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15 years ago 0 51 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
 Glad to hear you are doing better. I don't think you should look at the difference being the medication in being a bad thing. Look at it this way, a diabetic can change their diet and lfestyle, but it will still not replace the fact that they have to take insulin. It is a fact of life. We all need to better recognize that there are physical aspects(even though we don't see them) to our diease that can only be taken care of by medication. This is not to say that we don't have things to work on. I just think we should give ourselves a break when it comes to medication. It seems like alot of people downplay their progress, because it is treated to the medication they are taking or feel it is necessary to be "recovered" by being off of it.  Let me ask you this, if you knew someone with heart diease and they changed their lifestyle, but weren't taking their medication and were having problems. What would you think of them? Anyways, keep up the GREAT work! I know sometimes I have to remind myself too, that the tortise won the race and not the hare. As long as we keep plodding forward, that is what counts! You are in my prayers.
15 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Goofy and Diva,
 
I am trying to be positive and I am doing a pretty good job but really think it's the medication.  It's also easier at work because I don't feel like I have to hide so much anymore.  My office manager and I had a talk today and it was nice.  She understands and shared some of the things she's been through.  It helps to know you're not alone.
 
I just feel like I'm in limbo but I know that whatever happens I'll manage. 
I'm tired tonight, I'll write more later
 
15 years ago 0 910 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey Mom of 3,

I am glad you had a better day. Maybe limiting time with your husband is a good idea for a while. As for your work, I am glad that is sorting itself out! 

And so how are you today?
15 years ago 0 1044 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Mom of 3
I'm sure you can continue and like that positive attitude (don't read my post, it wasn't so positive).  Anyway,  I'm glad things went well for you with the therapist, you took care of you in the limiting time around husband, and your boss likes your work! 
 


15 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Goofy and Diva,
 
Thanks for the encouragement.  I am handling a bit better tonight but didn't spend much time around the husband tonight.
 
Counseling went well and she says I'm doing well.  Today the surgeon said I did much better so I'm hopeful that I'll be able to continue.
15 years ago 0 910 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hiya Mom of 3,

I am sorry to hear all this is spilling into your work. Don't be so hard on yourself about it though. I think in your circumstances anyone would be affected like that. It is good that your bosses are so understanding I am glad to hear it. 

I am glad to see you getting so much out of your therapist sessions and looking forward to them. Isn't it great to have someone to work stuff out with?

I agree with Goofy. Do take care of yourself. It is so important. As for your husband, he needs to get a clue! Oye! Can'T blame you for feeling angry and frustrated. I hope you manage to sort things out tonight with your therapist!

Please keep us posted!


15 years ago 0 1044 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Mom of 3,
 
Focus on taking care of you....the rest will follow.  Sounds like you are doing that but keep the focus there.  Two understanding bosses, setting boundaries with your husband, spending time with your son, and finding some time for Mom of 3!
 
Glad to hear you look forward to your counseling sessions, that means it is helping you and you have an outlet for dealing with the situation at hand.  We all need that support!  
 
Keep us posted on your progress as it continues.  I think I can, I think I can! 
 
15 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello again everyone,
I'm having trouble staying asleep and woke up early again this am. 
Goofy, I do wish I lived near you.  I think we would be good friends other than just internet aquaintances , in fact there are times when I wish I could meet many of the folks I talk to here.  It's not feasible but so many of you have become dear to me just through your kind words. 
 
Sarah, Wildcat, Diva & Rosie - Thank you for cheering me on. It does help even when I am down.  Rosie  am sorry you know the pain I am talking about.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
 
I'd like to write more about my situation but am having a little trouble focusing on it right now.  The work thing has me really upset.  I think that my superiors do understand but i am always afraid of work politics and feel like I've been put on notice anyway.  I have had two really bad days and I can't take another one today.  The best thing is that I see my counselor tonight.  My husband is talking so much double talk that I don't believe him anymore.  I plan to hash this out with the counselor tonight.  I just can't write it out right now, I feel my perspective is blurred and I want her reaction to what I have to say.  I will update you all later.
15 years ago 0 85 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Mom of 3
 
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so distressed. You are fortunate to have the support of your office manager- only someone who has actually gone through something similar will understand and truely give you the support you need. Don't beat yourself up about this affecting other areas of your life- we are only human and are way too hard on ourselves. I know nothing I say will take away the pain you are going through, all I can say is that I know what it feels like to be 'so hurt that it feels like you're dying'. Hang in there and all the best with the councelor. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
15 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Everyone
 
Thank you all for your posts. I am not doing as well as I thought I might.  Isaw my doctor last evening and he upped my dose of Abilify.  Things were better but the shaking continued.  In my line of work - surgery, that is not a good thing.  Last night was the first that I took the increase in dose. 
 
Today I was called into the surgeons office and confronted about the shaking.  I explained what was happening and both the surgeon and office manager said they wanted to help and whatever I needed they would try to help me.  It was nice but I feel my job is on the line.  Worst of all I know my performance is not up to standard and way below my own standards.  I am also angry that I have been put into a position of being so terribly affected by this.  I have never been told my work was not up to standards before. The one saving grace is that the surgeon recently went through a nasty divorce and the office manager's husband died suddenly last year.  So they've been in a similar circumstance. Still, while I understand I have some control over how I handle something, it is devastating and I am angry at him for affecting my job.  Maybe that's misplaced blame because he is not there and it is still my performance, but I am angry at the way he is handling things.  If he would just make up his mind I wouldn't feel like I'm in limbo.
 
Again, thank you all for your posts, I will address them next time as I am tired and so angry I can't concentrate on anything but how angry I am.
 
He was here again tonight and we fought.  I said what I thought.  He still denies an affair.  I told him again that he needs to see a counselor.  I will see mine tomorrow night and plan to run all these things by her. 

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