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Hubby Troubles


18 years ago 0 2257 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
AlleyAnn, SSC folks have an idea of what you go throught everyday so try and dump some of the bad stuff here, we "GET IT". Look on the bright side, at least your husband did not quit with you. My house was NOT PRETTY during hell week with both of us going crazy. Your hubby really does understand but probably is just wondering when you will be "BACK" . Keep your mind on yourself and your quit as much as possible. Love does not disappear over some bad mood stuff, so let that thought go. Quitting is HARD work and while it's not a license to be short with people, you are allowed to let loose a little. It's great that you can talk it out, when you can't--write it down in your journal and you will feel better after the "VENTING". Hang in there, we're not smoking, how great is that??? CONGRATULATIONS ON yyour 24 days~ CobenFan :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/25/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 29 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 502 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $101.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 39 [B]Seconds:[/B] 6
18 years ago 0 48 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
AlleyAnn- good to see that shamrock spinning on your post again. it is also good we found this site isn't it? Knowledge sure is a great weapon, and this site has plenty of fire power. It's helped me understand what i am going through is normal and this also will pass. It's helpful knowing "we are all in the same boat", and there are those who are already on the beach encouraging us onward. AlleyAnn you are a powerful person, full of love and beauty, we have taken something away from our bodies,(kinda like a pacifier) now it is time to replace it with rewards. i found a couple of saying i'll share with you. --And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. (beautiful saying isn't it) --The two things I did learn were that you are as powerful and strong as you allow yourself to be, and that the most difficult part of any endeavor is taking the first step, making the first decision. --There are two big forces at work, external and internal. We have very little control over external forces such as tornados, earthquakes, floods, disasters, illness and pain. What really matters is internal force. How do I respond to those disasters? Over that I have complete control. step by step, inch by inch, we will make it the beach and get out of this boat. -shamrock meg- [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/23/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 35 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 604 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $124.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 56 [B]Seconds:[/B] 46
18 years ago 0 84 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Alley, Congrats on your 25 days - that's so awesome! Maybe you can write your husband a combination love letter and thank you letter explaining your feelings and thanking him for his understanding and support. Or you could just write little love you notes for him to find in different places in the house. Just fun little notes counting the days that he's had to wear the protective armour! :) You might even feel better if you use part of your saved $$ to reward him with a special thank you gift. Maybe another special evening out. If he's never had an addiction to overcome then it might also help if he reads about the effects of nictine withdrawal so that he can have a better understanding and appreciation for what you've been going thru. Good luck! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/3/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 21 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 427 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $84 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 38 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25
18 years ago 0 2436 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Alley - u still there?? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 52 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,824 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $241.8 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 19 [B]Seconds:[/B] 10
18 years ago 0 962 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Alley Ann - It sounds like you are putting yourself out there for your husband and he is trying to respond. I am so proud of you. It's hard when we are emotional and we have someone who is continually trying to help but all the while pushing our buttons! ARGGGG! But I am so glad that ya'll are on the path to getting every thing back on an even keel. Just know that these days are going to come and go - some bad, some good, some great, and then before you know it there will be just normal loving days. I promise those days in the future! You are doing a great job and to think all through this you owned your quit and didn't even think of having one! You're amazing! Island Girl [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/21/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 65 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 657 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $130 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 9 [B]Seconds:[/B] 56
  • Quit Meter

