Somehow I missed this thread when you started it a couple days ago. It sounds like you did a great job on making it through the evening as well as making in enjoyable for your mom. I've found that the times I go into a situation, have a mild panic attack, then survive it and get back to enjoying the event are some of the most helpful in leading towards recovery. That way you experience the panic as well as survive it and realize nothing too bad happened as a result. Way to stay positive despite the bumps! We can all learn from your attitude.
Joe...Good for you! Be happy with what you've accomplished....because then the positive memory of how well you did will be right there in your mind, and you can bring it out whenever you need some reinforcement that you can do it again! I'm glad you all had a good time...I hope my sons treat me as well when I get old!
I read your post earlier this afternoon and have been thinking about you and wondering how it went. My husband had dementia so I know how tough it can be.... Its so good to hear you had a nice time visiting with your mother. I am so proud of you for having the determination to follow through and join your family for this celebration. You are a good son and should be very very proud of yourself. You won Joe and the anxiety/panic lost. I am so happy for you.
I am so glad for you, see you can do it like we said. Now for the lesson. I knew that you would care enough about your Mama that you would be distracted and panic would have no in or if it did get in you would have a reason to shove it out. Using distractions is a good way to cut the legs out of panic. You can find a lot of ways to use distraction during the day, but the ones that come at night might still need medication unless journaling works for you, and it should, it works for the rest of us. You could try both. Again I am so glad the day went well, It is a positive you want to hang on to every time you start to do the "what if" thing.
Its so nice to know that there are poeple out there that " get it ". Well the birthday bash went well. She wanted to go to the Olive Garden. Let me tell ya, a few years ago, before her illness, The Olive Garden could not touch Mama's posta.
It was loud in there and it made me edgy. I had a mild panic attack in the begining.But I tought it out, told myself everything is fine. It passed. At the end of our dinner it hit me again. Again I did not let it ruen the eveing. I fought it off with some positive thinking, and it passed again. We had a awsome trip after dinner to a near by lake. She loves feeding the ducks. The time spent there was wonderful. She said, " I love it when all my babies are together". I feel really good right now. Had a few bumps, but it all turned out wonderful.
I come from a big Italian family too. I echo Jason and Davit. Lately, I've been expecting to have success, instead of expecting it to go wrong. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy. I also have found that sometimes when I thought of all the "what if's", afterward, I found that it wasn't as bad as I thought and I was actually able to enjoy myself. How about positive "what if's" like what if it goes right. My Mom is forgetful sometimes or repeats stories. What Davit said is true, just smile and hear the story over and over and don't correct. And, I think focusing on your Mom's happiness and making it a good day for her, will take the focus off of yourself and you will do well. I will keep you in my prayers, like a good Italian Christian :) I try to enjoy my parents like Sunny said. And, I do understand the feeling of parents getting older. I think as children we always view our parents a certain way. I believe you will do well. We are all here for you. God bless, Shari
Hi Joe67: I'm sorry to hear about your mom. My suggestion would be to enjoy the moment. My mom is in a nursing home now. It is emotionally difficult for me when I go to see her. She no longer recognizes me nor does she talk much. Sometimes the visit goes very well and she actually smiles once in awhile and I feel so good when I go home that we had a good visit, even if there is not much conversation. Other times, it is so sad I could cry all the way home. This has been going on for almost 4 years and I have finally come to realize that I am doing my best for her and that my mom is going through the natural progression of aging. I try to enjoy what I can and if I feel sad and have a good cry at home later on, so what? that's part of life too. I think it's nature's way of preparing us for the inevitable.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is o.k. to be sad, it's o.k. to cry about it. But do enjoy what you have with her right now and forget the tomorrow 'cause tomorrow isn't here yet. We only have one day at a time so let's celebrate the day.
Sometimes we may default in picturing the worst scenarios. You evening tomorrow may be more pleasant than you expect it to be. Try to keep an open mind to the outcome of tomorrow. It will be great that you are spending some quality time with your mom and family.
Come back and tell us how it went. Remember, we will be here to help you out
My father had elzheimers real bad. One thing you do not do is correct your mother. You live in her world even if it means telling her who you are twenty times. As for the anxiety, this is one time when the meds can really help. It is also where you can help you. You have some one who really needs you now so concentrate on making it smooth for her and you will be fine. You will crash but save the crash for after. You can do this. You can be there for her just like we will be there for you. When it gets bad, escape to the bathroom and wipe the tears, and remember we are there with you. We feel your pain, lean on us and all will be well. And we will be here for you also when the panic hits, come talk to us, we are all here for you.
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