I didn't realize until this February that the sexual abuse had such a big effect on my adult life regarding relationships.
Having been through so much therapy and medications through my life gave me tons of information on how therapy works and how to get around the therapists if they presented a problem for me. I was always told that I was "too smart for my own good"...that my intelligence actually worked against me in therapy. They were probably right. I could see though all of their techniques and "games" with ease. Now when I see a therapist, I warn them ahead of time to watch out for my abilities so I can actually get something worthwhile out of it.
I feel that I am talking in circles here. I am having trouble focusing on the subject at hand.
I think it is quite admirable that you are helping others with these issues to pay back those who helped you in the past.
As far as the "scary reading", I felt like I was reading it like you would watch a scary movie...with you hands partially covering your eyes. That just brought up so many things that I felt overwhelmed...that I couldn't comprehend how I was going to be able to deal with all of the things that happened to me in my childhood that are effecting me now. I have never done well by myself even though I have pretty much been a loner. I always wished that I would have close friends and intimate relationships, but only had very short lived relationships. They started fast and ended fast. they just reinforced my feeling of never being able to have the relationship I dreamed of from the age of 6.
I need to stop now because I think that I am just writing a bunch of unrelated stuff and it won't make any sense. the only reason I am actually posting it is that maybe you could see some important details in what I have written.
I will look up the Box breathing, progressive muscle relaxation and
distractions. By distractions, I assume that you mean a hobby or something like that.