    $1,703,475.00

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    Days: 5861 Hours: 11

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 51

    Life Gained

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    45426

    Smoke Free Days

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    1,362,780

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18 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey Alley... Go with the flow honey. This time will pass. I know it seems impossible while you are in the mist of it but it will pass. You need to focus on your quit. This may sound harsh but hubby will never understand what you are going through and there is really nothing he can do to help you get through it except to be there when you need him. Even if he isn't this is about you and your quit. Don't worry about your relationship right now. Worry about staying smoke free. I'm sure your husband loves you and is doing what he needs to get through this time as well. He is not going to stop loving you because you are having a hard time quitting smoking. Quitting smoking is Hell for all of us and we really need that "alone" time to get through it. Hang in there and protect your quit at all costs. Perhaps you could write him a note telling him that you love him and that you appreciate him giving you the space you need to get through this time. :) You are doing just Great! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 296 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,931 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1036 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 26 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 13 [B]Seconds:[/B] 57
18 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
AlleyAnn... Perhaps I did give you bad advice. Listen to *my dear friend Rusty** :) She is much better at the relationship thing than I. Just for the record, I have yet to have a successful relationship. But I do have a successful quit. I will leave the relationships questions to those better equipted to handle them. :p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 296 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,936 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1036 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 26 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 46 [B]Seconds:[/B] 7
18 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Alley, [quote] I guess it just comes down to figuring out who I am and what im made out of without a cigarette in my hand. [/quote] Well said. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 300 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,006 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1050 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 26 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 12 [B]Seconds:[/B] 41
18 years ago 0 2462 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
AlleyAnn, sorry to disagree with my friend Lady, but DO be concerned about your relationship. However, at the same time, be concerned about your quit. I completely lost count of the times I apologized to my husband. He is a smoker, so not only was I mean to him, but he also felt betrayed by my quit. I wish so much that we had gone to counseling together. It was very rough for us and finally he is beginning to trust me again, that I won't bite his head off every 15 minutes. If you lose your relationship over quitting smoking, you will always resent your quit. Please always apologize every day to your husband. Please tell him every day that it is very rough on you and you know that it is rough on him. Do whatever you have to do to make him understand that the quit is very important to you. I will regret for the rest of my life saying these words to my husband: "You can leave me if you want, but I will not give up my quit for you." Saying it that way hurt him so badly. It made him feel that I didn't love him. On an old thread that I kept, it gave these suggestions: * Anger releases bad hormones into your body. Work on the opposite. * Start pampering and loving yourself now. Talk positive self-talk to yourself. * Make a reward plan, so that you can feed those pleasure centers in your brain. * Until you can control this anger, (what you say, how you say it, how you react), it's better to take a time out than lose a friend or alienate a loved one. Isolate yourself in the bedroom or bathroom until you feel you can control yourself. * Get adequate rest. Indulge in a nap. In recovery, we need more rest, as every organ in the body is ging through some pretty serious adjusting and withdrawal over a few monts. * Anger can be managed. Study up, get a book, get some counseling. I ultimately went to a substance abuse counselor who helped me deal with why I was so angry and ways to overcome those feelings. Rusty [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 496 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 13,903 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1736 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 68 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 21 [B]Seconds:[/B] 27
  • Quit Meter

    $54,932.80

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 648 Hours: 16

    Minutes: 54 Seconds: 14

    Life Gained

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    5282

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    211,280

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 2462 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
AlleyAnn, Josie is so right. I've had to learn over many years of marriage that if we want help, then we have to accept help in its own terms. He doesn't fold the towels the way I want them folded. Who cares? He's folding them...I'm not. I can take all the chores away from him because he doesn't do them right, but then I can't complain about having to do it all. Sounds like your husband was trying, but he didn't know how. So show him how! Now, before you get mad at me, let me also say that you are in a rough patch right now. You are more sensitive to things, and he's having some issues as well. All this may or may not have to do with your quit. I have to frequently remind myself that he gets to be tired and cranky sometimes, too. My other thought is this. They don't know what we want or what we are feeling unless we tell them. Men are kind of dense that way. (Sorry, guys). Women tend to be more intuitive and empathetic. Men just want to hide and not get yelled at. Rusty :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 499 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 13,984 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1746.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 68 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 46 [B]Seconds:[/B] 20
  • Quit Meter

    $54,932.80

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 648 Hours: 16

    Minutes: 54 Seconds: 14

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    5282

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    211,280

    Cigarettes Not Smoked


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